Okay, I know that a LOT of people will be confused with this article. For starters, I’d recommend reading Pokemaster1110’s article called “A Gamer’s Grief”. You can find a link to this “rant” here. No offense to Pokemaster1110 and his “rant” but it was ill conceived. It disgusted many of those in the community I’m sure. As patriarch from our Message Boards said in regard to Pokemaster1110’s article:

“But don't forget: rants aren't organized. Rants are spur-of-the-moment type of things!”

We’ve worked long and hard to build OP (organized play) and continue trying out new cards in our decks for Modified, Unlimited, and Limited (Draft) formats. This is not the time to whine about Professor Oak not being legal in Modified. If your going to complain about something, make sure you have done everything in your power to fix it. If you don’t like the game: leave. If you want to have tournaments: organize/judge. If you don’t like Modified: play Unlimited. Nobody is forcing you to play.

The article shook me up and threw me for a loop... so much that I spent three hours rewriting Pokemaster1110’s article. I’m so very tired of repeating what has been repeated over and over by Wizards of the Coast and Pokemon Supporters who want the game to survive. I decided to have some fun. So I present to everyone a translated version of Pokemaster1110’s article. Call it a satirical rebuttal if you must, I call it what really was happening inside the mind of Pokemaster1110. So let me make this clear to those of you not bothering to read this and skimming. Yes, I know you are just scrolling up and down this page to look for shiny/colorful things, like images. Really, if everyone was just skimming over my article, I might as well make it look like I went into great detail. Shrimp on the stadium flies mainly northeast in the winter waters down in space. There. Don’t I look more intelligent?

What is said below is NOT the opinion of GymLeaderPhil, Pojo.com, it’s advertisers, or the government. This is a satirical version of Pokemaster1110’s rant. Laugh You Crazy Poke-People!

 

  It’s disturbing. Really, I mean it! It is so disturbing that Wizards of the Coast is a company. I mean what is the big deal about making money anyways? So maybe we won’t be able to have Premiere Pokemon Events anymore… you know what those are right? All those nice Super Trainer Showdowns, Gym Challenges, STS Qualifiers, Stadium Challenges, Origins, GenCon, Worlds, and Super BattleZones. Nobody goes to those anymore. Well… I don’t go to those anymore. I sit in my room and continue to worship good cards, cards like Professor Oak, Computer Search, Sneasel, and Rocket’s Zapdos that I spent thousands of dollars on eBay bidding for each one. Since I don’t want to have any more Premiere Events I don’t purchase any new boosters or theme decks. The best way to get cards is to purchase old sets that do not generate Wizards of the Coast any profit, since they’ve already been purchased. None of the newer cards have anything that I want to play. I don’t like a challenge playing the Pokemon Trading Card Game. Besides, its more fun to take a deck I copied off of one of the Pokemon Message Boards and use it to beat people who create their deck using their own abilities and experience. Losing just cramps my style.

Being number one in the Pokemon Trading Card Game is my top priority. Modified is a problem to my winning streak. Currently the official DCI Modified Format allows Neo Genesis, Neo Discovery, Neo Revelation, Neo Destiny, Legendary Collection, Expedition, Aquapolis, Southern Islands, Black Star Promo Cards 21-53, and all ‘Best Of’ Promotional Cards. This September, the DCI will most likely rotate all the Neo Sets out of Modified because they are trying to make money with Skyridge and another set release. Those scumbags! $300! Three Hundred Dollars!!! (Notice how I used three exclamation points) Spending all that money on Neo Genesis, Discovery, Revelation, and Discovery to make sure my deck was top notch so I could win more to keep my 2000+ DCI Rating. So now, with those sets gone, there wont be anything to play. Sure I guess that maybe some people might play some cards from Legendary Collection, Expedition, Aquapolis, Skyridge, and other future cards. But I wont! I need those cards to play competitively! Before those cards were even released in English I had to have them to play competitively. So maybe I did cheat the DCI Rules by playing cards that had not been printed by Wizards of the Coast yet. Just remember that I don’t want to give them any funds to support organized play so I can go on to play for free at local DCI Sanctioned Tournaments.

I know that you agree with me on this. Even the stupid newbies I beat at every tournament agree with me on this article too. All those sucky cards that I traded off to younger kids that were legal in the current Modified. Come September all those kids will have to trade away more cards to me to get sucky legal Modified cards. It is not an issue of having legal cards per se, it’s about the newbies having the best cards of the Modified format. Playing a game without any competition is easy, but it doesn’t look good on my playing ability. They could play something like Dark Raichu from Legendary Collection. That would be original. No! No! No! Everyone must use a deck that has been used by and recommended by experts in the game. A Donphan deck won the Worlds Championship. Everyone, go, play Donphan! NOW!

So the world is now going to end for all of us who cannot play Donphan. We do have hope…

Wizards of the Coast, you know that money making sister company to Hasbro, they don’t do everything wrong except charge money for their products. Right now they are releasing ‘Best Of’ Promotional Cards. Two of them are reprints of Base Set Hitmonchan and Electabuzz. However, that does not change my attitude on Modified. Wizards of the Coast should really reprint everything… and and… free of charge! Yes, no wait, they need to reprint all the good cards. That way I don’t have to purchase any new cards. Then Wizards of the Coast will go out of business and Nintendo will pick up the license! Sieg Nintendo! (Hail Nintendo!)

Even if Nintendo picks up the license, it seems that there is something else, an ulterior motive for these companies like Nintendo and Wizards of the Coast. I cant put my foot on what they are trying to do. Very confusing, but I think they might actually be making new sets to… I cannot believe this… make earnings!? Those are only needed if you have money you need to pay off something. Now I’m really confused. What would a giant corporate card game company need with money? Money is not needed to have Pokemon cards translated, edited, scanned and color corrected, have art in the card borders, place the expansion symbol, produce the grids, generate the films, get the cards ready for press, typeset the cards, reword the cards because they do not fit, check with R&D to get a correct rewordal for the cards, print the cards, build theme decks, design the packaging, distribute the cards, and send the cards to retailers.

I’ll close with this. Pokemon fans: Voice your opinion. And Wizards? This is a dangerous game you’re playing here. Charging money? You are crazy. I’ve seen more than a few players quit the game based on your decisions. And now that another card game is sucking people’s brains out. Wait. What was I going to say? My head hurts. Oh… WotC, you guys need to be extra careful what you do! Even though Pokemon is Wizards of the Coast’s second biggest moneymaker and has a better organized play system than ANY other non-WotC card game. What? They make money?

 

My head hurts!
GymLeaderPhil
blingbling@pojo.com