Preface (written by BigSpooky)
"First, there was the great Spooky and his army of Killer Squirrels. But as King Spooky grew older, he found it increasingly difficult to maintain control of his vast armada as he once had. So the king bestowed the right to wield the awesome power of the Killer Squirrels on a select few. This is the story of one brave man who hearkened to the task..."

No, that is definitely not a typo in the header, this tournament took place on the 14th which is a MONDAY.  Apparently, Montgomery and Fairfax county public schools have their spring break this week so the store I play at decided that it would be a good idea to host the weekly tournament on a Monday and then toss in another tournament in on Wednesday just for kicks.  As a result, the tournament this Monday had about half the usual turnout.  Also unusual (but not unexpected, given the circumstances) was that the turnout was 95% kids with only a few older teenagers in attendance and NO ADULTS.  Because of the extenuating circumstances of this tournament, and because I plan to attend the tournament on Wednesday as well, I have subtitled this report "Spring Break Uncensored, Vol. 1" as it fits with the whole Squirrels Gone Wild theme.

Ok, now before I continue, I would like to "constructively criticize" (a.k.a. "rant") the current state of affairs of some "tournament reports" being submitted.  Now, don't get me wrong, many people submit high quality tournament reports.  These reports are informative, descriptive, and (most importantly) fun to read.  Now, if you submit a report and it doesn't have your deck list, how are we supposed to know your strategy and get tips for building our own deck?  Worse yet, I've seen reports where the entire duel is described with two words.  If your entire tournament report is just "Duel 1: I win.  Duel 2: I lose.  Duel 3: I win" then that's not very exciting , descriptive, or informative.  Deck lists are NOT a tournament report and never will be!  And while I know it's tempting to make your report look flashy, simpler really is better (i.e. black text, white background, ordinary font).  Nothing's worse than trying to read something that is dark blue on a black background in Old English font.

And one last thing, ever notice that the decks with the "strongest" sounding names end up being the worst reports ever written?  I'm not going to point fingers but one notable deck list disguised as a tournament report has the subtitle "Try and Stop It."  However, when you open it up, it is JUST A DECK LIST.  How can we even begin to "try and stop it" if we don't even know how it wins?  Granted, it's a beatdown with strong cards but it runs 46 cards and the report doesn't even say how he won or anything.  In it's slops, he says "people who brag about their terrible decks."  You're not supposed to post a tournament report to brag about awesome cards you have, you post it to tell of your experiences and strategies.  No one wants to read how rich you are.  It's not like we will then look up to you or something just because you have 3 Gemini Elves.  On the contrary, you're more likely to get made fun of for having such a crappy report than for having a good deck.  Seriously, I have WAY more respect for the guy playing the "terrible" deck who writes a great report than the guy that just goes "look at all the expensive cards I have."

On that note, I'd like to report even MORE news.  Some of you might be wondering what KSO is or stands for.  Well, KSO stands for Killer Squirrels Online and it's a gang started by BigSpooky.  We basically promote honesty and good sportsmanship as well as help others become better duelists all the while using (or a least admiring) Killer Squirrels.  If you'd like to know more information about KSO or would like to join, check out the bottom of this report or BigSpooky's latest tournament report.

Since we're on the topic of Killer Squirrels now, I'd like to tell of how Squirrels have affected my dueling experience as of late (most notably, this Monday).  As I walked into the shop, I noticed I was being referred to not only as Kris, but as "Daedalus" and "Squirrels" (and eventually "Professor Squirrels", but more on that later).  "Professor Chaos" (as he told me his name was) questioned the squirrels upon my arrival but after a bit of convincing, dubbed me "Professor Squirrels."  One "Dream Wizards Junkie" who I had exchanged e-mails with after he read my last tournament report was also there.  I will now refer to him as "Scorpio" as that is his nickname... or something.  Anyways, the thing was that I was shocked to know that people actually read my tournament reports!  I might actually have to watch what I say in these now, hehe.

With introductions out of the way, it's now time to kick it SQUIRREL STYLE!!!

