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Ace’s Multi-Purpose Writing Module #4
How Not To Annoy Your Opponent
By: Ace of Spades - 03.28.05

            Today we examine some common pet peeves in Yugioh. Just as in any game, you need more than the deck to be able to play the game. Some simple steps one should remember if one doesn’t want one’s opponent to cut off one’s head in frustration.

#1: Keep track of your own Life Points!

            If I had a nickel for every person who replied, “I thought you were keeping track” when I ask them where their LP is, I could buy my way through this game twice. Nothing bothers a player more than having to sort through the graveyards, trying to figure out what was negated and what got through, trying to calculate new LP.

            Bring a calculator. Really, go down to the old general store and pick up a cheap one for $2.99. As long as the calculator has a “+” sign, “-“ sign and a set of numbers, you can get by.

For those of you with slightly more advanced calculators, you can keep track for both players, by entering in “80008000”, keeping track of which number is who’s count. When modifying LP for either player, say 2500 LP, perform the appropriate operation.

80008000
           -25000000
             55008000

Or

80008000
-        2500
 80005500

            That’s simple enough, I hope.

            For those of you with fancy-schmancy graphics calculators, devise a LP count program. Use one of the many programs found on this very site. Whatever calculator you happen to possess, there’s a program out there for you.

            Finally, the best piece of advice for this section would be this: Please, please, PLEASE have a rudimentary knowledge of mathematics. The players don’t have time for you to sit around and mess with you calculator, trying to figure out half of 4200.* If you happen to be above sixth-grade math, most of the operations in this game should be second nature.

            Me? I can’t wait for them to release a monster who’s ATK and DEF strengths can only be found through the quadratic formula.

#2: Keep your head in the game!

            I don’t care how many people want to trade with you, it’s going to have to wait until we finish this duel! The ONLY exception should be if somebody is giving you a deal of a lifetime, like a BLS for your Fire Princess.

            It’s very rude to suddenly begin bargaining with somebody while you’re trying to execute a move that requires their attention. I can’t count the times I’ve had to loudly announce my move so my opponent will realize: “Uh, oh. He’s about to do something bad”.

            Unless you’re using it for LP, or are a very good multi-tasker, please turn off your cell-phones. Have you ever seen somebody try to negotiate curfew with their mother while trying to execute their turn? It’s hard to do.

#3: Shower before you come, or otherwise keep your personal hygiene in check. Really, we don’t want to smell you halfway across the gaming store. I mean, I’m not the cleanest player, but at least brush your teeth or something.

            Actually, I think the title speaks for itself quite nicely.

#4: Be prepared.

            -bring a Calculator/pen and paper
            -bring your cards
            -bring your binder
            -bring all appropriate supplies
            -bring money

            Believe it or not, I have seen somebody forget about that second one. Nothings more embarrassing than having to call your mommy and have her bring you your cards.

            If you’ve forgotten your money, do not go around soliciting change. Politely ask if you can borrow some dough. If the person doesn’t want to lend you money, das ist schade**. Don’t bother the person if he doesn’t have the money or doesn’t trust you to give it back. This rules counts especially if the person is in the middle of a duel.

            Bring your binder. People will barrage you with trade requests if you happen to be doing well or if there’s a large amount of newbs at your store. Can you imagine being given the deal of a lifetime, then realizing that you don’t have any cards with you? You’d feel pretty cruddy. I can guarantee that that deal will be gone by the next week.

#5: Keep your cards organized.

            We don’t have time for you to shuffle through your plastic baggie of cards looking for a mediocre-condition card. Don’t make us look through a fifty-page binder looking for one card. Don’t keep us waiting while you try to find your Fusion deck after summoning Scientist or activating Metamorphosis.

            I’ve seen players root through seemingly mile-long pockets trying to dig out their sleeve-less deck, in itself a gruesome sight. By the time you get to play, the game next to you will be on the second duel. If you need more than two and a half minutes to find your deck, just forfeit right there.

            Keep your stuff in one place. At least then, you won’t be searching all over your person for the stuff.

#6: Deck boxes and sleeves, your new best friend.

            You’ve all seen it. The little six-year old kid pulling out a torn-up, dirty eighty-card deck with the bent-up CED on the top. It almost makes you want to shell over the four bucks for deck sleeves and throw them at the kid.

            Rubber bands just add to the mess. Why use the old rubber band off the Doritos bag, when you can buy a nice tin or plastic box for 3 to 6 bucks? Boxes are way better at their job than rubber bands.

            Sleeves keep your cards clean, relatively safe and unbent. If you spill your Diet Vanilla Coke all over the table, your cards will be relatively safe. You may need new sleeves but their precious cargo will have been kept water-free. Nobody likes soggy cards, or decks where you have to peel off the top card during your Draw Phase.

            Ew.

#7: Know how to play.

            As much as you think you know how to play, with your Yugi-haircut and Mattel cheap-o Duel Disc and Kaiba imitation, you should just read the accursed rulebook.

            If you’re above a fourth-grade education, the rulebook should be easy reading. No matter what the experienced players tell you, you don’t need to know all of the errata and advanced gameplay rules. Just be able to play the game with the basic rules in mind.

            There are few players in this world who will patiently explain to you how Tributing works. Whereas, an experienced player will be all to happy to help you understand why Skill Drain negates Jinzo when it hits the field. Or why Jinzo negates Skill Drain when it’s flipped up.

            And to all of you experienced players who I keep mentioning, be nice to the new players. Be patient while you tell them why Mystical Space Typhoon doesn’t negate Heavy Storm. Thanks to your generosity, we’ll slowly gain more experienced, challenging opponents. And who doesn’t want that?

            That pretty much sums up how to be an effective duelist. Sure you may have heard it all before, but things like these need to be drilled into your head through non-violent means.

            I can guarantee that no duelist will berate you about forgetting an advanced rule, but they will when you show up with flies around you, without your deck, forgetting LP or a gross combination of the three.

            Some players can be violent about this stuff. I’ve got the shovel right here.

-Ace of Spades, who wouldn’t really beat you repeatedly with a shovel. He much prefers those metal baseball bats.

Ace can be contacted at ctrlaceofspades@gmail.com

            New rule. Try sending your decks to the Deck Mechanics first. Keeps them on their toes and keeps my inbox somewhat tidy. I still accept new and interesting deck strategies though.

*2100, for the record.

**Sprechen sie Deutsch? Nein? Das ist schade. Too bad.