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Why thievery sucks.

Or

Quite possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever written.

This past weekend I went to Pomona to have what is the coolest weekend since Gencon, and that says one **** of a lot.  If you want to see the four monsters my deck gave me in my first loss of the day, go to round 2 a few pages down.  Surprisingly, I finished the regionals report in one day.

Basically I saw about 912384658914639018739 people I had never met before (god, James is like the coolest judge ever and I’m just saying it because he gave me a marker for a Gryphon Wing) and a further 19823658912639867810923605197431 people I had already met.

The planet only has six billion people?  BAH!  Humbug.

Anyway, I’ll start off by talking about the Sneak Preview.

Uneventful.  I played in two flights that took a year and a half to finish, yet were still done by 8 PM.  I blame time travel, or hyperbole.  Basically 3-1 both times, and I ended up destroying the Guardian Spirit Ailins that screwed me up in the second flight.  First flight I play a teammate who put stuff from his open packs into his Flight, so that was just over.  In the interest of letting you keep your lunch, I won’t go over the details of either Ailin’s destruction or the match with Jonathan Hernandez.

My friend Sergio got dq’d for having six rares in his flight deck.  I 2 - 0 the guy who registered the complaint, and 8000 - 0 him the second game.  Vengeance?  Naah.  I just went for overkill.  I pull no holos in the first flight, but make up for it by selling the packs for 14 bucks and then starting another flight.  Then I pull two Cyber Twin Dragons in the second flight, which basically got me 33% done with holo pulls from this set.  (Three Cyber Dragon and a single Cyber End Dragon would have finished it L.)

Anyway, I pitched in forty bucks for the hotel, which was awesome because the bed was so comfortable I couldn’t even get to sleep.  We went to dinner at the hotel, my friends called me Mexican (which is funny because I am not only White, but Anglo-Saxon and Protestant).  We did some playtesting, I altered the build of the deck I was using by a substantial three cards (which saved my ass so much it isn’t funny k lol J ) and I had an argument about Exiled Force vs. King Tiger Wanghu (and by the way I was right lol k).

Anyway, sleep was great, the hijinx the night before were awesome (I love the Leonhardts.  The entire family plays the game and the parents are cool with me swearing.) and Samurai Champloo started over so I got to watch the first episode again.  The guy sleeping in the bed across from me woke up first and took a shower that must have reset the geologic time scale due to its sheer length.  I went in last of the three of us and enjoyed taking a shower while tired (my shirt I slept in got wet too - this is important).

Anyway, I got out and started to sleeve my stuff, putting in an extra copy of Ryu Senshi in my Fusion deck, altering my side deck by two cards (I used maybe five cards out of the whole side deck in the whole tournament).

The day began as annoying and ended as crappy.  When we walked out of the hotel to the south end of the area the Regional building was in, the gate was locked and there was no guard.  So get this; we walk from the south end to what must have been a mile north, I get pissed off at my shoes when we jump a fence that was just a little too high for me to jump without climbing.  The sun is currently destroying my flesh, so Lance pops his mat the hell out and uses it to shield himself.  I pop my mat out, but then realize my damp shirt is still in my backpack and shazam, suddenly I’m cool for the rest of the day.

We go underneath a tunnel where I comment on an Aquafina water advertisement that is very cleverly placed.  We find the gate we’re supposed to go to and we register for Regionals (damn lack of Pre-Registration).

I meet up with Dawn Yoshi, who informs me that Elemental Energy’s translations have already been posted and that the Dark Realm monsters are absurdly powerful.  We play a quick game or three, I own Dawn first one (god my draws were perfect), and he Tsuku-locks me as punishment for not playing aggressively enough the next two.  And for not drawing well enough, but that’s entirely a different topic.  And he was cool enough to watch my stuff while I ran and had my picture taken with the rest of Team Enigma (which is comprised of a few really good players, and then the Leonhardt family and their friends.  Who the really good players are is up to you to decide.)  I ran back and my stuff is still there.  Unfortunately, dawnyoshi wasn’t always watching people’s stuff for them.  More on the )@*(!#^*%(@# thieves that screwed up this otherwise perfect day later.

