Okay, first of all--there ain't gonna be no bashing this week. I know all of you are very disappointed, but that's life. Despite the fact that Spring Break has started, Spike has just come down off of what has to have been the busiest week of his high school career. The expletives he was hurling at this very computer a week ago bore ample testimony to that fact. And then, he had to go and play in the Kansas scholastic chess championships on Saturday, which basically gave us Sunday to throw this together. Don't worry, though. We'll make it up to you with a double dose next update. In fact, look for that one to be the biggest update in a long time, since we'll have all week to put it together.

Now then... some letters to brighten your day...

***

>Subject: Error in Deck Fix
>
>Hi Vulpix:
>    On your Feb.21's fix on Ghostly Lightning there is
>an error. At the end, when you list out the deck >there
>is actually 19 Pokemon while you wrote 20. Is it
>because the original author wrote it dwon wrong or >was
>it you, Vulpix? Anyway, I'm working on a Ninetails
>deck. May be you can fix it when I'm done?
>Wein_C

***

Thanks for writing. Yes, that was an error. I made a mistake. So sue me. It was my first time doing the job, all right? And while I don't normally "fix" decks, I would be interested in seeing this Ninetales deck of yours...

***

>Subject: (no subject)
>
>VULPIX, what is wrong with you and spike? I sent in >my deck two times
>and it
>hasn't been posted. By the way,my name is jeff and i >sent in the
>fighting deck

***

We're pretty far behind. There's something like 150 decks piled up in Spike's mailbox. And don't forget that we're only just getting the free time to work on the garage again. Be patient. If your deck wasn't pathetic enough to recieve the axe on sight, it'll get to you. Which is another subject, by the way, that Spike addresses in his own column this week...

***

>Subject: To Vulpix, from Dr. Crash
>
>Heya Vulpix,
>
>      I got a problem. My secretary is absolutely dying >for your
>autograph,
>but I keep telling her that the paper in her autograph >book is
>flammable.
>      However, she is so dead set upon getting your >John Hancock that
>she's
>refusing to use the letter "C" on the typewriter. You >have no idea how
>frustrating it is to be referred to as "Dr. Rash >Landon" on all your
>letterheads.
>
>      Is there something we could work out here? I >don't know what
>fiery
>foxes such as yourself do in this situation, but I can't >even scratch
>my
>head without becoming paranoid lately.
>      She may be willing to give you her autograph, >although I can't
>figure
>for the life of me WHY you'd want THAT. Most >likely, you'd just inherit
>all
>the evil demons that seem to plague anything she's >involved with.
>
>      Thanks for your consideration upon this matter. I >must go to the
>dermatologist now about this odd red patch below >my elbow.
>
>
>                   Dr. Rash, I mean Crash

***

Crash? You're one of the deck mechanics, right? The one with the really lame Kor deck?

In answer to your and your secretary's question, the way I normally give autographs (when I do, which isn't often) is to simply sear my pawprint into the surface of whatever it is I am autographing. In the case of paper, this usually makes the opposite side of the paper pretty much unreadable. It's a trade-off I have to make due to my inability to hold a pen.

Tell your secretary I'll acquiesce to her autograph demand. I'll autograph a piece of paper and send it to her wherever she wants. On one condition: that she stay as far away from our office as possible. Spike has put down his foot on this matter. And I just saw him headed outside with a shovel and a large sack of land mines, so you know he's serious this time.

On to the next letter:

***

>Subject: (no subject)
>
>Vulpix is the worst pokemon to ever walk on this >earth! Magikarp is
>better
>than vulpix!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***

Okay--you're toast, buddy.

There was also another letter from somebody claiming to represent Jeff K. It was actually pretty thoughtful, but I was forced to delete it as it contained a word that neither I nor Spike want to be seen as endorsing the usage of.

And that's about all for now. More deck-bashing goodness next week. I promise.

-Vulpix
s_vulpix@yahoo.com


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