Attempted Murder – Unfinity
Date Reviewed: November 2, 2022
Commander [EDH]: 3.37
Ratings are based on a 1 to 5 scale. 1 is bad. 3 is average. 5 is great.
This is the kind of card that I associate with an Un-set: a cute word joke, a somewhat random effect, and dice just like in Unglued. Of course, dice are part of the mainline Magic multiverse now, and so apparently is this card, so maybe I’m just out of date.
I’m actually kind of sad that the Storm Crow meme has faded a little in recent years, because we would all do well to remember Alliances occasionally. Perhaps this will revive it, though, because it’ll undoubtedly create lots of vast clouds of birds in conjunction with green’s mana ramp cards and black’s rituals and Cabal Coffers-type cards. And if you could reliably get the -1/-1 counters, it’d be one of the most powerful removal spells of recent times, which I guess is why you can’t get them reliably. This is another card where you’re guaranteed to get something you want, but you’re not sure exactly what, and thus should be fun to play around with. It also underlines that there are now ways to repeatedly roll dice in all five colors, should you want to (just be careful if you’re using Krark’s Other Thumb – it could really draw out this card’s resolution!).
Commander [EDH]: 3.5
Talk about fowl play. Attempted Murder is in that flavorful, but weird design pool that can still occasionally be useful. The starting rate for removal is slightly below-par, but once you get to X = 3 or more, giving a permanent -6′-6 for five mana is pretty solid, and five mana to gett six toughness worth of blockers isn’t bad.
Luck, of course, is the main issue here, but the upshot is that, as long as it resolves, you’ll come away with some tangible result, permanently hamstringing a creature or creating a cavalcade of avian perversions to swoop gratuitously upon thine nemeses. You’ll wind up with a murder all the same, though maybe not in the way you were hoping, but this is a particularly fine card if you don’t care what form that murder takes.
Constructed: 2 (too clunky and slow for Legacy, particularly because you can’t pitch the Storm Crows to Force of Will)
Limited: 4.25 (unreliable as pure removal, but this can definitely do damage)
Commander [EDH]: 3.25 (-1/-1 counter synergies can go a long way, as can a flock of avian perversions)
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