EPISODE 1 - "I LOVE THE SMELL OF AIPOM IN THE
MORNING"
Does this hat make my ears look big? I was
shaving in the
RV and maybe it was the light, but my ears looked huge. Nobody's
ever really said anything about them, but my grandfather had
immense ears and it's possible...huh? We're on? Oh shoot!
Hello Pokemaniacs! Welcome to the inaugural episode of
Crash's Landing. I've gone from the stuffy quarters of my old office
to the fresh expanses of the vast open wilderness. Every week we'll
follow the trails of some of the most amazing and interesting
Pokemon known to mankind. And with many more being
discovered all the time, we may run into a surprise or two along the
way.
With me, as always, is my irrepressible secretary. She's
sitting on the rock behind me there giving me hand signals that
we're going to have to edit out later. My secretary will be supplying
vital statistics on Pokemon as we find them and trying not to get
her nail polish messy.
Hypno is here too. Being a Pokemon, he can sometimes
get closer to them than we humans are able. Plus he knows how
to drive a stick shift. Don't ask me how, but he's the best driver
we've got for the RV.
Then there's cameraman Stu. Yeah, that's his big mitt
flashing across the lens right now. Ok, Stu. Back off. Stu will be
following us around filming every action packed moment and trying
not not get slugged in the stomach when he asks my secretary for
a date. Right Stu? Right? Well, you'll learn your lesson eventually I
hope.
If you can't tell by the vast amounts of coniferous trees and
smallish pebbles around us, we're located smack in the middle of
the forests by Lake Rage. This serene landscape is home to one of
the most mischievous Pokemon in known existence, Aipom.
What's the scoop on Aipom?
Secretary: "Ok, like, this monkey is on the smallish side
for a Pokemon, averaging, say, 25 pounds or so in weight and, like,
just over 2 feet in height when full grown. He may look all cute and
junk, but Aipom are anything but cuddlers. Spending all day up in
his tree, the Aipom, like, keeps watch for its prey, which can be a
simple Pidgey or a big mean Gyarados. Once he like, totally spots
a target, Aipom will shoot anything he can to annoy it, pine cones,
rocks, berries, twigs and some junk like that. Aipoms aren't very,
you know, shy, but they run like frightened little Caterpies when
threatened. The only place you'll even find them is hiding up inside
their homes in various trees. Aipom's tail is kinda funny looking
too. Instead of, like, being all smooth and tapered, it has a sort of,
almost hand at the end, like an inflated rubber glove. You know.
Well, scienticians, is that a word? Yeah, um scienticians believe
this so called glovetail helps Aipoms move from tree to tree when
escaping danger or hunting for grubs and berries to eat."
Good job, although I don't think there's such a thing as a
Scientician.
Secretary: "Well, there should be."
Yeah, anyhow...let's go see if we can find an Aipom, shall we?
Now the only way to lure one of the simians out of hiding is to
knock it off its perch, which requires the use of Headbutt.
Thankfully, we've got our own thick-skulled battering ram with us.
Give cameraman Stu back his wallet and get over here.
"Hypno.....hmmmph!"
Ok, Hypno. Ram that tree there good.
BONK!
Nothing...try again Hypno.
"HYPNO!!"
BONK!!
Nada. Give it another go.
"HYP-HYPNO!!!"
BONKBONKBONKBONKBONK!!!!
Dang. We're not getting squat here. The suits at The
Adventure
Channel won't like this. Try one last time Hypno.
"#HYP-***HyP^@hyPNo...HYpno--Whoa...Hyyyyyppp."
*THUD!*
Aw crap. Hypno's passed out from the impact. Screw this. I'll
just kick the tree.
*Thwap!"
AIPOM!!!
There he is and he's a beaut! Look at that devilishgrin
and those
well polished teeth. He keeps those teeth white and clean by
scraping bark with his incisors when he's bored. Aipom's don't like
the taste of bark much, but they - OW!
That little bugger threw a rock at me! Well, yes
viewers, that's
what Aipoms do to taunt its victims. I probably should have
expected this. Well, a simple rock or pine cone won't stop me.
Let's see if we can get closer to him and look at that funky tail.
Come on Stu, follow close!
"Whap-Sbap!" Ouch!! "Smack-Clunk" Wow, he's got an
arsenal built up there. He's tossing rocks like a barbarian warrior.
Let's move in, he's getting low on supply.
Smack! Thwunk!......BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Oh crap. Where did
he get a Beedrill's nest? Did you see
that before? Run! Run!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
SPLASH!!
Huff-Puff....well, as long as we're up to our shoulders in the
crystalline waters of Lake Rage, those Beedrills shouldn't pose too
much of a threat. I suppose this is an excellent time to read a little
viewer mail and help a lucky fan out with his deck. As long as a
Golden Gyarados doesn't come and swallow us whole, we should
be ok. And Stu, quit playing splashy with Hypno. You'll short out
the camera.
