Aaaargh!!!  For the last time I can't read minds!!

    Oh you're here now. Hmmm, yeah it's time for your appointment. This guy
here was my last appointment and he's been giving me nothing but grief. Look
at his striped shirt and cheesy silk scarf. I hate mimes.

    We've been, well I've been trying to figure out what his problem is. He
won't say. He just keeps trying to mime it out. Unfortunately, he's no good.
Al Gore has more movement and personality than this aggravating actor. What
a day for my Hypno to be downtown in court for credit card fraud...I sure
could use his help for once here.

    Oh wait, he's trying to mime something else. fish!
No, you're thirsty? You're James Earl Jones in "Coming to America"? Your
underwear is on fire? No. You suck, ya know that, mime?

    I've dealt with this guy long enough. Let's go into my office and he can
pretend to be in a box all afternoon if he wants. Show me your deck, please.

>Hey Dr. Crash, my name is Dominick and here is my deck, Excalibur.
>2 Kangaskhan
>3 Scyther
>4 Electabuzz
>4 Hitmonchan
>2 Professor Oak
>3 Bill
>4 Plus Power
>4 Gust of Wind
>3 Super Energy Removal
>4 Energy Removal
>4 Double Colorless Energy
>11 Electric Energy
>12 Fighting Energy
>I named my deck Excalibur because I have always liked the legends and
>because it is extremely lethal. It uses the basic Haymaker strategy with
>the addition of Kangaskhan. I added Kangaskhan because Psychic is the
>dominant color where I live and he can pack a whallop if you get lucky.
>Everything else is pretty much standard for a Haymaker. Thanks for your
>time. Oh, here's a dollar to help Hypno pay his credit card debts.

    Not bad, not bad. You are definitely on the right track. You have one
large problem in this deck. This problem is your Energy count. Way too high.
But let's begin where I always begin:

     Your Pokemon- Well for once, I can find nothing to complain about.
Electabuzz, Scyther and Hitmonchan are your best Haymaker choices.  Since
you said that Psychic is very dominant in your neighborhood, those
Kangaskhans make very good sense. Fetch is very useful in a Haymaker deck
too as a reliable method of getting one more card a turn when you need to
catch up in your game. Since Psychic is so widespread, why not go ahead and
add a third? You'll probably need it. Nice!

     That said, let's move on to the Trainers. These are okay. I see nothing
horrible. We do have room for more Trainers than this however since I'll be
dropping other cards.
      First we need to get those Bills up to 4. Bill is a very important
card in a Haymaker. Two useful cards in your hand for one in your discard
pile is a great bargain. This keeps your card advantage high.
      At times, a Haymaker will stall for no reason other than bad
seperation in your draw pile. This happens to all decks. Unfortunately, you
usually wind up with Energy or Pokemon you can't play because it has a
weakness your enemy can exploit. This is why Computer Search is so valuable,
especially to Haymakers. You can ditch 2 cards that aren't helping you for
something that will, be it an Oak, a Super Energy Removal or a correct
Energy. It also allows you to view your draw pile's remaining contents to
see what may be in your prizes. Finally, you get to shuffle afterward,
allowing the card collation to better distribute itself. Say goodbye to
Energy clumps! This deck could probably use 3 Computer Searches since it's
such an important card in  Haymaker.

     I'd also like to add a couple Lasses. Since you can continue to layeth
down the smackdown for a few turns without any Trainers to help you, unlike
combo decks, Lass is a perfect fit. You will eventually get your Trainers
back, sooner with Kangaskhan's help. Your opponent may, however, lose an
important card, one like a Pokemon Center, that could have really screwed
you over. Lass is very useful and many people play it now. Odds are good
you'll get Lassed sometime, so just remember paybacks are a - well, we all
know what paybacks are, don't we?

     You've got nothing but BBP's here, (Big Basic Pokemon) so you'll want
to extend their lifespan if you can. Ain't no better way to do that than
Scoop Up. Take 2, put em in your deck and run.