SQUIRRELS GONE WILD (40 cards)

MONSTERS (20)

Tribute
1x The Fiend Megacyber
1x Summon Skull
Non-Tribute
1x Cyber Jar
2x Dark Elf
2x Kycoo the Ghost Destroyer
2x Gearfried the Iron Knight
2x Magician of Faith
2x Man-Eater Bug
1x Penguin Soldier
1x Witch of the Black Forest (Can snag any creature in my deck)
3x Nimble Momonga (KILLER SQUIRRELS!!!) [Fully endorsed by the Squirrel Master himself, BigSpooky]
1x Sangan (Can snag any utility creature in my deck)
1x Morphing Jar (Yes, American TP2-001!)

MAGIC (12)

1x Change of Heart
1x Dark Hole
2x Heavy Storm
2x Tribute to the Doomed
1x Monster Reborn
1x Pot of Greed
1x Premature Burial
1x Raigeki
1x Snatch Steal
1x Swords of Revealing Light

Traps (7)

1x Call of the Haunted
1x Magic Jammer
1x Mirror Force
1x Seven Tools of the Bandit
1x Solemn Judgment
1x Imperial Order
1x Ceasefire
1x Metalmorph

Sideboard (15)

1x Delinquent Duo (vs Exodia)
1x Soul Release (hoses Exodia)
1x The Forceful Sentry (vs Exodia)
1x Card Destruction (hoses Exodia)
1x Man-Eater Bug (in case I need even MORE removal)
2x 4-starred Ladybug of Doom (vs Beatdown Variants)
1x Collected Power (vs Equip Beatdown Decks)
2x Seven Tools of the Bandit  (vs Control)
1x Mystical Space Typhoon (vs Control)
1x Magic Jammer (vs Control)
1x Exchange (hoses Exodia)
1x Curse of Fiend (vs Scapegoat)
1x Megamorph (vs Burner)

    Ok, here's the basic strategies for the deck:  Beatdown your opponent.  'Nuf said.  In the sideboard, "hoses" means that it just cripples that genre of deck while "vs" means it just gives you an advantage against that deck.

    Those of you who remember my last report will notice a slight change to my deck.  I took out the La Jinns as I already have way too many beatdown creatures and two more vanilla 1800s weren't really needed.  To replace the La Jinns I added my newly acquired Morphing Jar (funny story to why I got that, but more on that later) and then a Sangan to fetch said Morphing Jar.  Finally, I thought Metalmorph was more powerful than Black Pendant as I don't have a Mage Power or United We Stand yet and Black Pendant always left me wanting more attack (plus it's like a mini-rush recklessly or reliable guardian).  Moving right along, my sideboard is dedicated it tweaked a bit, but nothing of note.  Now as to why I got a Morphing Jar.  First of all, it's a very powerful card.  I mean, it gives you 5 cards!  What's not to like?  Did you just discard your entire hand because of your opponents Delinquent Duo (or your Magic Jammers/Tribute to the Doomeds)?  No problem!  Is your opponent playing Exodia?  No Problem!  But still, does that justify it's $80 price tag off e-bay?  Maybe... but the real kicker is that I 1) just got paid and 2) BigSpooky bought one and I somehow decided that I absolutely needed one.  So, I don't have a Jinzo (yet, it's on it's way, but I went into this tournament several weapons short, more on that later) but I have Morphing Jar.  You can tell I got my priorities in order.  Anyways, I had a Jinzo, Magic Cylinder, United We Stand, and Mage Power coming to me before the tournament but up until the time I left for the tournament, they still hadn't arrived so I would be playing with a slight handicap.

