“Tournament of the Stars”
The Weapon of My Choosing:
By JMatthews, 5.13.05
They came out of nowhere. A black bag was shoved over my head as I was quickly shoved into the back of some large vehicle stinking of a mixture of cheap knock-off perfumes. I struggled only to be kicked in the gut several times, which quickly lead to my surrender.
The vehicle I was in began to move and seemed to travel forever. Finally, we stopped and I was rolled out and allowed to land hard on the concrete. Slowly I stood but only after being told to do so. Arms grabbed me and led me in my stumbling walk. After a few minutes of walking I had the feeling I was inside some sort of building.
Eventually I was forced to sit down and the bag was
thankfully removed from my head. Blinking, I looked around the room. As my
sight began to adjust I looked around the room and noticed what appeared to be
your average game shop – only this wasn’t your average game shop. Celebrities
WHAT??? Was I dreaming??? This was crazy!!! A room full of celebrity Duel Masters players??? A man who looked exactly like Richard Dawson from the “Price is Right” approached me. Wait! That was Richard Dawson!
“I hear you think your some hot shot Duel Masters player?” Richard Dawson says in a strict accusatory manner.
“Well, I wouldn’t sat ‘hot shot’…” - or at least I try to say this. I believe it came out more as a mumble. Still, Richard Dawson seemed to understand my unintelligible ramblings.
“You’re JMatthew from that Pojo site, right?”
Nervously I nod.
“Well, we’ve been reading all that ‘holier than though’ advice you’ve been given and now it’s time to prove yourself.”
Too scared to tell off Richard Dawson, I gulped and nodded my head in acknowledgement.
Ding Ding! Round One!
Who would have thunk it! The
President of the
10x Billion Degree Dragon
10x Invincible Cataclysm
10x Invincible Technology
10x King Tsunami
Sure enough, the first round went just like I expected. The President began laying down mana after mana with out playing a single card, yet still possessed a smile of confidence. One Emeral on my side was slowly beating him down when I suddenly noticed five Invincible Technology in his mana zone! Immediately I called for a judge. As the judge approached a dozen men in black suits cut him off and began to carry the surprised judge away. Another black suited man turned to me and in the coldest voice I have ever heard he ordered me to continue the game. With a gulp of nervousness I continued. The game ended a few short turns later after my lowly Emeral took his last shield.
As we shuffled for the next game the President was shaking his head trying to figure out where he went wrong. Within moments Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld broke through the crowd and began advising the President. He ended his advising by looking up at me and saying, “Don’t worry, Mr. President. You will win the next two games.” I stared at Rumsfeld dumbfounded for a moment and then began to glance around at the Presidents entourage. Every single one of those gun-toting, muscle laden Secret Service agents where staring directly at me as if they were ready to tear my head off and use it as a basketball.
Needless to say, the President went on to win the next two
games to take the match. As he swung for the final blow with a Billion Degree
Dragon he shouted out, “Take that Saddam Hussein!” I simply stared at him, not
knowing how to respond at first. Finally, I weakly croaked out a “Good game.”
The President nodded and told me, “You should never mess with the
Ding! Ding! Round Two!
Wow! Tom Cruise! And I thought he was supposed to be cool! Why is he playing Duel Masters???
His Deck: Tommy’s Angels
4x Invincible Aura
4x Ethel, Sea Star Elemental
4x Urth, Purifying Elemental
4x Hanusa, Radiance Elemental
4x Miar, Comet Elemental
4x Syrius, Firmament Elemental
4x Rimuel, Cloudbreak Elmental
4x Alcadies, Lord of Spirits
4x Lu Gila, Silver Rift Gaurdian
4x Holy Awe (Foil Promo, of course)
What an impressive looking deck! It seems Tom Cruise’s deck had to be as pretty as he is with all super-cool golden foils beaming their way into play. Unfortunately for Tom, few of these cards made it into play and the few that did I was able to quickly dispense with thanks to the likes of Terror Pit, Natural Snare and Corile. As I swung for the match he simply gave me one of those crooked smiles and said, “Good game!” A really good sport, that Tom Cruise.
Afterward we had plenty of time and so we chatted it up and talked about how many hot girls he had dated, though I must admitted I started to get a little board when we went on and on about Nicole Kidman for a 20 minutes straight. Nice guy, though.
Ding! Ding! Round Three!
I found him! The fallen “American Idol” host from the first season of the hit reality show has apparently been hiding out amongst the CCG playing crowd!
His Deck: “Out of Work Host” Fire Rush
4x Deadly Fighter Braidclaw
4x Brawler Zyler
4x Pyrofighter Magnus
4x Snip Striker Bullraizer
4x Mini-Titan Gett
4x Immortal Baron Vorg
4x Burning Power
4x Crimson Hammer
4x Phantom Dragon’s Flame
4x Volcanic Arrows
Apparently being an out of work television host who blew off
one of the biggest shows in
As our first game started I quickly realized that Brian Dunkleman was going to be my biggest challenge of the tournament thus far. However, like nearly all mono-Fire decks being playing against pure control, if you can just outlast them for those first few turns their deck will quickly peter out. Brian’s was no different and I was able to quickly turn the game in my favor with a well-played Searing Wave.
The next game Brian began to sulk and played only half-heartedly. This made it even easier for me to control the game as he was barely paying attention. I guess he had just given up after losing the first game and rather than fighting for those next two games to win the match he continued to play just because it was what he was supposed to do. This game went quick with me as the victor…easily.
After the match I tried to be a good sport, however Brian just got up from his chair and blew me off.
Ding! Ding! Round Four!
As Jett Li sat down across from me he was clearly focused on the game, yet still maintained a level of politeness and respect you would expect from a seasoned martial artist.
His Deck: Fire/Darkeness Agro/Control
4x Brawler Zyler
4x Immortal Baron Vorg
4x Mini-Titan Gett
4x Explosive Dude Joe
4x Armored Blaster Valdios
2x Bolshack Dragon
4x Terror Pit
4x Death Smoke
4x Rothus, the Traveler
4x Volcanic Arrows
This was the scariest and most dangerous deck I played this day. Let me tell you, he played it with skill. The first game he quickly overwhelmed me before I could set up any sort of presence. The second I managed to dominate the board before he could pull anything worthy of defeating me. The third game nearly ran to time as we each countered the others maneuvers, never allowing the other to break in. With a single card left in my deck I was finally able to bust through for the win.
George W. Bush went on to win the day, though there was a great deal of controversy surrounding his win with many people blaming conservative talk radio for his win. Surprisingly, Michael Jackson managed to oust me in the tie-breakers with second and forcing me into third. Either that or it was his lawyer, which he had with him, who happened to of had a lengthy conversation with the tournament organizer just before the results where announced.
After the tournament I was returned in much the same fashion as I was brought to it. Unfortunately, when I got home I noticed my deck was missing. Looking back, I believe I lost it sometime around when I was talking to Winona Ryder – wonder what happened to it?
Michael Jackson plays out is mono-Water deck.
For some reason Michael Jackson
would not stop asking people if they wanted to “play in his tub”
every time he played a new water card.
George Lopez vs. Adam Sandler
While they both maybe comedians, Lopez just
doesn’t seem to get Sandler’s sense of humor.