Hey all you Pokemaniac types! Fat Tuesday is almost upon us, and I've
been left in a bind. My New-Age nimrod secretary has flown off to New
Orleans, or N'Awlin's as they say down there, for the Mardi Gras
celebration. She's got this weakness for beaded necklaces she says and
there's no better place to get them.
   That's all fine for her, but in the meanwhile, I'm left with nobody to
remind people of their appointments, tell off salesmen and shred vital
documents out of spite. So I placed a call to the Quicksand Temp Agency to
find an interim secretary. They sent her over this morning and frankly I'm
worried, as usual.
   Her name is Trina and from what I've been able to figure out, she made it
all the way to the fourth grade with no trouble, counts Britney Spears among
the world's most influential people and correctly identified the letter Q as
"Possibly a consonant, or maybe not".
   She's busy soaking up the large spill on the rug that she made while
holding a full coffee pot and then checking her wristwatch for the time.
This is an ideal opprtunity to escape into my inner office and pray that
today ends early.
    Now that you've seen what I'm up against, what's your problem?

>Hey Crash,
>here is my deck :
>Hitmonchan x4
>Jynx x3
>Mr.Mime x2
>Jigglypuff x4 [all the others have a weakness to psychics]
>Energy removal x3
>Super Energy Removal x2
>Switch x2
>Plus Power x4
>Bill x4
>Professor Oak x3
>Scoop Up x2 [ all I have]
>Gust of Wind x3
>Double Colorless x4
>Fighting x10
>Psychic x11
>   The strategy of this deck is to do quick damage with Hitmonchan and
>Jigglypuff [ with double colorless].
>Then, send out Jynx or Mr.Mime to finish them off with Meditate. Mr.Mime is
>in there for heavy hitters.  I can probably get whatever you tell me to put
>       The person with a normal life [ unlike you],
>                                                       Will

   Ok, it's refreshing to see that SOME people have their heads screwed on
straight, for once. This is a fairly decent deck. Trust me when I say I've
seen worse. One deck actually had cards that this kid made up himself. (I
put my Slooch out against your Ninetales-???)
   Still, there are some areas where this deck could use some fixing. Where
shall we start? I hear the top is usually a good place...

    Pokemon- You don't have a lot of competitors. This isn't always bad. It
sure beats having way too many. I'd like to fleck this deck out a bit more
with maybe 2 or 3 additional players. The obvious choice is Scyther. There
is no drawback to this guy, especially in this type of deck. If you wish to
slide back and forth between heavy hits and Meditate, then the non-existent
retreat cost of Scyther is for you. Plus he conquers that pesky Psychic
weakness you mentioned. Just stick with his colorless attack and you're good
to go.
    In a deck of solid Basic evolutions, Jigglypuff looks like an odd
Psyduck. I'd suggest removing this guy for something better: Ditto.
    Ditto is an extremely versatile dude, and can be your opponent's worst
nightmare. He's an Electabuzz, he's a Chansey, he's neither! You can really
dupe your opponent by Gusting out his Alakazam, Dittoing it, cleaning up
your house a bit and then slamming his Alakazam with a solid 60 points of
Confuse Ray damage. See how the fun never ends with this guy?

    Hold up, I think Trina is knocking at my door.

    What's going on Trina? The computer monitor is broken? Impossible!!
That's a brand new monitor. My secretary broke the old one in a nervous fit
last week. It couldn't have busted already. Let me see this.
    (Mumbling and rustling.....)

   OK Trina, next time check and see if the computer is turned on first, got
it? Huh? You thought it was the information highway and you got stuck in a
tunnel?? Go back to your desk Trina, and just sit there. Don't touch
anything. Don't use anything. Don't read anything. Just sit there and think
about unicorns. I'm quite sure you can do that.

    My gawd, even bad help is hard to find now. All right, let's look at
those Trainers, shall we?

    Since you're playing the boomerang game with hitters and finishers, I'm
going to tell you right now to bump up the number of Switches. No need to
waste precious Energy on retreat, is there?
   Scoop Up is a great choice in this deck. If you find yourself needing
more, look to Mr. Fuji for guidance. That card works nearly the same, but
allows Energy to be reused. The only drawback is that you can't use Fuji on
your Active Pokemon.
    Bill, Professor Oak, Gust of Wind- good, good. People are learning.
Let's move on.
    Can the 3 Energy Removals, and put in 2 more Supers instead. This
strategy will act as backup in this deck, not the main way of winning.
    Give yourself an Item Finder for insurance. It's a really good card.
    Sometimes, to make way for the best, the good has to go. I know
PlusPowers are really good, but there isn't room here if you want your
strategy to work soundly. Sadly, they must go. At 60 cards, it's all a
numbers crunch game, and PlusPower loses this time around. No other reason
than that however.

     Huh? Trina's knocking again. This ought to be amusing...

  Whoa!! Slow down there! Run that by me again at 45 rpm this time.

  You need to use the ladies room, but don't know how to get out of the
office? Did you try that big brown thing in the wall?
  Ok, you know it's a door. So what's the problem? You're not sure whether
to push or pull? You're kidding? What?
  (Sound of uproarious laughter) You mean to say that you remember there
being a sign on the other side of the door telling you to push or pull, but
you can't remember which and now you're stuck on the blank side and can't
tell what it said so you can go check what the door says in order to know
which way to open the door?

   OK, I'll bail you out here. On the opposite side of the door it says
"PUSH". Does that help? OK, go scamper off.

   Wow, how dumb can one person get?? But wait. This'll get
better...3...2...1..Right on time!!

   It didn't work, did it? You pushed real hard and it just wouldn't open
huh? Umm...there was a typo. Yeah that's it. A typo. You need to pull to
open the door. Is that better? A typo, yup. (Heh heh)

      Some days are downright bizarre. OK, let's examine your fixed deck.

      4 Hitmonchans
      3 Mr. Mimes
      3 Jynx's
      3 Scythers
      2 Dittos

      4 Bills
      2 Professor Oaks
      4 Switches
      3 Gusts of Wind
      4 Super Energy Removals
      2 Scoop Ups
      2 Item Finders

      4 Double Colorless Energy
      12 Psychic Energy
      8 Fighting Energy

    Eureka!! (That's latin for vaccuum) This deck utilizes the fight 'n'
flight strategy you mentioned above. It can also function just fine by
sticking big hitters out and keeping them there. Scyther and Hitmonchan are
good that way. I don't see it being a huge problem, but if you find yourself
winding up short on Energy a lot, you may wish to place some Energy
Retrievals in there somewhere.
    I pronounce you cured, and against my usual practice, I'll take the
money today. Trina may decide that green and leafy means salad and eat my

    Let me escort you out to the waiting room and...hey where's Trina? She
should have been back from the bathroom by now. Oh well, she'll turn up
eventually. The police always bring the idiots up here for evaluation when
they're found wandering aimlessly on the streets.

    (Knocking sound)

   Huh? Why are you still out here? Oh, you remembered what I said about the
door sign being a typo and you kept pulling, not pushing? You're a trip
   Did you at least make it to the bathroom? Oh I see. Well, yes I suppose
they should label those doors so you can tell whether they open in or out.
No sense leaving it up to chance, huh? Hung around too many malls as a youth
didn't you? So you never made it to the bathroom. Oh well.

      Hey, those aren't the pants you were wearing earlier...

                         Good Luck
                       Dr. Crash Landon

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