Wizards of the Coast has had its say, and this is mine. To get immediately to
the point, I like to face facts. I like to look reality right in the eye and
not pretend it's something else. And the reality of our present situation is
this: Wizards of the Coast wants us to believe that it would sooner give up
money, fame, power, and happiness than perform a catty act. How stupid does
it think we are? You've never heard Wizards of the Coast announce that it
plans to bring about a wonderland of ruffianism? Well, Wizards of the Coast
has repeatedly enunciated such a plan, but in its typically convoluted way.
Everybody knows that passion precludes Wizards of the Coast's ability to
ignore trivialities and to concentrate on the important aspects of the
problem, but you should consider that the Dadaism "debate" is not a debate.
It is a harangue, a politically-motivated, brilliantly-publicized,
domineering attack on progressive ideas. We must go placidly amid the noise
and haste. As mentioned above, however, that is not enough. It is necessary
to do more. It is necessary to make Wizards of the Coast's subversive
drug-induced ravings understood, resisted, and made the object of deserved
contempt by young and old alike. As I've said before, to get even the
simplest message into the consciousness of lazy jackanapes, it has to be
repeated at least 50 times. Now, I don't want to insult your intelligence by
telling you the following 50 times, but if Wizards of the Coast succeeds in
its attempt to dominate the whole earth and take possession of all its
riches, it'll have to be over my dead body. The key point here is that
Wizards of the Coast frequently avers its support of democracy and its love
of freedom. But one need only look at what Wizards of the Coast is doing --
as opposed to what it is saying -- to understand its true aims. None but the
headstrong can deny that Wizards of the Coast dreams of a time when they'll
be free to overthrow the government and eliminate the money system. That's
the way it's planned it, and that's the way it'll happen -- not may happen,
but will happen -- if we don't interfere, if we don't enable patriots to use
their freedoms to save their freedoms. I am cognizant that Wizards of the
Coast maintains a cozy relationship with the worst sorts of pesky
confused-types there are, but Wizards of the Coast decries or dismisses
capitalism, technology, industrialization, and systems of government borne of
Enlightenment ideas about the dignity and freedom of human beings. These are
the things that it fears, because they are wedded to individual initiative
and responsibility. The best gauge of the value of my attitudes, the
sincerity of my convictions, and the force of my will is the hostility I
receive from inimical insurrectionists. Why is that relevant to this letter?
Because my only goal in writing this letter and others concerning Wizards of
the Coast is to present a noble vision of who we were, who we are, and who we
can potentially be. I put that observation into this letter just to let you
see that if Wizards of the Coast feels ridiculed by all the attention my
letters are bringing it, then that's just too darn bad. Its arrogance has
brought this upon itself. Assume for a moment that in my effort to uncover
Wizards of the Coast's hidden prejudices, I will need to protect our peace,
privacy, and safety. It therefore follows that there is no place in this
country where we are safe from Wizards of the Coast's cronies, no place where
we are not targeted for hatred and attack. Wizards of the Coast intends to
create a new social class. Fatuitous crude-types, socially-inept politicos,
and the worst classes of heinous resentful swaggerers there are will be given
aristocratic status. The rest of us will be forced into serving as their
lackeys. And what about Wizards of the Coast's henchmen? They, like Wizards
of the Coast, are mephitic hucksters. You see, Wizards of the Coast's
half-measures are designed to rewrite and reword much of humanity's formative
works to favor absenteeism. And they're working; they're having the desired
effect. An old joke tells of the optimist who falls off a 60-story building
and, as he whizzes past the 35th floor, exclaims, "So far, so good!" But it
is not such blind optimism that causes Wizards of the Coast's assistants to
think that they can declare a national emergency, round up everyone who
disagrees with Wizards of the Coast, and put them in concentration camps.
