(Whether Man, Eaamudo, and
Mewtwo walk into an empty subway station and pick up a ringing payphone. And
suddenly... nothing happens.)
Whether Man:
What happened?
Mewtwo:
Crossed wires.
Whether Man: In the Matrix?! That's it.
Mewtwo, try to contact our ship while I switch to Bell Atlantic. In the
meantime, we may as well burn some time. Hey everybody,
Whether Man here addressing an issue that is currently dormant but will spark
again when Gym Leaders comes out. It's the not-so-famous Oak vs. Sabrina
debate!
Eaamudo:
Wow. (Rolls his eyes)
Whether Man: In my opinion, too many
people sided with Sabrina. But then again, we had a lot of people who though
Oak sucked! (Laughter from the audience) Well, we're going to see who's
better, but first let's see what we're dealing with. Since everyone knows what
Oak does, I'll just post up Sabrina's Eyes to save space.
Sabrina's Eyes
Both players shuffle their hands into their decks, the draw cards from their
decks equal to the amount of cards they had in their hand.
Whether Man:
Okay, first off, if you think Oak is a terrible card, than leave. Go to
another article. Oak rocks, period. End of discussion. Don't e-mail me saying
how Oak sucks, because I will delete it.
Mewtwo: Alright,
we've isolated some situations where Oak is good. Let's review:
When Oak is Most Effective
1.
When you have only 1-3 cards in your hand.
2.
When you have a hand full of worthless cards.
3.
When you need energy fast.
4.
When you're about to lose because you have only one basic.
Four situations. True, Oak is not the most
versitile card, but when you need him and use him to his full potential, he's
practically broken.
Eaamudo: Okay, I never get to talk, so
I'm going to make the best of this. Sabrina's Eyes has only three uses that
we've isolated. They are:
1. When you have a
huge hand full of worthless cards.
2. When you're about
to lose because you only have one basic.
3. When you need
energy fast.
Whether Man:
Personally, I have to side with Oak. Sabrina's Eyes has some flaws. For one
thing, what happens when you only have a few cards in your hand? The no
guarantee of how many cards you get when playing this card hurts it.
Eaamudo: The shuffling aspect is
overrated. Sure it may be superior to Oak, since otherwise you'd have to
forfeit any good cards in your hand, but wasn't it the idea not to play Oak
when you have good cards in your hand?
Whether Man: Let's get one thing
strait: nothing matches the ability to play one card and immediately get seven
more. Unless you play a stall deck, the Professor is better flat out.
Eaamudo: The
making your opponent shuffle their deck is interesting, but you have no
assurance that it will help you. It gets them no closer to decking, and it's
not much of an advantage since your opponent gets the same amount of cards.
Plus, you may even have helped them by giving them a better hand than they
had.
Whether Man: I see Sabrina's Eyes only
as a substitute for Gambler. I know people are going to say, "All you
have to do is play the card when you have a lot of crud in your hand,"
but it doesn't work that way. No matter how well a deck is constructed, there
are situations when you have only 1-2 cards in your hand and can't do very
much. In those situations, Oak is essential.
Mewtwo:
Okay I contacted the ship! We're ready to go...
(The telephone suddenly explodes)
Whether Man:
Mewtwo?
Mewtwo:
Yes?
Whether Man:
Don't ever dial zero again! (Crowd bursts
into laughter.) Thank you! Thank you! You've been a great audience!
-The Whether Man