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Pojo's Pokemon Site - MonsterOfTheLake's Lake - Dearth of Dark and Metal in HP-On Pojo's Pokemon Site - MonsterOfTheLake's Lake - Saga of Sets
MonsterOfTheLake's Lake
MonsterOfTheLake's Lake

Saga of Sets -- Diamond & Pearl

"hi guys. Just letting you know... I've officially passed the torch to MOTL. I hear Ness is still the best? Nothing's changed I guess. Well have fun playing POKEMON! I'm off to go win 10 grand in this $55 online poker MTT. Laterrrrzzzzz" -- RaNd0m

From the hands mouth of the washed up has-been living legend himself! I am now in charge of the Saga of Sets™. So while that loser RaNd0m is busy making thousands of dollars from playing online poker, I will be here writing articles for an audience that doesn't even send in feedback. Sucker!

For those of you not aware, the Saga of Sets is where an ENTIRE set, down to the Energies, is reviewed. Bad cards are ridiculed, and good cards are glossed over, so that the article can induce a lot of lulz. Hope you enjoy it, because that Saga of Sets box took a ludicrously long time to set up.

Point of note: The last Saga of Sets was written in August 5th, 2003. There are players who were born AFTER that article. I guess. If you're one of those juniors, get off my lawn.

With a whopping 130 cards, Diamond & Pearl started Generation IV for the TCG. The flavor text finally made its return, giving cool people like Prime joy. Also introduced was the concept of the Lv.X -- which involves feeding the Pokémon lots of steroids and Rare Candy to get it above level 100, so that your gameboy can't display it's proper level, and just says Lv.X. True story.

Saga of Sets
RaNd0m MonsterOfTheLake

Diamond & Pearl
Diamond & Pearl Set Symbol
What a crappy set symbol
Let's do this!

1/130 – Dialga – The VERY FIRST CARD of a new era, and you start off with THIS? This is HORRIBLE.

2/130 – Dusknoir – This, on the other hand, is ROXOR. Its power is basically a broken-er Narrow Gym. I'm just wondering why it took people until Regionals to realize the potential of this card.

3/130 – Electivire – Had SOME potential, before Gallade came in and beat it like a red-headed stepchild. "Could see use with all the Kingdra out there," you might ask? No. That's not even a question anyway.

4/130 – Empoleon – Not bad, but the MD one is better.

5/130 – Infernape – Oh, what a sweet card this is. RR for 90? Broken! No retreat? Broken! Rigged die + Meteor Punch? Broken! All it needs is a throw flaming poop attack. Because it's a monkey. And monkeys throw poop. At each others' faces. Frequently. Yeah.

6/130 – Lucario – Won a few BRs, did naught else. The Psychic weakness didn't help. Take it from my good friend Pooka:
(7:34:44 PM) Pooka: I should've won nats with it :-(
(7:34:55 PM) Pooka: but I got T2'd 3 times
(7:34:59 PM) Pooka: and missed the cut
(7:35:12 PM) Pooka: the last crushing T2 defeat by the hands of gino
(7:35:34 PM) MOTL: that's like getting raped by a clown
(7:35:41 PM) Pooka: but WORSE
Damn you, Lucario! >=O

7/130 – Luxray – No.

8/130 – Magnezone – The Body is nice, and it now sees some play thanks to the Lv.X. It's not bad.

9/130 – Manaphy – Terrible. You open those shiny new boosters that you bought with your hard-earned money, and you see this disgusting Mew look-alike smiling at you instead of some sweet Lv.X, and then you cry and quit Pokémon.

10/130 – Mismagius – Nice card! It was an average counter to Blissey/Togekiss decks. Could've countered Gardevoir if it wasn't for Blastoise d. And if Gardevoir wasn't broken.

11/130 – Palkia – Eh.. below average. But I'll go ahead and say it's the worst card ever printed in the history of Pokémon. Sensationalism gets feedback.

12/130 – Rhyperior – Fun, fun card. Combo it with Speed Stadium, and your opponents will run through their deck before they realize it! Unless you get Psychic Locked T2. Which is what happened last season. Missing it already.

13/130 – Roserade – One of those cards that no one cares about. You gotta wonder why they even bother printing cards like this. It's a Rare Holo, yet no one would ever, EVER use it. Ever. Not in a billion years. Nope. Nu-uh. No way. Not gonna happen. No. OK, I'll stop.

14/130 – Shiftry – Oh man, it's a flippy single-target ATM Rock! If only it wasn't weak to the ubiquitous Gallade.

15/130 – Skuntank – It's a skunk Pokémon! It FARTS! Farts are funny. Sophomoric humor, you say? Your mom is sophomoric! HEY-O!

