Jason Reeves wrote:
Back by popular demand, another poem based on the
exploits of our magic character pwning hero. Enjoy.
TWAS THE DUEL BEFORE ST.PATRICK's
Twas the weekend of St. Patrickıs
And all through the town
All the men and the women
Were gettin toı down
All were enjoying
Their lagers and wine
All, that is, save three
Me, myself, and I
I was too busy
Wondering how things had occured
And thinking last Christmas
Was truly absurd.
I figured it was something
Maybe something I ate
To make me see the things
That I know truly ainıt.
So there I was playing
Just minding my own
When suddenly I heard
A knock and a groan.
³Please Hurry² a voice said
³AND OPEN THE DOOR!²
I did as instructed
And nearly was floored.
What I saw was a man
But not really at all
This man was diminutive
Puny, even Small.
Maybe 3 feet at the shoulder
and probably less
He carried a stick
For walking I guess.
He was dressed in green
From his head to his feet
He had a red beard
Which was trimmed and neat
He smoked a small pipe
Made of corn-cobs and wood
And in his green derby
In my door he stood.
He spoke with an accent
Irish I think
He pulled out a flask
And took a big drink.
³Oi, Laddy,
are you the young chap
who beat Olı Saint Nick
and told him that crap²
³About good feelings, and dueling
and not being right
to honor agreements
that cold Christmas Night.²
³Me name is Shorty
Shorty McPatrick
and you have wronged
something most tragic²
³I used to have fun,
beating Santa and then
taking all the goodies
and toys without end.²
³But now he wonıt gamble
with all his things
So now on Christmas
You know what he will bring?²
³Coal, and switches
and all that guff.
Nothing for me
No more toys and stuff²
³You see, dear laddy
Iım not a good boy
I needed to trick Santa
To receive just one toy²
³And now thanks to you
my season is wrecked
and I am here for my present
your Santa wrecking deck.²
With that he whipped out
a duel disk, covered in clover
He said ³This wonıt be long
This duelıs all but over²
Again, I respond
I jump at the task
I pull my deck from my jammies
And please still donıt ask
I draw my 5,
he draws his too
he says ³Iıll go first,
and laddy, your through.²
I thought it unwise
for him to be braggin
I had a great hand
with Mobius and Cyber Dragon
He goes first
and draws his 6th card
³You ever hear of my luck?
Itıs the greatest by far!²
³Here let me show you²
he says as he plays a spell
³CARD DESTRUCTION!
Now this I will tell...²
³I play another spell
Premature Burial is the name
To go get my Blue Eyes
The one and the same²
³Then I will play,
Giant Trunade you see
Sending my Premee
Back to Me²
³Then I go get
Another Blue Eyes you twit
So now I have 2 on the field
Deal with it²
³I play another spell,
Polymerization
The signature of that Jaden
On the show sweeping the nation²
³I thrown away 3 Blue Eyes
2 on the field and one in my hand
to summon Blue Eyes Ultimate
The biggest in the land²
³Then I play again
a spell from my hand
Dragon Mirror
To summoned again²
³Another dragon of power
the second to come
but wait there is more
I am not done²
I pay 2000 LP
To add to confusion
to activate another spell
Dimension Fusion!²
³Now I have power
the biggest there is
You better do somethin
Oh mighty card wiz²
I hadnıt hardly noticed
the cards he was commanding
I could not get over
how short he was standing.
He looked like a duel disk
just a duel disk with legs
And he smelled of cheap bear
He must have drank kegs.
I snapped back to the game
as I surveyed the seen
They must teach classes
On noobeeness I mean.
He too had forgotten
to place any traps
so now all I had to do
was get rid of this crap
I drew my first card.
It was a Spirit Reaper
Another card in my hand
Had just caught my peapers.
As I said before
I hadnıt been looking
I had not even seen
the strategy I could be cooking
But I saw it now,
as my eyes looked on
Jinzo was staring at me
This should be fun.
And there in my hand
All glowing with power
was my favorite spell
Mage Power
I set the Reaper
And a Scapegoat for later
I set 3 more cards
To fool this short faker
He plays as predicted
just as rash as Santa
He draws a card and says
³Youıre scared arenıt ya!?²
³Just get on with it.² I replied
And just as I thought.
He just attacked.
I new heıd been caught.
The Reaper withstood
all the damage and fighting
The little munchkin looked shocked
for his lip he was biting.
During the end phase
I played my Scapgoats
I was hoping for one card
To make my game float
He grinned as he set
2 traps and ending
I thought that it was the first
smart thing he done all evening.
I drew my next card
and saw his demise
United We Stand
Was beheld to my eyes.
I have no words.
No reasoning speaching
I simply tribute for Jinzo
and let my actions do the teaching.
I counted the Scapegoats
And found four tokens
Then played United
To Jinzo now broken.
Then to finish the deal
Mage Power I put to task
The little man nearly choked
On the drink in his flask.
4400
LPıs to go
and Jinzo was boosted
to 7900! WHOA!!
I rammed the big Psycho
into his Blue Eyes White Dragon
doing 4900
As he fell off the wagon.
He drank in heavily
from the flask and field
all that had happened
And finally slurred ³I yield²
I finally lost it
I finally snapped
³You Yield!?² I shouted
I had had enough of this crap
³You mythical characters!
You story book things!
Why must you torment me!
What anger this does bring!²
³Every time I turn
There is some magical beast
trying to play me
Learn how to at least!²
³You buy all these cards
You all think you are great
But you are all the same
Posers I hate!²
³Now get out of here
In your drunken stooper,
Just get out of my room!
You mutant Oompaloompa!²
He turned to the door
and staggered on through
He slurred out a warning
³This isnıt over for you²
³There are many more seasons
And many more magics
For your this year
Will surely be tragic.²
³Every Bunny, and Uncle,
And Turkey alike
Will come for your deck
With all their might!²
³Just be ready for war
is all I am sayinı
They are better than me
at this game you are playin²
With his last words,
he disappeared
A faint hick-up was all
that tickled my ear.
This news hit hard
as I was quite angered
Was my duel deck in trouble
Could it be in danger?
I simply laid back down
And thought he must be jokinı
My last thought before sleep
Was ³What have I been smokinı²
Pippin