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Dude , I really need your help! I've won some battles ,but the people
that I lose to are hard ,and Iwant to show them that I can beat
them.So will you please help me !!!! Oh , I wanted to tell you that I
want my deck to have a stronger defense and make my opponents
unable
to attack. Before I forget my deck is called Rocket's Aquatic
Punch. I
guess I'll show you my cards.
ENERGY:
x14 water energy
x13 fighting energy
POK'EMON:
x1 Blastoise
x2 Squirtle
x1 Wartortle
x1 Dark Wartortle
x2 Seel
x1 Dewgong
x1 Poliwag
x1 Poliwhirl
x1 Oinix
x2 Geodude
x1 Graveler
x1 Golem
x1 Rocket's Hitmonchan
TRAINER:
x3 Super Potion
x2 Bill
x2 Prof. Oak
x1 Pok'e. Breeder
x1 Pok'e. Trader
x2 Energy Search
x1 Revive
x1 PlusPower
x1 Defender
x1 Brock
x2 Energy Removal
There's my deck ,Rocket's Aquatic Punch , please fix my deck if
theres
any prooblems with it.
Sincerely,
I really need your help boy
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I really need your help boy? What is
this? Failed Justice
League tryouts? Anyhow, this deck needs a lot of work. And
judging by those angry Beedrills hovering by the shore, we'll have
plenty of time to fix it.
The biggest trouble I see with decks
like this is that there are
no multiples. Having one copy of a card isn't going to help you out
when you really need that one card that will make or break the
game. Have you noticed how lots of people you play have 4
Electabuzz or Blastoise in their decks? There's a reason. The more
copies of a card you place in your deck, the better the chance of
drawing it.
The cards you've got listed are for some of
the earlier sets, but
we now have the wonderful Neo Genesis set available to us as well
as the Gym sets. You should be using more of the good cards
included in these later sets to help out your speed and deck's
performance.
Water and Fighting are two difficult types to mix. Most Water
Pokemon have strong, but expensive attacks. Many Fighting
Pokemon have some good low cost attacks, but are skimpy on the
HP side. There is enough variety out there now, however that you
should be able to combine them without too much detriment.
In Water, there are precious few Pokemon worth including.
Blastoise is the foundation of most good Water decks and you
should run at LEAST 3 if not a full compliment of 4 Blastoise. The
Raindance Power is so abusable in a high speed deck, it can
easily make an unwary player's neck spin. Some people say
Raindance is a dying approach to decks, but I think it still has
some life, especially with the Neo cards.
You'll also want to include some Woopers. They make a great
defensive tactic with their Resistance to Electric attacks, an
acceptable attack that needs only Colorless Energy and the
wonderful Amnesia which can shut down an opponent's strongest
attack. At 50 HP, it's a good Basic, but unfortunately, I don't think
much of Quagsire, so keep Wooper around as an early
attacker/staller while you power up Blastoise.
Dark Blastoise makes a very solid finisher in the Water
category. It can evolve from the same line as Blastoise with the
help of a Pokemon Breeder card. Give yourself some cushioning
against hand disruption though by including a pair of Dark
Wartortles. They are actually a nice card in themselves since they
can reflect damage. Few people enjoy beating mercilessly on a
Dark Wartortle since they know they'll pay for it.
As far as Fighting goes, I think you'd do very good to include
some Team Rocket's Hitmonchans if you can find them.Cross
Counter is such a nice move and will lengthen your game some.
Gligar from Neo Genesis is fast becoming a favorite card of many
players. It has ok HP, free retreat cost and 2 very good attacks.
The standard Resistance to Fighting attacks makes it even better.
This card is also a nice splashable color into a Water intense deck
like yours.
Finally, no deck nowadays is complete without a bunch of
Cleffas. The Baby Clefairy is just what every deck needs to
replenish your hand. Ignore the 30 HP. The Baby Rule will keep it
alive half the time anyhow. Eeeeeeek will get you a new hand
without wasting any Trainers and the stuff you don't need goes
back into your deck. Boo-yah!
Most of the Pokemon you included were very average,
ineffective
Pokemon. Golem is almost impossible to play effectively and
Poliwhirl is too slow without a lot of Blastoise to back it up.
Everything else was just filler cards. You needed to drop most of
them in favor of the ones I just mentioned above.
Oooh, those Beedrills are still buzzing. I think I'll unwrap
this
sandwich I packed earlier and carry on with the deck fix.
Mmmmf...mmm.
Trainers, Trainers, Trainers....You need help here for sure.