Oh, by the way, I pile shuffled my deck, picked up a random card from on top of the seventh pile, and dawn managed to see this beaut of a picture taken with my cameraphone (which explains the quality):

Also featured in this picture is the spanking hot shirt of Enigma Productions that will put the dirtier minds in a frenzy should they see the back side of it. (Originally, I didn’t see it.  I would like to thank Ben Shirr for that.)

Anyway, I find Jae, Tony (both of them are wearing secksay blue Team Savage shirts that were almost perfectly duplicated by Team Dynasty, a team formed from what is pretty much the other half of our card store), a judge named James I met yesterday who is quite cool, and, surprisingly enough, Mr. Haynes in a SCGE shirt.  A new judge is Head Judging.  I will refrain from comment on him, as I only had one interaction with him that day and the negative comments should be left with those who have beef with him.

Anyway, let me go over the unimportance.

Round 1:

I played some guy named Venon and 2 - 0’d him.  Since I felt he needed advice, I gave it to him.  It should be noted that I got out Airknight Parshath, Jinzo, and could have summoned Black Luster Soldier as well in game 2.

Round 2:

I play Michael Cawit.  My draws first game consisted of four monsters, one of which got Nobleman’d.  I pull:  Black Luster Soldier, Jinzo, Airknight Parshath, and Spirit Reaper, as well as a Premature Burial or Call of the Haunted.  Luck kept me alive, however, when he plays Delinquent Duo, sending my Jinzo to the grave.

It didn’t last for long, though.  Reaper, of course, got Nobleman’d the turn after I set it, and shazam Jinzo died quickly and painlessly.

Game two was even.  I got a little bit of a better draw, though, and pulled off a two for one here and there to win it.

Game three…  He plays Pot.  He sets Magician.  I have nothing to counter.  He flips Magician for Pot, plays Delinquent, and later summons Tribe to discard Sinister and kill my Assailant.  Suddenly I have -4 advantage.  Game.

Capital fellow, though.  J

Round three was fairly easily won, and I don’t remember the details.

Round four was also won.  Don’t remember the details.

Round five was annoying.  I lost this round to my only play mistake of the entire day, which wouldn’t’ve been a play mistake at all had time not been called.

Basically, time was called, it was my turn, and I evened us out at by Prematuring a 2400 and hitting to put us both at 4200.  I have Book of Moon and Scapegoat in my hand with three Goats on the field, and he has nothing…  But I refrain from setting either one with two open slots.  >.<  GG.  He summons Tribe, discards for Beast, plays Snatch…  I HAD SAKURETSU FREAKING ARMOR SET, DAMMIT!  BOOK OF MOON OR GOAT WOULD HAVE WON ME THIS GAME!  =\  Heavy would have screwed me up either way…

Anyway, I scoop after being put 4000 LP down, checking my draw, and noting that I have nothing capable of putting him down 3000+ LP.

Round five got lost to play mistakes that really weren’t.

Round six comes around, and round five didn’t give me my Jinzo back.  Game loss.

Then I draw Jinzo and nothing strong enough to live against a beatdown of Mobius game 2…  GG, no point in a re since he got lucky, lucky, lucky as hell and we both knew it.

I had to call a judge to tell him that he didn’t draw a card when Dark Mimic LV3 was summoned.  =\

I’m 3 - 3 at this point but don’t care.  If I paid fifteen bucks to come here, then I’m going to get my damn money’s worth.  Round seven comes up and I go to table 59 or something.  I look at the guy already sitting at the table and it’s TONY LEE, aka sHeCkii from Pojo.com and the proud member of Team Savage!  <3 <3 <3

Anyway, I already know he’s running Strike, and he had promised me a game in between round 6 and 7 that we didn’t get to have, so this was fun.

