You're just in time. Have a seat. I've brought in a TV and VCR
this afternoon so I can watch last night's episode of Survivor:
Beverly Hills.
As you may or may not be aware, my secretary comes from an
 elite rich family which qualified  her as an entrant for the new
Survivor series on CBS. Sixteen snobbish, spoiled, white collar
elite, former mallrats are being holed up in a mansion in Beverly
Hills with only the minimum of luxury equipment and waitstaff. They
must fend for themselves, which means answering the telephone
themselves, divvying up responisiblities like bringing in the mail and
putting away the groceries themselves. It's been torture for them so
I just got done viewing the episode. It's week 2. I'll recap the
important stuff for you.

It's been a hellish couple of weeks so far and a few are still
trying to recover from the cereal challenge last week, which ended
in near disaster, but gave my Secretary the Superiority Scepter,
which is kind of like the Immunity Totem.
Morris's beeper went off on Monday, but the only telephone
in the mansion was being used by Minerva to call her psychic
advisor. Tempers flared and Minerva stormed off in a huff and
cursed Morris's karma or some nonsense like that.
Siobhan was nearly reduced to tears when she discovered
that the electrical outlets were Direct Current and she couldn't plug
in her expensive German hair curler which operates on Alternating
Current. Siobhan was gripped with the fear of having to go around
with the same perm for two consecutive days. But crisis was
averted when Rico sold Siobhan his adaptor for her bottle of
Cognac and matching Waterford Crystal glasses.
The reward challenge was issued Sunday. The challenge
was simple. The social castaways were given the name of a
program and the time it aired. In the VCR they found a blank
cassette. Whoever was able to successfully program the VCR to
record the show got an extra 2 hours with thir personal trainer the
next day.
Nobody won.
The challenge for the Scepter was a little trickier. Each
contestant had to wash and dry a load of laundry. Whoever got
their pile of clothes the cleanest would win.
Claude couldn't tell the washer from the dryer and wound
up reversing the wash order. The dryer was used first and then the
washer. He went around the rest of the day complaining about how
shoddy Japanese technology couldn't even do the jobs they were
designed for. Imagine! A washer that didn't use water and a dryer
that did.
Kylie had more of a clue, but not much. Her efforts were
severely slowed by making numerous trips to the kitchen faucet
and back to the basement with a measuring cup filled with water to
fill the washer. She never made it to the drying portion.
Gustave couldn't figure out how much detergent to use in
the washer, so he poured the whole bottle in, just to be safe. His
laundry was last seen being carried out the back door on a huge
pile of suds.
Bunny paid Rico to do her laundry for her. He dumped it
into the trash and pocketed the 500 dollars.
My Secretary got as far as the washing part, but wouldn't
take the clothes out of the washing machine since she was afraid
she'd get prune hands.
Dahlia did six seperate loads. One for every combination of
light and dark clothes with each set of temperature
recommendations on the labels. She was there for 7 hours.
Vance figured he could everything really clean if he
bleached it all and what better place to find chlorine than a
swimming pool? He took his poad upstairs and dumped it into the
pool, stirring it with the bug skimmer. He was disqualified.
Rico thought he could shave time off his score by putting
the washer on the shortest cycle and then using the dryer for the
lowest setting. He was dead wrong.
Clayton put the fabric softener sheet into the washer and
the Tide into the dryer. The results were interesting, but good for a
Siobhan left the white clothes untouched since nobody
should wear white after Labor Day and thus, there was no point in
doing them. The producers didn't agree and she was disqualified.
Minerva was under the impression that people still
handwashed their clothes and tried to do so herself. She decided
that the agitator made a lousy washboard and gave up halfway.
Lesley became extremely frustrated when she tried to
figure out how to use the dials on both machines. She couldn't find
the "Clean" setting on the washer and the dryer lacked a "Dry"
button. They both just had a bunch of numbers. She never even got
Bradley was equally confused by the numbers on the dials.
He figured they stood for the weights of the laundry loads and went
to get the bathroom scale. Unfortuantely the scale was destroyed
the day before by Bunny who would drop dead if anyone knew her
weight. Bradley decided immunity wasn't worth this punishment
and went to have a Perrier.
Frederick, who has a short fuse, became impatient at the
amount of time the washer was taking and went for his shotgun
again. He unloaded several rounds into the washer's body, shorting
it out and letting water spout from all sides. He tried to recover, but
was unable to get the gunpowder stains out of the socks.
Morris was sitting on the washer when it went into the spin
cycle, giving him a "Maytag Massage". He lost all bearing on what
he was supposed to do and just kept setting the washer for Spin
Ultimately, the winner was declared to be Gustave,
because once his laundry was found out in the backyard,
surrounded by dried suds, it was in fact the cleanest. Gustave got
the Superiority Scepter.
That night, they held the Shareholder's Meeting to
determne who would get thrown back into reality. The votes were
close again, but in the end, Clayton was sent home. Several
housemates had seem him sneaking a Slim Jim from his bags and
were aghast at his horrible choice of cuisine.