16/130 – Staraptor – It's a glorified Fossil Moltres. If you don't know what Fossil Moltres does, get out of my article. I don't even know why we let you animals in here, frankly.

17/130 – Torterra – What a Torterrible card! Actually, Leaf Storm isn't bad, and it does have like, a BILLION HP. OK card.

18/130 – Azumarill – Stupid. Nice art, but stupid.

19/130 – Beautifly – No.

20/130 – Bibarel – It's a beaver on full display! I like this card. Just look at it! The attacks aren't bad either. Sure, they're not good, but they're fun!

21/130 – Carnivine – I didn't know this Pokémon existed, let alone this card. It looks stupid.

22/130 – Clefable – I prefer the Jungle Clefable. I played Clefable back in the day. There's your random MOTL-fact of the day. I know I just rhymed day with day. Okay? Yay =/

23/130 – Drapion – Another one for the "Pokémon I didn't even know existed" pile. Pretty bad card, with a horrible weakness, Gardy or no Gardy.

24/130 – Drifblim – Eh.. Wind Wave is OK, but it's a Stage 1 with 80 HP. It would have been a great card, had it been a basic.

25/130 – Dustox – Terrible. Doesn't even deserve to be in the binder, let alone your decks.

26/130 – Floatzel – Generic looking 3D art, and an overall unplayable card. What the hell is a "flotation sac" anyway? Pokémon is so unrealistic.

27/130 – Gengar – I LOVE this card. Life Drain is super special awesome, assuming you practice flipping heads like the Japanese. Shadow Dance is expensive, but cool. And the card art? Pretty nice if you ask me. But why would you ask me that? Weirdo.

28/130 – Heracross – Would have been pretty amazing if Pitch had a Gust of Wind effect, rather than the half-a-Warp-Point effect. It's an overgrown cockroach with a gigantic horn, Heracross. I wonder what precisely Satoshi Tajiri was thinking when he came up with this. Probably all that money he makes. Much love, big T *throws gang signs*

29/130 – Hippowdon – Crap.

30/130 – Lopunny – To quote myself, it's a "creepy rabbit with demon eyes." That alone should be reason enough to not play this satanic Bugs Bunny. But the card is pretty bad anyway, if my brilliant brand of logic isn't good enough for you. Heathen.

31/130 – Machamp – It's an above average card, unfortunate enough to be released in a would-be Gardy-dominated metagame. Doing 70 for a single Energy is just ludicrous, no matter what the requirement. Well, maybe if the requirement was to have your opponent draw a prize. Oh.

32/130 – Medicham – Is the card art seriously a Medicham showing its butt? I thought this was supposed to be a children's game.

33/130 – Munchlax – A baby Pokémon with 60 HP? What the..?

34/130 – Noctowl – See Beyond could have a nice little combo with Gallade, if it wasn't for that last sentence ruining it. Love the art.

35/130 – Pachirisu – Terrible. It's up there with Misty's Goldeen in the list of terrible rares. Especially considering how roxor the GE Pachirisu would turn out to be.

36/130 – Purugly – Oh man, Body Slam! 50, and paralyze on a FLIP? JUST FOR 4 COLORLESS? BROKEN.

37/130 – Snorlax – Almost as good as Purugly, but it ONLY does 40 for 4 Colorless, instead of Purugly's BROKEN 50.

38/130 – Steelix – Woah, 60 if you get 2 heads for a single metal? But the odds of that is the same as Smash Punching a baby to win a tourna.. oh.

39/130 – Vespiquen – Not a bad card, actually. Leaf Honey could be broken with something like Torterra. And in Torterra mirror, you could to 120 for 2G. But the odds of that is the same as Smash Punching a baby to win a tourna.. oh.

40/130 – Weavile – Atrocious. Three darks to do like, 50? Purugly does that with JUST 4 COLORLESS.

41/130 – Wobbuffet – Oh man, with 80 HP, you get this baby to have 70 damage done to it, right? Then you attach a Psychic and a Heal Energy, Countercharge, and flip tails. And then you get Psychic Cut for 180. And then you cry and quit Pokémon.

42/130 – Wynaut – Wynaut? BECAUSE IT SUCKS.

43/130 – Budew – Broken. If you're not running 4 in every deck, your excuse better be "I don't have that many."

44/130 – Cascoon – Oh man, GOOEY! Anyone remember how AWESOME that was? For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, send in feedback. Not because I'll tell you what it is or anything. Just saying.

45/130 – Cherrim – Uh.. it's a.. cherry? Seriously? Is Satoshi Tajiri even trying anymore? What's next, a demon bunny Pokémo.. ohh.

46/130 – Drifloon – Blowing Wind is broken, and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise to the death.