Anyway, game 1 opened up strong for me.  I got +4 card advantage from a quick Morphing Jar that got turned around and nullified so quick it was pointless.  IIRC, he Tributed either a Sangan or a D. D. Scout Plane for a Mobius that would have turned into +3 advantage right off the bat, so I was already gone when this round started.  He got lucky and hit my Mirror Force with Mobius, too.  L

Game 2 was tight and intense.  From what I recall, draws were even, but Tony couldn’t get the Strike Ninja engine going fast enough, and then his deck fell apart to slow and steady +1 advantage moves of mine.

Game 3 was even more intense and close than game 2.  He had Heavy set the whole game, but couldn’t activate it for the +1 or more generation he wanted because I never set enough to give him reason to.  Plus I managed to Torrential or Mirror Force his Strike Ninja.  In the end, I kept Thousand-Eyes Restrict out for way too long and time was called with him 300 LP below me.  Bogus win.  L

Round 7 comes up and I don’t know who I’m playing, but then I found out that my teammate Lance Leonhardt (who is the proud owner of what may just be the coolest name EVER) lost his deck, and he’s paired up against the guy I lost to Round 2.  Then, as though an act of God happened (and it had to), Christopher Wong (SoCal’s AWESOME Premiere Tournament Organizer) had this realization:

“Hmm, something crappy is about to happen to Lance Leonhardt.  Ah hell naw.  To the Round-Pairings-Weren’t-Printed-Properly-So-We-Have-To-Spend-Twenty-Minutes-Repairing-The-Round-And-Printing-Out-Pairings Mobile!”

Let’s go over what happened now, because Lance was 6-1 and ended 7-2.  His dad, Kirk Leonhardt, went up to Chris Wong, and they had, verbatim, this conversation (emoticons and sniper rifle included).

“<*<ENG KNT>*> Kirk has just logged onto the Judge’s Table

U cant go wrong with Wong:  Hye Kirk

<*<ENG KNT>*> Kirk:  hey L

U cant go wrong with Wong: wutz rong

<*<ENG KNT>*> Kirk: my son got his deck jacked L L L

U cant go wrong with Wong: tool XD lol L

>>HIM>> James Marsters: Hey Coin Flip signed a Gryphon Wing and gave it to me.

<*<ENG KNT>*> Kirk: lol

U cant go wrong with Wong: that sux tho

I’m Rick Haynes, *****!: awesum @ James

<*<ENG KNT>*> Kirk: isnt theyre ne way u cn postpwn round pearingz?

U cant go wrong with Wong: no

U cant go wrong with Wong: not 4 1 player

I’m Rick Haynes, *****! <Sniper Rifle (headshot)> round pairings

U cant go wrong with Wong: incidentally, i have 2 repost round parings cuz we made a small mistake

>>HIM>> James Marsters: ns @ Gary Haynes rofl

<*<ENG KNT>*> Kirk: so what r u seying?

<*<ENG KNT>*> Kirk: my 13 yr old son who wll prolly go 7-2 or better, top 8’d in a 400 person Reg, and beat Mike Rosenberg, the pionere of Tsukuyomi Kontrol in this very turnmnt dusnt desrve 2 go 6 - 1 and luze his deck L

I’m Rick Haynes, *****! has changed his name to I’m Wheat Haynes, *****!

I’m Wheat Haynes, *****!: ty @ James Marsters

U cant go wrong with Wong: as a freeking awsume PTO, i am very upset tht theyre isnt nethng i cn do

U cant go wrong with Wong: wll, unles u cn rebild the deck in 10 minutes

<*<ENG KNT>*> Kirk: omg brb

<*<ENG KNT>*> Kirk has changed his name to <*<ENG KNT>*> spare staples or gil or an AK 4 a n00b who lst his deck? Kirk

<*<ENG KNT>*> spare staples or gil or an AK 4 a n00b who lst his deck? Kirk has left the channel

I’m Wheat Haynes, *****!: i feel an urge 2 delay round pairings 4 a few minutes.

I’m Wheat Haynes, *****!: wut shud i do, chris?

U cant go wrong with Wong: srch ur feelingz

U cant go wrong with Wong: folow ur hardt

U cant go wrong with Wong: u no, dat kind of shyte

<*<ENG KNT>*> Jonathan Hernandez has logged onto the Judge’s Table

<*<ENG KNT>*> Jonathan Hernandez: saaaavaaage!