    Ok, since this tournament was on an Monday and I attend a private university and not a public school, I actually had classes to go to.  However, the tournament starts at 1:30 (registration starts at 12:30) and my last important class ends at 11:15 so that gave me plenty of time to attend the tournament.  Granted, I DID have a math class in the afternoon, but all I ever do in that class is sit in the back and stare off into space, read something not relating to class, or draw in my notebook so missing it is never a big deal (unless there's a test or a quiz that day, but there was no such quiz or test this day).  However, for my morning classes, I not only had to attend them, but there was a big test in my chemistry class, which I stayed up most of the night before studying for.  I did pretty well on the test, but I ended up only getting 2 hours of sleep.  Anyone who's ever pulled an all-nighter knows that when you get little to no sleep, you're basically running on adrenaline for the duration of the next day, which isn't good.  Side effects include, cramps, stiffness, stomach aches, headaches, and a sharp drop in your ability to concentrate.  Nevertheless, I was determined to make this tournament because I look forward to playing Duel Monsters every week.  After my last important class, I came back to my room and got my cards and trading binder in order and started chatting with some friends online.  Before I knew it, it was 12:30 and it takes me about an hour to get to the "local" card shop using public transportation and my feet.  Basically I have to take a bus to get to the subway station, then take the subway, and then walk another mile to get to Dream Wizards.  I was going to have to get a bit lucky and get a subway train to come by quickly if I hoped to make it there on time.  As I got to the subway station, I looked up at the sign that tells you how much time before a train arrives and it says something like "18 minutes" and I look down at the ground and contemplate not attending this tournament, as there is no way I can make it on time for the tournament if I spend 15 minutes just waiting for the subway.  I look back up at the sign and it says that another train was coming in only 5 minutes I took it as a sign (no pun intended) that I was supposed to attend this tournament.  I got off the subway at about 1:25 or so and it takes me about 10-15 minutes walking to get to the shop, so I ran half the way and made it in about 7 (so I was a couple minutes late) but they said they could still put me in the tournament, because there was a bye in the first round.  About a minute later, another person shows up trying to enter the tournament so they say that I'll be playing the bye while the new guy will get a bye.  Finally, the tournament organizer comes back to the computer and says that he accidentally put someone in the tournament twice, so that was the reason for the bye.  After spending a good 15 minutes or so messing with the computer to fix everything, I ended up dueling the other guy who showed up late.  However, because we started dueling so late, some of the other duelists thought we were in the tournament.  Oh well.  By the way, I use a calculator to keep track of my scores, but unlike the typical TI-83 most people have, I use the more sophisticated TI-89 which does all the math for you, so it's great.  Anyways, I finally realized that I could type in people's names into the calculator in the same place I keep score, so I now have everyone's name (though my spelling may be off, but you can't win them all)!  Now on to the duels!

Round 1: Kris (That's me!) vs Lewis [Beatdown/Burner/Dragon]
Ok, Lewis wasn't a bad duelist, but his deck had about 100 cards in it and when I asked to look through it after the duel, I found it was 3 or 4 different deck types.  I remember his mom was there initially and he said for her to come back in an hour to pick him up.  I guess he didn't expect to last long.  Scorpio ended up being in the seat next to me and we chatted for a while as Lewis and I pile shuffled.  Professor Chaos came over and taunted the squirrels, which only got them restless.  Needless to say, that didn't bode well for Lewis.

Duel 1: I went first and set a Man-Eater Bug and Heavy Storm (you know to syke people out with facedown magic/traps).  He plays 2 Magic/Traps and a monster in attack mode and attacks my bug, which I then use to kill his creature.  Next turn I summon a Killer Squirrel and attack him directly.  I don't think Lewis has faced squirrels before because next turn he played Gearfried the Iron Knight and attacked my squirrel, which gave me a 200 point boost in life and 2 more creatures out on the field and left him confused until I showed him the card.  Next turn I hit him for 3000 with 2 squirrels and Sangan after Tributing to the Doomed his Gearfried.  Next turn he plays an 1800 and attacks Sangan.  I fetch Morphing Jar just for kicks.  Next turn I change of heart his 1800, tribute it for Summoned Skull, and that's game.
Me: 8000-8200-7400
Lewis: 8000-7000-4000-0

Duel 2: This game went too fast and I can't remember too much about it.  I do remember getting a lot of monsters on my side of the field after a cyber jar activates.  I eventually fill up all of my monster slots and eliminate Lewis' life points.
Me: 8000-5650-6650
Lewis: 8000-6550-4150

After reporting in to the judge, Professor Chaos, Scorpio (who had been watching my game after he got eliminated in the first round) and I talk about Killer Squirrels, my fake god cards (see my last tournament report for more info on my fake English god cards) and other randomness.  I was going to help Lewis with his deck but because we had started dueling late, we had been among the last two people dueling and the next round was soon announced.  However, after I checked the pairings, I noticed that I wasn't among them.  After talking to Brian (a judge who I'm cool with), we head up to the computer table to see what's up.  At first they thought that I was going to have a bye this round but what ended up happening is that they had put in the computer that Lewis had won in round one, so they paired me up with the opponent Lewis would've been dueling and I once again started dueling late.