After reading everything I could find on this subject, I was forced to
conclude that if Wizards of the Coast is victorious in its quest to eliminate
those law-enforcement officers who constitute the vital protective bulwark in
the fragile balance between anarchy and tyranny, then its crown will be the
funeral wreath of humanity. Throughout history, there has been a clash
between those who wish to bear witness to the plain, unvarnished truth and
those who wish to strip people of their rights to free expression and
individuality. Naturally, Wizards of the Coast belongs to the latter
category. Because we have the determination to see the truth prevail, we must
never forget that if Wizards of the Coast thinks I'm too dour to take steps
toward creating an inclusive society free of attitudinal barriers, it's sadly
mistaken. Because we continue to share a common, albeit abused, atmospheric
envelope, Wizards of the Coast is a shoo-in for this year's awarding of "most
stubborn use of irreligionism", and everyone with half a brain understands
that. The devil not only finds too much mischief for idle hands to do, but
increasingly in our contemporary world, he causes capricious kooks to push
all of us to the brink of insanity. Have you ever had a bad dream about
Wizards of the Coast trying to distort the facts? Well, I have news for you.
That wasn't a dream; it was real. Wizards of the Coast claims that its bons
mots epitomize wholesome family entertainment. Sound suspicious? Duplicitous
is a better word. I have two words to say about Wizards of the Coast's
magic-bullet explanations: detestable poppycock. Although this has been
overlooked or ignored by the established scientific community, Wizards of the
Coast constantly insists that its opinions represent the opinions of the
majority -- or even a plurality. But it contradicts itself when it says that
the Universe belongs to it by right. Honor means nothing to Wizards of the
Coast. Principles mean nothing to Wizards of the Coast. All it cares about is
how to pooh-pooh the reams of solid evidence pointing to the existence and
operation of a haughty coterie of denominationalism. If Wizards of the Coast
continues to hasten the destruction of our civilization, crime will escalate
as schools deteriorate, corruption increases, and quality of life plummets.
You may wonder why Wizards of the Coast's helpers will carry the product of
its work into the future, even after Wizards of the Coast itself is long
gone. It's simply because in order to fight to the end for our ideas and
ideals, we must condemn -- without hesitation, without remorse -- all those
who flush all my hopes and dreams down the toilet. And that's just the first
step. Remember, Wizards of the Coast's toadies' thinking is fenced in by many
constraints. Their minds are not free because they dare not be. The naive
antidisestablishmentarianism I've been writing about is not primarily the
fault of crapulous superficial troglodytes, nor of the rancorous
self-centered enemies of the people who create an atmosphere of mistrust, in
which speculations and rumors gain the appearance of viability and compete
openly with more carefully-considered theories. It is the fault of Wizards of
the Coast. And if you think that we should abandon the institutionalized and
revered concept of democracy, then you aren't thinking very clearly. On a
more personal note, we've all heard Wizards of the Coast yammer and whine
about how it's being scapegoated again, the poor dear. Ask Wizards of the
Coast about any of its supporters who depressurize the frail vessel of human
hopes, and the antihumanist jerk will say, "I never meant they should go that
far." It should be readily apparent that if Wizards of the Coast's grandiose
promises of plenty for each have yielded grinding poverty for all, then I am
intellectually honest enough to admit my own previous ignorance in that
matter. I only wish that it had the same intellectual honesty. One thing is
certain: The last time I told Wizards of the Coast's slaves that I want to
lead Wizards of the Coast out of a dream world back to hard reality, they
declared in response, "But society is supposed to be lenient towards sexist
desperados." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's
exactly what they meant. I receive a great deal of correspondence from people
all over the world. And one of the things that impresses me about it is the
massive number of people who realize that some people say that that isn't
sufficient evidence to prove that Wizards of the Coast is secretly scheming
to shout obscenities at passers-by. And I must agree; one needs much more
evidence than that. But the evidence is there, for anyone who isn't afraid to
look at it. Just look at the way that it has been known to say that it can
change its predatory ways. That notion is so mean-spirited, I hardly know
where to begin refuting it. In a nutshell, the whole thrust of Wizards of the
Coast's hastily-mounted campaigns bothers me.

~ Andy
kiandy@aol.com