Official Pokemon League Police Report:
Team Rocket SuperSquad Appears at the Long Beach
Super Trainer Showdown!
by Steve Diamond
While you may know me simply as Steve Diamond, mild-mannered reporter
for a great metropolitan Pokemon magazine, in reality I have a secret
identity I am finally at liberty to reveal. Within the elite circle of
Pokemon researchers and the Pokemon League itself, I am known as Professor
Diamond, long-time co-researcher of Professors Oak and Ivy, and undercover
operative of the Pokemon League Official Police (PLOP). My mission: to
keep all known and suspected members of Team Rocket under observation at
all times.
"But I thought Team Rocket was just a bunch of cartoon
characters!" I hear you saying. Aha! That's what THEY want you to
believe. As part of Don Giovanni's (a.k.a. "The Boss")
systematic campaign of misinformation and obfuscation, Team Rocket has
been portrayed on TV and the silver screen as hapless, bumbling failures.
In truth, Team Rocket does exist, in real life and in the flesh — a fact
I verified at the recent Pokemon Super Trainer Showdown held on July 23
aboard the historic cruise ship, Queen Mary. Want further proof? Then read
on, my dear young Pokemon trainers…
As part of their devious agenda to keep the general public unaware of
the true threat posed by the ultra-secret band of international criminals,
Team Rocket recently began making public appearances at officially
sanctioned Pokemon events. It was there at the Super Trainer Showdown in
Long Beach, California that I was able to observe several Team Rocket
members closely.
Posing as a reporter, I was able to get close to the leader of the
"Team Rocket SuperSquad," a mysterious woman known only as
"Calamity Jane." Surrounded by her minions, she agreed to my
interview request when I told her it was for Pojo.com (in the service of
Truth, Justice and the Pokemon Way, I am authorized to tell little fibs
now and then!). What follows is the first and only interview with
representatives of the criminal mastermind known as "The Boss."
I publish this at the risk of life and limb, but the cause of justice must
be served. By hacking through a series of computer firewalls I was able to
penetrate their ultra-secret secure Web site located @ http://rocketheadquarters.bizland.com/. Go there at your own risk...
Prof. Diamond: Who founded "RocketBase: Omega" and
when did your current gang come together?
Calamity Jane: Construction on RocketBase: Omega began
approximately three years ago. In the infinite wisdom of the Boss,
operating on the advice of Doctor Richard Rocket, it was decided that an
advanced, state-of-the-art Rocket fortress should be designed, not only as
the ultimate criminal stronghold and symbol of the might of Team Rocket,
but also as a possible emergency replacement for one of the four existing
Headquarters installations. This foresight on the part of our Boss was
soon to be recognized; shortly after construction was complete, the entire
nasty "New Island" Project blew up in our faces, resulting in a
very destructive Super Pokémon, Mewtwo, and ultimately the loss of
headquarters: Gamma outside of Viridian City. Although the Omega Base does
have the complete potential to take over for the lost Headquarters, we are
currently running at half our necessary personnel compliment, and because
of this discrepancy, the Boss is hesitant to grant us full Headquarters
status as of yet. Of all the twenty-two RocketBases, however, we are by
far the strongest, and of all the Rocket installations, we are the only
one among them to yet remain a Classified Location.
The Command Staff for RocketBase: Omega is the Team Rocket SuperSquad,
of which I am the Leader. Of these SuperSquad Rockets, you have met Mandy
and my brother Billy. In addition to the SuperSquad, the Command Staff of
RocketBase: Omega also includes Doctor Richard Rocket, who is responsible
for the high-speed Omega systems and databases, and Division Six Operative
Cray.
[Note: Through my excellent disguise as a reporter I was able to snap a
few photos of Team Rocket SuperSquad — in the picture below, Prof.
Diamond's daughter Shayna briefly joins the bad guys for a photo opp!
Members of the SuperSquad are as follows. Standing, left to right: Cray,
Billy, Dr. Rocket, and Mandy. Kneeling: Calamity Jane, who is trying to
steal Shayna's Pokemon League booklet!]
Prof. Diamond: How many members currently belong to Team Rocket:
Omega?
Calamity Jane: Hmm. That is a very good question; let me check
in order to give you an updated number. I assume by "members"
you mean registered Rocket members through our ultra-secret secure
website, correct? The full staff and personnel complement of RocketBase:
Omega is classified; we can't have word leaking out to our enemies on how
weak or strong we are! Let's see ... We're running at about 165 Rockets in
either the RocketBase: Omega site itself, or through the ICQ [on-line
messaging system] SuperSquad and Team Rocket groups, both of which are run
through the site. Plus a handful of fresh recruits coming in every day,
ever since we got that "Join Team Rocket" application up and
running. . .
Prof. Diamond: Why was the Team Rocket SuperSquad formed?
Calamity Jane: The Team Rocket SuperSquad, also known as
"The Boss' Favorites," was formed in order to be the public
symbol of the might and skill of Team Rocket. There are only ten members,
and each one is trained in a separate field of expertise within Team
Rocket, resulting in a fully active Field Team with incredible
capabilities. Shortly after I was promoted to Field Operative Status, the
Boss gave me command of RocketBase: Omega and an order to construct the
first-ever Team of Rocket elite Operatives, the Team Rocket SuperSquad. I
chose my good friend Amanda "Mandy" Mitchell and her partner
Mondo first and foremost, and then asked the proficient Cassidy and her
partner Butch to join. My littlest brother, Billy "the Kid," as
we fondly call him, a legendary Engineer at Rocket Labs, was brought
aboard, along with Emiri, Mondo's twin sister. And in one of my weaker
moments, I added the most notorious trio of Rocket bunglers in existence:
Jessie, James, and Meowth. This did not please the Boss, but I explained
it by pointing out that, surrounded by Rockets of such high caliber, we
couldn't help but rub off on them, and they were bound to improve someday!
Currently, our Omega Base is being groomed to replace Headquarters: Gamma,
though I'm quite comfortable with remaining a humble RocketBase. While I
do appreciate the honor and authority the Boss is showing towards me and
my Base, the simple truth is that I'm not quite sure if I can handle being
Director of Headquarters yet!
Prof. Diamond: Was the long Beach STS your first full-scale
assault as a complete Team?
Calamity Jane: Actually, yes, it was! But it was tied for
numbers with the appearance we made at the opening of "Pokémon the
Movie 2000" at local theaters the night before. While it is true that
the Super Trainer Showdown did see our largest invasion force yet, we're
always out and about to be seen. The Boss prefers that Team Rocket show a
public side, and what better Team to represent the Organization than the
infamous SuperSquad?
Having reached the limit of my credibility as a "reporter," I
quickly bowed out of the interview with my notes (and my scalp!) intact.
My final words of advice: Pokemon Trainers
everywhere beware! Guard your Pokemon well and be ever watchful
for the appearance of Team Rocket in your neighborhood. The East Coast
Super Trainer Showdown would be well-advised to hire additional security
in anticipation of another invasion by the Team Rocket SuperSquad!