Round 2: Daedalus (That's me too!) vs Spencer [Beatdown]
I've seen Spencer running around the tournaments as of late.  He's a Dream Wizards regular, though we've never dueled.  As I walk over to the table Spencer asks me if I'm the one dueling him and I say "yup" and he says something to the extent of "No!  I hate you!" (he was joking, but I guess my reputation precedes me).  Oddly enough, I'm sitting next to the guy who beat Scorpio the round before.  I look over at his opponent, Jason, who's playing a Legendary Fisherman deck.  I was like "Cool!  Something that's not Beatdown."  This information will come in handy later... sorta.

Duel 1:  We flip a coin and Spencer calls it correctly and opts to go first.  Professor Chaos comes over to our table and warns Spencer to watch out because I have SQUIRREL POWER!  That's not very nice, giving away my secret, hehe.  Anyways, during Spencer's turn, he sets a monster, sets 2 Magic/Trap cards, and then plays Dian Keto the Cure Master on himself.  During my turn, Heavy Storm once again makes an appearance as does  Dark Hole followed by a KILLER SQUIRREL!  Killer squirrels are like Dian Keto the Cure Master that can attack, defend and multiply.  Basically, squirrels are everything Dian Keto the Cure Master wants to be, hehe.  My squirrel lays the smack down for whopping 1000 life points, which basically puts us back where we started.  Sometime in the middle of the duel, Alex (another judge who, though he's a kid, has about all the UD rulings memorized) comes over to me and confirmed that I had indeed won the first round.  After that, I was once again dueling, but it was Spencer's turn.  He set a monster on his turn.  I played Kycoo the Ghost Destroyer and then attacked his facedown creature with my Squirrel.  It ended up being a Man-Eater and he killed the squirrel.  I guess he didn't want it to multiply or give me life.  I then attack him with Kycoo and then premature burialed my Squirrel just to annoy Spencer.  Next turn Spencer attacked the squirrel with an 1800 and I fetched two more from my deck.  Next turn I exchanged Kycoo with his 1800 and then attacked with both squirrels.  Spencer then attacked a Squirrel with an 1800 again.  I didn't have any beatdown creatures in my hand so I set Morphing Jar and Call of the Haunted and switched my squirrel into defense mode.  During Spencer's turn, he attacks my Morphing Jar which forces me to discard Summoned Skull and rewards me with 5 new cards.  Spencer then plays Ookazi.  Next turn I Raigeki, bring back my Summoned Skull and then almost summon Dark Elf until I realize that the combined might of Morphing Jar, Summoned Skull, and a Killer Squirrel is more than enough to finish off Spencer.
Me: 8000-7200-7400-7600-6800
Spencer: 8000-9000-8000-6200-4200-0

Duel 2:  Since Spencer had gone first and lost last time, he tries his luck when he goes second.  I set Dark Elf for some reason on my first turn as well as a Call of the Haunted.  During Spencer's turn he attacks my elf and it dies.  On my turn, I activate Call of the Haunted on my Dark Elf.  About this time Alex comes over and asks how that ended up in my graveyard since it has an attack of 2000 and Spencer only has an 1800 out and no removal in his graveyard.  I tell him it's because I set it facedown (I guess I was trying to syke out Spencer).  I then attack him directly for 2000 and then set Sangan and Metalmorph.  During Spencer's turn, he sets a monster and a magic/trap and ends his turn.  During my turn I draw a card and Spencer activates Dust Tornado to destroy my Call of the Haunted (and subsequently, my Dark Elf).  I then summon Kycoo and then flip Sangan and attack Spencer's facedown creature which ended up having a defense greater than 1000.  I then activate Metalmorph and attach it to Sangan to kill his creature.  Kycoo then attacks him directly.  Next turn Spencer plays an 1800 to take out Sangan.  I play a 2nd Kycoo, Raigeki and finish him off.
Me: 8000-7000-6000-5500
Spencer: 8000-6000-5500-3700-1900-0

Spencer wasn't too thrilled about losing, but he took it like a man.  Afterwards I talked to Professor Chaos some more until Alex yelled at me because round 3 had already started and I was like "oops."  After I find my seat, some kid's dad comments on how I was late for the tournament and how I'm late for duels.  Whatever, you're just upset because your kid's facing Jake (Dream Wizards regular who's about my age and always makes it far in the tournaments.