47/130 – Dusclops – The card that no one uses. Ever. This card has not been used by any player in the history of Pokémon. Don't tell me you saw Yamato teching one of these, or that you saw that kid in your league one time playing a 4-2-4 Dusknoir line with 2 of this card. This card doesn't even exist. It's a conspiracy.

48/130 – Elekid – Cool art. Like all other new-age babies, it's a dreadful card to actually play, but cool art.

49/130 – Grotle – Synthesis is BROKEN.

50/130 – Haunter – Oh man, it's Base Haunter ex! What's next, reprinting Base Set Chariza.. ohh.

51/130 – Hippopotas – What the **** is going on in that picture?

52/130 – Luxio – Pikachu clone mk314894273.

53/130 – Machoke – Decent, but Gardy, blah blah.

54/130 – Magneton – Sweet deal, Magnetic Ray that benched Magmortar's Scramble and move it to Chatot! It's like the new Xatu!

55/130 – Mantyke – Another revolting, disgusting, sickening baby. "Hey guys, we have this great concept, where one has to flip to attack a baby, so people can actually use baby Pokémon!" '**** that, baby Pokémon must DIE' ".. but sir!" '40 HP AND WEAKNESSES ON ALL BABIES, PRONTO.'

56/130 – Monferno – Oh man, Flame Dance is like, your MOTHER? 30 for a single Fire, AND attach a Fire from discard? AMAZING card. If only Kingdra didn't exist.

57/130 – Nuzleaf – Tails fails, just like this card. BUUUURN!

58/130 – Prinplup – Aqua Shower is broken. Seriously, it's broken. Great card.

59/130 – Rapidash – RAPID ASH KETCHUM! Eh.. it's bad. I can't think of a single good Rapidash anyhow. Why does TPC drink the hatorade on Rapidash?

60/130 – Rhydon – Eh.. Storm Up is.. average? Weakness kills it.

61/130 – Riolu – Oh man, it's TYROGUE. Go go Smash Punch! Baby rule, HEADS. Smash Punch, HEADS. GFG.

62/130 – Seaking – Horn Drill is excellent. WW for 50. If you played this card with Desert Ruins in play, would it die? How does a goldfish breathe in a desert? Pokémon is so unrealistic.

63/130 – Silcoon – It's a bad Cascoon. Seriously. A bad Cascoon.

64/130 – Staravia – THERE ARE THREE STARAVIAS IN THE PICTURE! That means it counts as THREE Pokémon in play when you play this card! That's not a joke, ask the Compendium and they'll tell you.

65/130 – Unown A – Horrendous.

66/130 – Unown B – Awful.

67/130 – Unown C – Appalling.

68/130 – Unown D – You thought I'd say something bad, right? You're WRONG, this card is BROKEN, and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.

69/130 – Azurill – Delivery is seriously cool. It's like, "Hey, you thought I used 4 Rare Candies, here's Rare Candy FIVE." BAM, Night Maintenance, Duskull, Dusknoir, Great Ball, Bebe's Search, Rare Candy, Dark Palm, Energy Switch twice, play Psychic Energy, Switch, 110 FOR THE GAME. And then your opponent cries and quits Pokémon.

70/130 – Bidoof – It's cute. And retarded. But cute nevertheless.

71/130 – Bonsly – Oh man, Fake Tears is BROKEN. No Trainer cards, AND 1 and a half defenders on Bonsly. SICK.

72/130 – Buizel – WHAT THE **** IS A FLOTATION SAC?!

73/130 – Buneary – Go go Jump Kick! You thought you could get away with leaving that Claydol at 10 HP? You're WRONG, and you DIE.

74/130 – Chatot – Greatest card ever. Seriously. That's one badass parrot.

75/130 – Cherubi – That's no Pokémon, that's a delicious cherry. I will eat you.

76/130 – Chimchar – Oh man, 10 for NO ENERGY.

77/130 – Clefairy – SO CUTE.

78/130 – Cleffa – Absolutely wrong when you consider how AMAZING the Neo Genesis Cleffa was.

79/130 – Combee – Soliciting Nectar? That sounds like something Chris Hansen would accuse you of. Why don't you take a seat.

80/130 – Duskull – Disable on a FLIP? Ohh.. it's decent.

81/130 – Electabuzz – It's an emo Electabuzz! Honestly, the Base one was so much better. Go go Haymaker. All your Wigglys are belong to us.

82/130 – Gastly – Pain Payback? Mo' like, Pain SUCKback. Yes, I'm not in elementary school, why do you ask?

83/130 – Glameow – Worst Pokémon card ever printed. Ever.

84/130 – Goldeen – Goldeen has 60 HP now. Apparently. Used to have 30.