U cant go wrong with Wong has left the channel

I’m Wheat Haynes, *****! has left the channel

>>HIM>> James Marsters has left the channel

<*<ENG KNT>*> Jonathan Hernandez: in-friggin-credible.

<*<ENG KNT>*> Jonathan Hernandez: daaaaamn!”

And, nine minutes, a few drops from 3-3’s and 2-4’s, some deck modifications from the dropped players and some generous gifts from people who might not even have KNOWN Lance later, Lance had himself the exact deck that got jacked from him.

This is important.  I need you to shut up and listen to what I have to say.  This is why California’s players are the best in the nation.  People on our team dropped to give Lance staples that were in his deck.  He had his deck, a deck he spent weeks building and preparing and testing, jacked in nine seconds.  May the person who did it burn in nine hells.  You stole from a 13 year old who is better than you at a card game and life, you ****ing lowlife.  You have earned the ire of the well over 300 reputable, smart, kind and honorable players who were in the building at the time.  When Chris made the announcement over the PA system that any thief would be kicked out of the building and reported to the police, the crowd cheered.  That’s 300 people who would just love to see you sent to jail to have interesting sexcapades in the prison shower (here’s a hint: don’t ever say yes to a salad, and if you drop the soap, then you don’t need it).  I hope the bastards, the ****ing lowlifes who stole from anyone that day get their karma paid back in full.  J

But more importantly, and on a lighter note, the deck was rebuilt.  Judges and players alike came over and gave him cards he needed.  He had the deck stolen in nine seconds, but the players in that room rebuilt it in NINE MINUTES.

And then, after I found out about this at the end of round 7, I heard Lance say that if he top 8’d, he would give his mat to someone who got his mat jacked that day.

That, by itself, was the last straw to convince me that Southern California has the best metagame ever.  Not just in California, not just in the U. S., but in the whole freaking world.  Screw Greece. Congratulations, a player of yours won Worlds.  Screw Japan.  Sure, you’re way ahead of us in a card pool.  But more importantly, California has the coolest players in the nation.  People who you’d want to be friends with outside of Yu-Gi-Oh!  This is a card game.  Card games lose popularity, but style and class are eternal.  We have them in spades.  The people living in The State of Bliss have proven, once again, through their generosity and sense of community that they are the coolest in the world.

That little rant aside, Lance played Wilson Luc in round 7.  Wilson, as another demonstration of intense coolness, scooped to Lance.  I don’t even know him in person and I’m already convinced he is an awesome guy.  The act itself was relatively small (Wilson is already qualified), but the timing could have been no better.  Unfortunately, he lost round 9 and placed 12^th of what was 300+ players at the start.  I’d still like to see you place better in one of California’s Regionals, which are more challenging than just about any other three random states’ Regionals combined to win.

I won round 8 to some guy who was absolutely frightened of me because of some card advantage here and there.  It may have been 2 - 0.  I cannot recall offhand.

I won round 9 to a cool guy who let me declare my Fusion deck after the game was started, and as payment, he got his freaking Sinister Serpent stolen.  ****ing thieves.  No emoticon can fully express my rage.

The total thievery for the day amounted to two or three decks, a top 8 mat, and a Sinister Serpent.  I went 6 - 3 with horrible tiebreakers that got me the sextacular place of 69 (sextacular is appropriately used here).  My friends Jonathan Hernandez and Lance Leonhardt got 11^th and 12^th, respectively.

Small notes:  I got Jae to sign my Cyber Twin Dragon, and Lance got a bit of an ego boost while giving Mike Rosenberg a bit of an ego boost.  Lance top 8’d at the May 29 Regional in Long Beach, losing his invite only because he had to play Sang, who in turn lost to Mike Rosenberg in Round 1 of this Regional, who in turn lost in Round 5 or so of this Regional to Lance Leonhardt, who pleased Mike very much* by having a part of his sideboard entirely suited to Tsukuyomi Kontrol/Masks of Tsuku. (It should be no surprise; his mother was playing it before Mike was considered to have pioneered it, so he knows where the weaknesses are in both his deck and Mike’s.)  Oh, and someone gave me a DB2 Yata Garasu, which I promptly ate.  Did I mention that ink tastes like crap?