Round 3: Professor Squirrels (Also me!) vs Rooney [Destiny Board/Beatdown]
Earlier in the tournament I had heard someone get a ruling on Destiny Board.  Turns out that this was the same kid, so I knew he was playing Destiny Board.  I figured my duel Heavy Storms would clench this one in my favor.

Duel 1:  He never drew his Destiny Board so the 3 or so spirit messages in his hand were just wasted space.  I slowly pecked away at his life until I played a Killer Squirrel which he attacked.  After I got my two more Squirrels he proclaimed that he hated that card.  Too bad though, because my army was amassing and he was now on the defensive.  I took this game several turns later.
Me: 8000-7000-6800-5000-6000-4650
Him: 8000-7000-5000-3200-1750-0

Duel 2:  Oh, I drew the craziest hand ever.  I think it was all monsters, and utility monsters at that, so I had nothing to beat him down with which is unheard of since I play 8 beatdown monsters in my deck.  Basically trying to attack with Man-Eater Bug and Penguin Solider wasn't working and I didn't draw many magic or trap cards.  He managed to activate Destiny Board and a few turns later, with no Heavy Storm in my hand, I drew Morphing Jar but messed up when I forgot to set it 2 turns before he pulled the last message.  I pretty much forgot that the message pieces appear at the end of MY turn and when he had F-I-N out I thought I had another 2 turns, which wasn't the case.  Heavy Storm was notably absent this game and he clenched it pretty easily.
Me: 8000-7200-8200-7900
Him: 8000-7300 (pulls FINAL)

Duel 3:  He drew a pretty bad hand this game.  No destiny board, very few ways to stop my attacks.  On the other hand, my hand was ultra amazing and even included a Heavy Storm which I never used because I was going to save it for Destiny Board.  I played a Killer Squirrel early and he never attacked it because he really, really hated them.  On the other hand, he never got rid of it either.  What was kind of funny is that by this time, we were just about the last two people dueling so all the judges were around us.  On top of that, the lack of sleep from the night before was really starting to catch up with me, so I was making mistakes (like I had tried to attack Metalmorph to Gearfried, but my opponent had previously let it go).  On the other hand, he was making mistakes too.  He had previously tried to Trap Hole my Cyber Jar or something with an attack less than 1000.  This game he tried to do the same to my Penguin Knight and with the judges all watching, they told him he had wasted it and that it had to be destroyed.  He got upset and threw a minor fit because my Metalmorph should've been destroyed but he let it go, but I told him that I let his other Trap Hole mistake go.  At this point the judges, who see us arguing, intervene and basically say what happened before is in the past and they were there to regulate now.  Good thing too, because Trap Hole would've put a dent on my plans as I tributed Penguin Soldier for Summoned Skull, Call of the Haunted my Fiend Megacyber, Raigekied and attacked.  With only 800 life left, he drew nothing and had his field open.  Game.
Me: 8000
Him: 8000-5500-800

Afterwards Rooney got a bit upset at his deck for never giving him the F for the destiny board or for giving him his United We Stand or Mage Power which he had in his deck.  Come to think of it, Mage Power works really well in a Destiny Board deck if you can protect your board.  I laughed about having FINAL pulled on me, but hey, it's an honest win.  I just think having pieces in your hand would really suck.  Having them in you deck, not so much.  Big Eye might be a good card to put in a Destiny Board deck since each time the Board activates, you can just reshuffle your deck. While I'm spitting out Destiny Board advice, I think you should play 3 Fs, 2Is, 2 Ns, 1 A, and 1 L, or something like that.  You obviously need 3 Fs because that's the card you MUST have before the rest of it will even work.  Plus, you have 2 spares if they kill the F.  Since the I is the next card to show up, have 3 of those so you can search for it, even after the board gets wiped the first time (besides, you don't want to waste your Magician of Faith getting pieces back when Raigeki or some other amazing card is sitting in your graveyard).  Well, that's just a bit of advice for the Destiny Board player.