You've got the right idea with the Professor Oaks and the Bills. But
you need more of them. Especially Oaks. Bills are adequate, but
Cleffa picks up that slack nicely now that we have it available. Oak
will get you Evolutions, Trainers and more precious Water Energy
and fast.
Since you're grabbing a lot of cards with Oaks and Cleffas,
you'll
definitely want to add 4 Pokemon Breeders into the deck. They are
crucial for upgrading into a Blastoise fast.
Also important is Computer Searches and Item Finders. They
are versatile and important in keeping up with some of the new
twists and strategies.
Energy Flow is now a staple in any Raindance deck. You can
call up a handful of Water Energies and then drop them where you
like in any configuration you please. A lot of people may see this
coming, since it's an obvious combo, but it doesn't make it any
less effective.
You have a choice between EcoGym or Sprout Tower, both
Stadium cards in the Neo Genesis expansion. The first causes any
Energy forced into the discard pile from the game to go back to
your hand. This is very effective against those wholike to play
Energy control games. Sprout Tower simply reduces the
effectiveness of game busters like Wigglytuff and Chansey. They
deal 30 less damage each time they attack. This rips Wigglytuff
decks apart.
Nightly Garbage Runs are still a good idea for returning important
Energy and Pokemon to your deck. This extend it's life and pairs
nicely with all the card drawing.
Energywise, you had way too much. In a Raindance deck, you
don't need a lot to become a threat. 20 Energy is a good amount to
work with until you get the hang of things at which point you can
drop it to about 17 in favor of additional Trainers.
4 Double Colorless Energy for the Gligars and Woopers are
recommendable.
5 Fighting Energy to keep your Rocket's Hitmonchans happy and
11 Water Energy to fuel the Blastoise engine.
Let's hope the Beedrills go away soon in search of
honey or
whatever they like and run down your revised deck:
REVISED Rocket's Aquatic Punch:
4 Squirtles
3 Blastoises
2 Dark Blastoise
3 Woopers
2 Gligars
2 Rocket's Hitmonchans
2 Cleffas
4 Professor Oaks
3 Computer Searches
2 Item Finders
4 Pokemon Breeders
3 EcoGyms (or Sprout Towers)
2 Energy Flows
2 Bills
3 Nightly Garbage Runs
4 Double Colorless Energy
5 Fighting Energy
11 Water Energy
And that's that. Raindance
decks can be hard to use in a
very advanced, competitive field, but judging by your first version,
you don't play in one of those. I think as far as friendly games are
concerned, this deck will function a lot better than the original. If
you find it hard to get some of those cards, there are acceptable
substitutes. 2 more Bills or Professor Elms for the Cleffas, for
instance. The key to any good deckbuilding skill is to constantly
try new things. If my ideas don't work, try your own. You never
know what will work best for you until you try.
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OK, Stu, let's take the camera out of
the water. It looks like
the Beedrills are heading to dryer ground.
Hopefully that cheecky monkey has
tired of antagonizing us
and we can view him in a more natural state. Let's quietly go back
toward the campsite.
Well, ha ha. It looks like he sank
his little meathooks into our
picnic cooler. Devilish trickster that one is. Diverts us into Lake
rage while he eats the Slim Jims and Cheez-Its. Any sign of him?
Doesn't look like...what's that noise?
*VROOM VROOM!!!*
How'd he get the keys to the RV? Hypno must have left the
keys in the ignition. Stupid beast... Uh-oh, the Aipom's gonna rum
us with the grill! Scatter!
VROOM
NNNGGGHHH VROOOOOMM!!
Stu, move your keester! Head for high ground! Climb a tree, no
put the bottle of Yoo-Hoo down! It's not that important! We'll get
more in Mahongany Town! Move Stu! He's behind you...run!!
*CRRRRRUNNNNCHHHHH-
KZZZZZZZKKKTTTKKTTTZZZKTTTTTTT*---
*TAP TAP* Hello?
Good, we got the camera working again. Well, it looks like that
monkey got the best of this intrepid explorer today. He took the
RV, tossed the fuzzy dice and Mister Coffee out the window and
drove it off into the sunset, leaving us stranded. My Hypno has a
severe headache and my secretary only keeps saying one word to
me, one which I can't well repeat on air here. Cameraman Stu, well
Stu's dead. He's got these nifty little tire prints in his backside
though if we can just zoom in here. Yes, notice the wear on the
right side of the treads. That's definitely our RV and not some other
vehicle print.
It's a long, dark, cold hike back to Mahogany Town and we'd
best set off before those Beedrill come back to find that my
secretary ate their honey back at 6:00.
So, here's signing off. Until the next time and the next exotic
locale, remember: Life's an adventure. If you're not living it, you're
just watching it on TV. Good Luck!
Crash Landon
Aw man, I've got some Stu on my boots...that'll never wash off.
my signature line