The episode ended there, but the teasers for next week
showed things getting uncomfortable for my Secretary and Minerva.
They were yelling at each other as the screen faded to black, so
next week will hold some surprises I'm assuming.

          Now that that's over and done with, I'll have Trish whell the
TV/VCR back into the back room and we'll step into my office and
fix your deck. Sorry to eat up so much of your time, but lots of
people have been asking about my secretary and her progress on
the show. Let's see your deck now!

Psychadelik Deck
by Mark Keulen

26 Psychic Energy

3 Abra
2 Kadabra
1 Alakazam
3 Gastly (Fossil)
1 Haunter (Base)
1 Haunter (Fossil)
1 Gengar
4 Jynx

2 Dratini
1 Dragonair
3 Jigglypuff
2 Wigglytuff

2 Double Colorless Energy
2 Energy Retrieval
1 Full Heal
2 Potion
2 Pokedex
1 Energy Search

The good thing about this deck is that it is good against all types. Psychic
is the only thing that weakens Psychic which means its even. My Psychic can
weaken any Fighting Pokemon that harm my Colorless Pokemon plus the ghosts
have a resistance to Fighting which makes it even better. I havn't played
this deck much so I havn't really made a strategy for it. I just think it
could improve a little so what do you think?


   Eeek. This deck has WAY too many Pokemon in it and not
nearly enough Trainers. There is also an overabundance of Energy.
These things need to be fixed.

Pokemon: You are relying too heavily upon your Pokemon
to get the job done. By this, you have loaded the deck full of
Evolutions hoping they'll be enough to deal with an enemy.
Unfortuantely, this strategy rarely works. In most decks, one
Evolution is enough to handle. Anymore, and you're really asking to
be slowed down while looking for the proper Evolution. This will give
your opponents too much time to beat you into pulp. Even without
much Weakness, you're a sitting duck to Electabuzzes, Mewtwos
and Magmars.

Gastly/Haunter/Gengar- This family is very good since it
has useful abilities at each Stage of Evolution. I would avoid the
Base set Gastlys and Haunters. Their attacks are too unreliable or
ineffective to be worth using. Stick with the Fossil versions for
those 2. Fossil Gastly can retrieve Energy from your pile and
Paralyze too. Fossil Haunter guarantees Sleep status with its
attack and can avoid 50% of all damage. Gengar is a good bench
buster and can hit fairly hard too.
Abra/Kadabra/Alakazam- This family is good too, but not in
the same deck with the Gastly line. You'd think they'd work well
together, and to some extent they do, but having 2 Stage 2
Evolutions will reduce your deck to a crawl. They're also prone to
Psychic attacks and have heavier Retreat Costs. So I'm going to
have to remove these guys.
Jynx is a good Psychic Basic attacker. Doubleslap is
acceptable in a pinch and Meditate really hurts. Jynx is ok here.
Dratini/Dragonair- I'm not really seeing the purpose of
having them in this deck. Dratini is pretty  weak and Dragonair's
attacks are really expensive, depsite the ability to remove Energy.
They have to go.
Jigglypuff/Wigglytuff- This is the absolute wrong kind of
deck to use Jiggly and Wiggly in. Wigglytuff needs your deck to
really fly by using tons of Basic Pokemon to fill the bench quickly
and add strong support if needed. Wiggly will not work in an
Evolution deck as well. Say goodbye to these two.
I would consider having a strong colorless presence in this
deck. Chansey would be a good idea. It's high HP and ability to
shrug off damage would mix nicely with the other Pokemon so far.
It can also deal a hefty 80 point KO punch  as a going away
present. Low retreat is also something to consider with Chansey.