     I'm going to remove the regular Energy Removals and increase the number
of Super Energy Removals to 4. The Super version is much more effective
overall. An opponent can easily recover from the loss of one Energy, but
it's twice as difficult to come back from the loss of two. Yes, you do lose
one, but it's your choice which. The opponent doesn't get to pick. It's one
of the meanest strategies out there.

     Rocket has given us one of the most game saving cards in recent
expansion history, Nightly Garbage Run. It lets you get those precious
Energy cards back into your deck or a Psy-blocking Kangaskhan if you need
it. I'm giving you 3 which should be enough for you if your game goes long.

     That should do it for Trainers, so now we can...huh? Who's at my office
door? Hold on.

      Yes, did you burn the photocopier again or -- you're not my secretary.
You're that mime. Haven't you left yet?? Go home. What do you want?  Of
course you're gonna mime it out and not tell me.

      Tree? Car? Blue? Chicken pot pie? Walter Cronkite? Inflammatory bowel
disease? WHAT? I give up! Go get a pencil for cryin' out loud!


     I just want to know how he managed to make an appointment.

   I was trying to arrive at the topic of your Energy. You have way too
much. 27 Energy is just sick. That's almost half your deck. On average, one
of every three cards you draw should be energy. Since decks are 60 cards,
this means the average amount any deck needs is 20. Some decks which are
very reliant upon having Energy available, like Raindance use more and
others such as Haymaker which need very little to get by, use a bit less.
With this deck, 18 is all you should really have to put in. This means the
obligatory 4 Double Colorless energy, about 6 Electric Energy since
Electabuzz only needs one to do either attack and 8 Fighting, more since
Hitmonchan requires 2 for his second attack.

      Here's your revised decklist. I sure hope that mime is gone by now. I
can't hear him, which means he's probably still there.

     4 Hitmonchan
     4 Electabuzz
     3 Scyther
     3 Kangaskhan

     4 Bills
     2 Professor Oaks
     3 Computer Searches
     4 Super Energy Removals
     4 PlusPowers
     4 Gusts of Wind
     2 Lass
     3 Nightly Garbage Runs
     2 Scoop Ups

     4 Double Colorless Energy
     8 Fighting Energy
     6 Electric Energy

        There you are. It's mostly as it originally was, but with the few
touch-ups it needed to make it faster. There really isn't much in the way of
strategy I can recommend; it's a Haymaker deck. It plays itself almost. Just
beware of how many Hitmonchans you lay out, since those Promo Mewtwos and
Gengars seem to haunt your location. Other than that, just shuffle, deal and
smack em down.

         I pronounce you cured. Thanks for talking, unlike SOME people
around here. You can pay my secretary on the way out. She's most likely
taunting the mime by playing charades or playing the jukebox really loud.
She needs to do some work for a change.

        Well, I see you're still lurking about, mimey-boy. Still trying to
tell me something, huh? Well, I'll take one last crack and then it's a call
to security for you.

        All right, let's see. Long...long
underwear? No, that's just dumb, even for a mime. Hmmm...television,
deodorant, Jesse Helms? Work with me here...I dunno. What are you flailing
about trying to say? Hernias? Levi's? The Leaning Tower of Pisa?

      What? Tower of Pisa? That's close? Ummm...tower, power, flower, Wrong direction. Okay, Pisa, Visa, seeasaw, pizza...

      Huh? Pizza? That's it? Pizza, is that what you're trying to tell me?
Pizza? Oh crap!! You're the delivery guy, aren't you? I called three hours
ago and had just given up by this time. What kind of place hires a mute
delivery boy? Sigh, just give me the pizza, here's your money.

                No, you don't get a tip. That's the hardest I ever had to
work for my lunch. Now go.

               Anchovies??? Ick! Get back here you freak!!!

                         Good Luck!!
                      Dr. Crash Landon

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