Subject: How to make a Bad Deck! A satire.
- Brett Livingston

Here are some tips on how to make a bad deck.  Ever
gone to a tournament, and won all of the games?  That
gets so boring, follow these decent tips to make a 0-2
deck EVERY MATCH!  No kidding!

First off- Lands.  When making a deck don't use
enough!  If you have 2 colors, never use 24 lands, the
pros do that mostly. For instance, If you were playing
turboland:
4xYavimaya Coast
1xDustbowl
1x Treetop Village
14xIsland
5xForest
would be horrible, to go 0-2 play
11xForest
11xIsland
Painlands deal damage to you, pros use them "For Fun"
no one knows why they are priced $4-5.

Second- Creatures.  When you look at creatures, look
ahead into the future!  For instance, Why play Call of
the Herd when you can play nut collector?  With call
of the herd by 4th turn maybe 4rd you have 2 3/3's in
your opponents face!  But with Nut collector, 4 in
play every upkeep you get 4 9/9's clearly more
impressive!  So impress them first, use the nut
collector, they cost 6 mana, so that will be enough to
play in a tournament.  Also don't play any card with a
good ability that has power and toughness equal to its
casting cost, or greater!  Cards like Phyrexian
Negator, Wild Mongrel, Blastoderm, Spiritmonger and
the such are too big or good for thier casting costs.
Jareth should be put in all white weenie decks! He's a
great blocker, which won't win you the game, so to go
0-2 play him.  He might screw sligh over so dont put 4
in!  But he costs 6, so slig would kill you by then.

Also, spells.  Look at Ixidor's Will! pay 2? for each
wizard?  WOW! Use that instead of mana leak because
with 10 wizards in play, they need to pay 20, not even
pro decks let alone the bad deck we will make could
pay 20 mana!  Mana Leak pros use it because they don't
like the wizard creature type.  Any type of mass
removal for 4 or less should not go in your deck, 
like pernicious deed, wrath of god or powder keg.

When making a deck
do
not
use
CONSISTENCY!  I mean, why would you want 4 of the same
card in play, especially basking rootwalla, maybe
you'd want 4xNut Collector!

Just remember heed all of the advice above, and you
should get 0-2 in a tournament. EASY!