Team Enigma finished well.  While the best three results that I found out about were mine, Jonathan’s, and Lance’s (unfortunately, Kirk Leonhardt and his wife Lynn were both the victim of poor judge calls.  As well, Kirk played the wrong opponent in round 7 after rushing to get his son’s deck built and was awarded the best of all gifts; a match loss.  J), overall I’m glad.  Because I wasn’t really expecting anything better than 6 - 3 out of anyone except maybe 4 people, and sadly enough I was one of them (stupid game loss and stuff).

Overall, I have this to say about our performance:

gg plz re L

I lost only one round to a play mistake (which shouldn’t’ve been), one round to luck (though I can’t say Michael Sawitt isn’t a good player; that would be like saying Team Savage’s Scapegoat tokens aren’t sexy), and another round entirely to the curse of Jinzo.  Overall, I like how I performed, even if my craptacular 6 - 3 only got me 69^th. (Which, by itself, is more awesome than 1^st.  I’d love to get a 69, especially if she was hot.)

Props:

Team Enigma for finishing well enough overall that I’m not shamed by association**

Jesus (the Christ, not the generic Hispanic name)

Tony Lee for the best game I’ve had since maybe June

Cyber Twin Dragon for popping up in a pack twice.  J

California

Wilson Luc (and all the cooler members of Team CO)

Christopher Wong

The Wu Family for providing comic relief

Slops:

Thieves

Luck

Banlists that make the game less fun than Traditional (I can testify to this)

Since I will be asked, here is my deck:

16 Monsters

Black Luster Soldier - Envoy of the Beginning

Airknight Parshath

Jinzo

2 Magician of Faith

D. D. Warrior Lady

Magical Merchant

Breaker the Magical Warrior

Sangan

Tsukuyomi

Spirit Reaper

2 D. D. Assailant

Tribe-Infecting Virus

Sinister Serpent

Morphing Jar

18 Spells

Pot of Greed

Delinquent Duo

Graceful Charity

Premature Burial

Snatch Steal

Swords of Revealing Light

Lightning Vortex

Heavy Storm

Mystical Space Typhoon

2 Nobleman of Crossout

3 Scapegoat

2 Book of Moon

2 Metamorphosis

7 Trap

Mirror Force

Ring of Destruction

Torrential Tribute

Call of the Haunted

Dust Tornado
2 Sakuretsu Armor

zomg. I was originally planning to take Des Lacooda, but that didn’t work too well in playtesting so I changed it around by exactly 11 cards and turned my Des Lacooda into a Cookie Cutter Goat Chaos Control that ss4giel built.  I playtested Lacooda against giel, it didn’t work and I knew it, and then he was all like “run this its secksay” and he was right but I didn’t have a Dark Mimic LV1 and I really didn’t like Blade Knight and I wanted Lightning Vortex in and I liked Assailants for their anti-metagameish sextacularness (they’re like Skilled Dark Magicians because they have great stats that are anti-Tsukuyomi except that they also have an effect which makes them better lol ggnore).  It was funny because even if I were running my ccgcc I would have had to change only 4 or 5 cards to match giel’s version.  I disliek netdecking.  L  In the end tho I compromised between mine and giel’s version by tinkering mine by about 3 cards.

That’s about all.  Lengthy, but I tried to make it entertaining.

Until next time, may thieves burn in hell and may you always draw the Pot when you need it.  J

* - Pojo.com forumgoers, now is your chance to take another quote out of context and make it funnier than it should be or even is.

** - Yet.  I’m looking at you, Kirk.

The winner of last article’s 50 million brownie points is Edward Myers.  J

Coin Flip can be reached by e-mail at Cakepie (at) gmail (dot) com, provided you are not advertising sex pills.