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A Decade of Laziness: Turbo Commons 6.0 - B. Siems
Some time ago -okay, August of 2006- I posted the latest in a long string of decks called "Turbo Commons." In review: Turbo Commons was created by Wizard magazine staffer Mike Searle waaaaaaay back in issue #25 of Inquest Magazine, May 1997. As is tradition, Turbo Commons is an B/R aggressive weenie deck backed up by cheap but powerful support spells. There will be no card with a casting cost over three. The deck will be PEZ legal and usually legit for Standard play. For some reason (and in spite of the fact that I’m too much of a Luddite to give the online gaming thing a shot), I’m also semi-obsessed with making sure the damn decks are playable for Magic Online.
And yes, a decklist.
TURBO COMMONS, version 1.0
Standard (for 1997) and PEZ legal.
1 Bone Harvest
2 Cadaverous Knight
2 Crypt Rats
2 Dark Banishing
2 Dark Rituals
2 Drain Life
1 Fallen Askari
1 Hymn to Tourach
3 Order of the Ebon Hand
3 Skulking Ghost
3 Tar Pit Warrior
4 Lightning Bolt
3 Suq’Ata Lancer
1 Fountain of Youth
2 Phyrexian War Beast
1 Yotian Soldier
Any of you who remember the original decklist for TC 1.0 probably realize that I’ve upped the number of Skuling Ghosts & Tar Pit Warriors while lowering the Fallen Asarki and Hymns by one. Why, you hypothetically ask? Because I totally screwed the pooch on the original card count. This is the way it should have been listed back in the day.
We all up to speed? Good. Anyway, in my last revision of Turbo Commons, I kinda sorta, just maaaaaybe said "I intend to revisit version 1.0 of TC at some point before my life’s end. It would be a shame not to, now that both Mirage and Visions are legal in certain MTGO formats."
So why the year long wait? I’m lazy as hell. Well, that and a massive case of indecision. Most of the deck consists of cards from Mirage and Visions. Those that weren’t? Ah, there’s the "indecision" kicking in. Take Lightning Bolt as an example. (Please. Ba-da-bump!) What ever would I replace it with? Shock? More Incinerates? Glacial Rays? Also, to upgrade or not to upgrade. Should I swap out some of the Mirage block spells with some fresher cards? And if so, with what? Is Terminate better than Dark Banishing? What about Innocent Blood? Sudden Death? Gah! Brock torn! Can’t...make...a decision...
Things even got so bad that I even begged Bmoor to help my lazy arse. (Insert "deck garage" plug here.) But then Wizards created Masters Edition, adding to the online pool all of the cards the deck didn’t have, so I no longer have to worry about it. Laziness triumphs over hard work once again! SCORE!
Oh, wait. I hear that hypothetical questioner again; "So, does this mean you’re not gonna revisit it?" Why, yes. Yes it does. And yet another article comes to a successful close! Feel free to send feedback to...
"But...but you said you would! It’s in writing and everything!"
It is? Really?
"Dude, look up six paragraphs!"
You are correct, hypothetical sir. Damn.
You want a new Turbo Commons deck? You’ll get your revised decklist. But do keep in mind that I am lazy.
TURBO COMMONS 6.0 (a.k.a. "Enough already!")
Standard (Time Spiral/Coldsnap/Lorwyn/Tenth Edition) and PEZ legal. (Uncommons marked with *)
2 Consume Spirit
2 Dark Banishing
2 Dark Ritual (Yes, Coldsnap pre-con deck reprints are Standard legal. I checked.)
1 Footbottom Feast
1 Mind Rot
3 Skulking Knight
3 Trespasser Il-Vec
2 Blazing Blade Askari
1 Bogardan Lancer
2 Martyr of Ashes
3 Suq’Ata Lancer
*1 Bottle Gnomes
1 Fountain of Youth
*2 Soultether Golem
Yes, it’s an almost card-for-card redo of the decklist. Lazy, remember? In all seriousness (and considering the tone of this article so far, even *I* can’t believe I’ve typed that with a straight face), I wanted to do a tenth anniversary version of Turbo Commons. Y’know, a "the more things change, etc." kinda thing. And with the return of flanking AND Bone Harvest (you young’uns call it Footbottom Feast) AND Dark Ritual to Standard, now’s the time!
I have to type up basic strategy for playing
this deck, don’t I? I would totally cut and paste
paragraphs from past articles if I thought I could get
away with it. But since I can’t, Turbo Commons 6.0
follows the tried and true game plan of its’ ancient
ancestors; storm the battlefield with an army of cheap,
small and powerful critters. Don’t let your troops get
pinned down on the beach. If they do, get ‘em off the
beachhead as soon by laying down some cover fire with
your own support spells. Once the pillbox defenses are
done blown up real good, send your band of brothers in
for the final push.
Play tips and general commentary: don’t lose. Gawd, you want more? *sigh*
1) Skulking Knight, Suq’Ata Lancer, Blazing Blade Asarki and Bogardan Lancer for the power of Flanking!
2) Incinerate and Shock for creaturekill and burn!
3) Distress and Mind Rot for hand disruption!
4) Rough/Tumble for mass creaturekill!
5) Dark Ritual for more speed!
6) Dark Banishing and Consume Spirit for extra creaturekill AND burn!
7) Fountain of Youth and Bottle Gnome for lifegain!
8) Martyr of Ashes as a stand in for Crypt Rats, which was for more mass creaturekill! (Kill ‘em all!)
9) Soultehter Golems for...I’m not sure why, frankly!
10) Trespasser Il-Vec for his something like an evasion ability!
11) Footbottom Feast for use as a reset button if our own or others mass creaturekill does us in!
12) Sangrophage just for being so damn cool!
And that completes this exercise in testing Ye Pojo Editor’s patience. ;) As for you, gentle reader, feel free to send feedback to my lazy butt at email@example.com. Until then, I remain...
Special "Thank God I don’t play MTGO" section: Just because the original Turbo Commons deck can now be put together online, don’t get it in yer heads that’s it’s gonna be easy. Oh no, no, no. Get ready to spend and trade away. Here’s where you can find them cards.
MIRAGE: Bone Harvest, Cadaverous Knight,, Dark Banishing, Dark Ritual, Drain Life, Incinerate, Skulking Ghost
VISIONS: Coercion, Crypt Rats, Fallen Asarki, Suq’Ata Lancer, Tar Pit Warrior
SEVENTH EDITION: Crypt Rats, Dark Banishing
EIGHT: Coercion, Dark Banishing
NINTH: Coercion, Dark Banishing
COLDSNAP: Dark Banishing, Dark Ritual, Incinerate
MASTERS EDITION: Hymn to Tourach, Order of the Ebon Hand, Lightning Bolt, Phyrexian War Beast
TENTH: Fountain of Youth, Incinerate
TIME SPIRAL: Suq’Ata Lancer
MIRRODIN: Yotian Soldier
Still wanna build it? Good luck with that. ;)
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