Round 4: Kris (Wow, I'm still in the tourney!) vs Jason [Legendary Fisherman]
This is the same Jason playing a Fisherman deck that I saw playing next to me in round 2, so I kind of knew what to expect.  However, at this point in time, I am extremely brain-dead from lack of sleep.  I remember being completely unable to figure out how much attack each of his monsters had with Umi on the field (which, as you all know, should've been easy).  Not that I'm making excuses, just trying to give you an idea of my mind-state because I will make some incredibly stupid moves.  Jason, on the other hand, was calm and calculated the entire time.  As a matter of fact, I enjoyed getting beaten by him.  What I thought was really cool is that anytime I would counter one of his spells or moves, he'd say "Very well then" in a manner that always had me guessing whether he had cared or not.

Duel 1:  Ok, my notes are horrible and I was zoning out nasty style from lack of sleep.  However, the scores are accurate.  During the end of the duel, I ran Sangan into his Legendary Fisherman forgetting that because Umi wasn't on the field that I couldn't attack Jason directly.  Oh well, I still drew the monster I needed (Penguin Soldier) and set it (to be rid of his fisherman) but next turn he change of hearted it and that was game.
Me: 8000-7000-5200-3650-1700-550-0
Adam: 8000-4200-2800

Duel 2:  I really have no idea what happened here.  Star Boy was on the field, which made 7 Colored Fish really big, and for some reason I was defensive instead of trying to kill Star Boy.  Don't know what I was thinking.  I probably wasn't.  My head hurts.
Me: 8000-5600-3450-2400-1200-450-0
Adam: 8000-7000-5200-4950

So, there was only 6 people left in round 4 out of 46, so that is easily my best record ever.  I went to go collect my pack and opened to a rare Axe Raider.  Not great but better than what most people had been pulling all day.  I think there was a common Pot of Greed in there too, which is better than Axe Raider.  I told Jason that I thought his fish deck worked pretty well and he then informed me that he had put it together the night before.  Sick.  Jason was lucky enough to get the bye in round 5 and made it to the finals against Jake.  I haven't played him yet, but I always see him around making it to the finals or semi-finals of these things.  Last week Adam had faced him in the finals and beat him but I think he's probably the top duelist at this store.  Anyways, Jake ended up winning.

Squirrels Gone Wild had been undefeated up until round 3.  I think that had something to do with the weird brackets.  I mean, seriously, some girl sitting next to me in round 3 had a Man-Eater in her deck  Not a Man-Eater Bug, but a Man-Eater.  You know, the plant with, like, 900 attack and no effect.  A Man-Eater.  I had faced duelists in the 2nd round who, had there of been the usual score of 90+ people would've never made it that far.  Not to judge their dueling skills or anything, but a Man-Eater?

Scorpio stuck around too and we dueled each other and other people for grins.  Chris, who works at Dream Wizards, was demoing the new Dungeon Dice Monsters game.  He had the starter plus two boosters in the back of the store and was accepting challengers.  Having already beaten the video game, I challenged him and beat the crap out of him, so did a lot of other people.  Guess it just wasn't his day.  Eventually, Chris let Scorpio and I play each other and I beat him 3 games in a row (one game we just gave up on because he didn't get any monsters out and I had already summoned all 4 of mine and blocked his summoning area).  The last game we played was really close though.  He almost destroyed all my monsters and I didn't have any summons left, but I prevailed.  At that point we had a small crowd and when I won, Chris was like "Fierce!"  It was fun, but I think Dungeon Dice Monsters is WAY too expensive to be taken seriously.

Scorpio's mom gave me a ride back to the Metro stop.  I eventually went home to find not one, but TWO packages waiting for me.  They ended up being... the Pegasus and Joey Starter decks and JINZO.  ARG!  Couldn't those have shown up earlier?  Those would've really helped me.

What's Good and Pure:
-Jake for winning the tournament!
-Scorpio's mom for giving me a ride to the metro!
-Scorpio for being my posse
-Jason for beating me
-BigSpooky for writing awesome tournament reports and for being the inspiration for my tournament reports
-BigSpooky for the new name to my deck and for giving me permission to use Killer Squirrels
-Dream Wizards for hosting the tournament and for finally getting some new tables!
-Me for being undefeated in Dungeon Dice Monsters
-Professor Chaos for giving me a new nickname.
What's Evil and Wicked:
-People who think a deck list and a tournament report are the same thing... you know who you are.
-Me, for having NO idea what happened against Jason.
-Thieves.
 

Comments?  Suggestions?  Wanna know more about KSO?  E-mail me (Kris!) at rage4zero@yahoo.com