Trainers: Well, your selection is pretty paltry.In fact, there's
not a single Trainer in that mix that I'd keep. So let's just ditch the
Trainers you have and start from scratch. I'll begin with the old

Bill/Professor Oak - You need a way to refill your hand
when it's low. Bill is good fora quick burst of cards. Professor Oak
is even better, especially when your hand is full of junk. Don't worry
about that discard requirement. If there isn't anything in your hand
helping you, why keep it?
Computer Search - It's a pretty common rare, so finding
several will be no trouble. What you get is a way to turn two
unneeded cards into one that will really help you out. That's an
excellent value. Several in a deck can really make a game for you.
Gust of Wind- It's offensive, it's defensive, it's both! It's one
of the best cards ever printed and it's common! Get your hands on
4 of these babies.
Nightly Garbage Run- What's better than extending your
deck's play time by shuffling 3 cards back into your draw pile? Not
much. Multiply this by 3 or 4 and you're putting about 1/6 your
deck back into play. Plus NGR can get both Energy and Pokemon
back for you.
Energy Removal can be a big pain in the butt for your
opponent. I'd say to use the regular common version with this
deck. A few Pokemon really need their Energy, like Chansey and
Gengar. But a few regular Energy Removals won't hurt your deck
Since you don't have a lot of Retreat costs to deal with in
this deck, I'd actually recommend you put a couple Mr. Fuji's into
the deck in addition to a couple Scoop Ups for Jynx and Chansey.
Mr. Fuji will let you shuffle your Gengars back into your deck along
with the Stage 1 and Basics and all the attached Energy. No need
to be Wasteful. Scoop Up was made for Chanseys and works just
as well on Jynx. Just remember Scoop Up only works on Active
Pokemon and Fuji is for benched Pokemon. Some players forget
this important factor.
Lastly, a couple Item Finders will be a good idea for you
too. This deck may take a bit of time to get up to speed with
evolving, so your games may run long. in those cases, Item Finder
becomes a very useful card.

Energywise, you were kind of off mark too. 26 is a lot.
That's coming close to being half your deck. When deciding
Energy amounts, think of it this way. For every three cards you
draw, two should be a Pokemon or a Trainer and the thirdshould be
an Energy. One Energy for every three cards is a solid average to
work with. This means that one third of your deck should be
Energy, 20 cards. I think that amount is perfect for this deck. You'll
be needing a set of Double Colorless Energies to help Chansey
become an early blocker. A couple Full Heal Energies would really
pay off in many games too.

So let's see how I'd build this deck to be much better
suited to a smooth, and speedier game.

4 Fossil Gastlys
3 Fossil Haunters
2 Gengars
3 Jynxes
3 Chanseys

4 Bills
3 Professor Oaks
2 Computer Searches
4 Gusts of Wind
4 Energy Removals
2 Mr. Fujis
2 Scoop Ups
2 Nightly Garbage Runs
2 Item Finders

13 Psychic Energies
3 Full Heal Energies
4 Double Colorless Energies

And Voila!! (That's French for "There's always room for
Jello." This deck has been fixed into something much more
playable than the Evolutionfest it once was. The Ghost family is a
very capable line with no Weaknesses, Resistance to Fighting, low
Retreat and useful skills. They'll serve you nicely. Jynx can really
lay out some pain to an already damaged Pokemon and Chansey
is a veritable Wall.
Try this deck out. I'm sure you'll find it plays much nicer
that your older deck. I also hope I've taught you a few deckbuilding
tips. You seemed to need them.

            I shall return next week with more to report on my
Secretary's progress in the Survivor:Beverly Hills house. I have to
go stop Trish from spraying CKOne on my Secretary's Vileplume

Good Luck!!
      Dr. Crash Landon