85/130 – Hoothoot – Worst Pokémon card ever printed. Ever.

86/130 – Machop – Broken. GREAT basic.

87/130 – Magnemite – I do not like this card. Because it is not useful.

88/130 – Marill – I thought it was spelled Marril. Weird.

89/130 – Meditite – Detect has great stalling potential. Late game, throw it up, attach a Multi, heads, you live for another turn. And then they Warp Point. Oops.

90/130 – Mime Jr. – A poor man's Chatot. Good attack, but the Psychic requirement kills it.

91/130 – Misdreavus – Terrible.

92/130 – Onix – Terrible.

93/130 – Piplup – It's not bad at all. Free attack, and 60 HP. Better-than-decent basic.

94/130 – Ponyta – Gotta say, the art on this card is amazing. The attacks, not so much.

95/130 – Rhyhorn – Gotta say, the art on this card is amazing. The attacks, not so much.

96/130 – Roselia – Worst Pokémon card ever printed. Ever.

97/130 – Seedot – Bide has great stalling potential! It's like a Focus Band, except it needs Energy. And it's an attack. And it enjoys scaring other Pokémon. Apparently.

98/130 – Shinx – Great, another Pikachu clone.

99/130 – Skorupi – Holy **** that's a scary looking Pokémon.

100/130 – Sneasel – Bad, really bad. And to think, the original Sneasel had to be banned due to how great it was. You bring shame to your ancestors, Sneasel DP.

101/130 – Starly – Great, another Pidgey clone.

102/130 – Stunky – "Severe Gas" is one of the funniest attacks ever. There's a Pokémon that had an extra helping of beans and cabbage.

103/130 – Turtwig – Pretty decent.

104/130 – Wurmple – String Shot is broken, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

105/130 – Double Full Heal – Worst Trainer card ever printed. Might as well just quit Pokémon if you have to play this card. "Judge? I quit Pokémon." 'You sure?' "Yeah." 'OK.'

106/130 – Energy Restore – Flippy. Works in some decks.

107/130 – Energy Switch – Best Trainer card ever. If you're not playing 4 in every deck, your excuse better be "I don't have that many."

108/130 – Night Pokémon Center – This card makes me SICK. Reprint Gold Berry!

109/130 – PlusPower – Whoa, so after 8 years, COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE, you reprint THIS? What's next, reprinting Base Charizard? Oh. I see.

110/130 – Poké Ball – Sucked due to Celio's Network. Now used due to the lack of Celio's Network.

111/130 – Pokédex HANDY910is – I hate this card, but people use it for some reason. Probably just to spite me.

112/130 – Professor Rowan – It was great at the Professor Cup.. that's about it, really. Not much use for it, thanks to Claydol.

113/130 – Rival – Horrendous card. "Hey opponent, pick some cards for me." 'OK, enjoy your 3 Call Energies.' "Oh."

114/130 – Speed Stadium – Situational. Dig the steampunk-ish art.

115/130 – Super Scoop Up – I hate this card. Seriously. It's not bad, I just have too many bad memories involving it. In particular, one where GrandmaJoner successfully scooped up a Wailord. With 190 damage. >:|.

116/130 – Warp Point – The best trainer in this set by far. Warp Point is the latest descendant Gust of Wind. I'd prefer Double Gust, but beggars can't be choosers. Not that I'm a beggar. Please send me feedback.

117/130 – Energy Search – No.

118/130 – Potion – No.

119/130 – Switch – It depends. Not that useful. Could work in Torterrible.

120/130 – Empoleon LV.X – THE FIRST LEVEL X CARD! Eh, it's OK. Supreme Command is nice. But Empoleon really doesn't need it.

121/130 – Infernape LV.X – It may look like Satan, but it isn't very effective.

122/130 – Torterra LV.X – Broken. Forest Murmurs is really, REALLY useful. But it's still Torterrible. Take THAT, Pooka!

123/130 – Grass Energy – Awesome card. A 'must' in every Grass deck =/

124/130 – Fire Energy – Awesome card. A 'must' in every Fire deck =/

125/130 – Water Energy – Awesome card. A 'must' in every Water deck =/

126/130 – Lightning Energy – Awesome card. A 'must' in every Lightning deck =/

127/130 – Psychic Energy – Awesome card. A 'must' in every Psychic deck =/

128/130 – Fighting Energy – Awesome card. A 'must' in every Fighting deck =/

129/130 – Darkness Energy – Awesome card. A 'must' in every Darkness deck =/

130/130 – Metal Energy – Worse than Base Gastly. The worst card ever printed.

Every day you don't send me feedback, the Dow drops several points. Ooh, topical.

Have a Pookalicious weekend!


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