Oh hey there. Take your coat off and have a saet. I'll be with you in one
moment. I'm just testing a hypothesis of mine. 3...2...1...Bam! There it is

   Let me explain. I was looking over some paperwork as I returned to my
office earlier this afternoon. Well, my mind wasn't on where I was walking
and I tripped over the umbrella stand, spilling my cup of coffee all over
the radio on the shelf over there. I got some napkins and dried it off and
borrowed my secretary's hair dryer to free the speakers from moisture, but I
wasn't fast enough. I'm afraid some of the circuits are fouled up. Now
whenever you turn it on...well listen for yourself.

    CRACKLE...BUZZ...here with Senator Grindstone in the studio today. The
Seantor is discussing his platform for capaign finance reform and joining us
on the speakerphone is Andrew from...CRACKLE...BUZZ...McDonald's, where our
100% American all-beef patties are grilled to perfection before serving them
any way you like between two of our special sesame seed buns because we
value you, our...CRACKLE...BUZZ...Lord and Savior, as foretold by the
prophets, will one day come walk amongst mankind again to judge the living,
but nay, we fear not, because we know our souls are pure and our
hearts...CRACkLE...BUZZ...have backed up traffic on the I-55 for miles while
transit authorities oversee the spillage. Detours are being set up, but you
can expect afternoon traffic to slow to a halt while an overflow of cars
squeeze through...CRACKLE...BUZZ...the desert on a horse with no name. It
felt good to get out of the rain. In the desert, you can
remember...CRACKLE...BUZZ...This Giant Liquidation Sale!! All inventory
items must go!! All prices have been slashed! Top name brand deals at
bargain basement prices!! Sofas, love seats, day beds, dinette sets, patio
furniture, everything must go...CRACKLE...BUZZ...to the phones again as we
speak with Senator Grindstone. We've got Pauline from Connecticut on the
line. You're on the air with...CRACKLE...BUZZ...an Egyptian. The blonde
waitresses take their trays, they spin around and they cross the floor.
They've got the moves, ooh-way-ooh...you drop your drink, then they bring
you...CRACKLE...BUZZ...past the blue line and that's going to be icing for
the Maple Leafs. Curtis Joseph's really been vigilant in net this period.
With 16 saves, 6 on the power play, he's going to be hard pressed to get
past the third period with any energy left...CLICK!

     Kind of bizarre huh? I think I'll let my secretary poke around inside
it for a while. Maybe she'll actually fix the problem. Or maybe she'll fry
her little brains out. Either way I win. Me,I think I'll try to fix your
deck instead. Let's step into my office and I'll see what the trouble is.

>Dr. Crash,
>     I have copied someone off of the internet about his poor man hay deck
>but it isn't functioning like a haymaker to me.  i'll explain later.  here
>is my deck.
>4 Charmander
>4 Machop
>3 Rattata
>3 Magmar(2 base set and 1 fossil)
>2 Farfetch'd
>4 Bill
>4 Plus Power
>4 Energy Removal
>2 Energy Retrieval
>2 Scoop Up
>2 Gust of Wind
>1 Oak
>15 fire
>10 fighting
>     My strategy is to get a Machop or Rattata and work up a Magmar or
>Farfetch'd on the bench.  I try to energy removal his bench and then gust
>them out when they can't strike back.  I've played with this deck about 5
>times but the matches keep going longer than a haymaker is supposed to.  I
>played one game where it went over 20 minutes!!  If you can help me or
>offer any suggestions I would be greatful.  Thank you.

   Well Matt, I'll tell you this. The Poor Man's Haymaker was an attempt to
compete with the true Haymakers without paying for all those expensive rares
like Scyther and Hitmonchan. It looks good on paper, but somehow doesn't
work on the table, or wherever you play. It's like trying to reproduce the
Mona Lisa with a box of Crayola crayons.
   Still it's not a bad deck if you just want to fool around in friendly
play. In highly competitive play, you're going to get trounced by real
Haymakers, Raindance and Potpourri. No 2 ways about that one. But if you
just want to have a friendly play deck, I can make it a good one. Let's

   The Pokemon are good, all except those Rattatas. 30 HP is just too
little, even with a decent attack for one Colorless Energy. Rattata is Gust
of Wind bait. Replace them with the much more durable Jigglypuff. It still
has the same resistance to Psychic types, but with expanded HP and a
manageable attack.
    Take out 1 Machop and 1 Charmander for 2 more Farfetch'ds. The Leek
Slap, colorless attacks and Fighting resistance are very good for a Basic.
Replace the 2 Base set Magmars for their Fossil cousins. They don't need as
much Energy to work, have more HP and inflict some good status problems.
This should make your bench stronger.

    Since you can't deal as much damage as if you had Scythers, Hitmonchans
and Electabuzzes, you're going to need to alter your strategy. I'd suggest
using Energy Removal and Bench manipulation to control the game.
    Take out the 2 Energy Retrievals. Your Pokemon have low attack costs and
you won't need the Retrievals much. Add instead 2 Super Energy Removals.
    Place another Professor Oak for speed and emergency situations into the
deck. 2 more Gusts of Wind and another Scoop Up will finish this section off

     When I looked at your Energy, I was shocked to see you had no Double
Colorless Energy. Put 4 in immediately. With Jigglypuff and Farfetch'd, you
can't afford not to. 10 Fire Energy and 7 Fighting Energy will be plenty
what with the low attack costs. That's all for Energy.

    I can hear my secretary whacking the radio against her desk, so I should
wrap this up before she splits the dang thing in two. By this i mean the
desk. Here's the better, more strategized Poor Man's Haymaker:

    3 Charmanders
    3 Machops
    3 Jigglypuffs
    3 Fossil Magmars
    4 Farfetch'ds

    4 Bills
    2 Oaks
    4 Energy Removals
    2 Super Energy Removals
    4 Gusts of Wind
    3 Scoop Ups
    4 PlusPowers

    4 Double Colorless Energies
    10 Fire Energies
    7 Fighting Energies

  Since you're not going to deal as much damage as a true Haymaker, play
with a longer game in mind. You want to outlast, not outpunch your opponent.
Use the Scoop Ups and Gusts to take advantage of Weaknesses and Resistances.
Play the Energy Removals with care. Don't play it on a Pokemon if you're
going to knock it out that same turn. Instead, take the Energy off the
Pokemon most likely to take the Active spot after your knock-out. You can
make the opponent change his strategy to your liking this way. Save the
PlusPowers for when you have a Weakness advantage and go for the kill, but
remember the PlusPower damage isn't doubled. Just the base attack. Don't be
afraid to retreat either. The loss of 1 or 2 Energy is minimal compared to
controlling the game.

  Voila!! I pronounce you cured. You can pay my secretary on the way out,
just be sure to avoid flying radio parts. Speaking of which I'd better see
if she's gotten anywhere with it.

   How's that radio looking? Oh...well as long as it plays. Where did you
find a plumber's snake anyhow?? Well let's plug this baby in and see how
much damage you've done.

   Here goes nothing...CRACKLE....BUZZZ...BZZZ....BZZZZZZZZZZZ....Yummy
yummy yummy, I got love in my tummy...CRACKLE....BZZZZTT.....Yummy yummy
yummy, I got love in my tummy...CRACKLE...CRACKLE....Yummy yummy yummy, I
got love in my tummy....CLICK----SMASH!!!

     I liked it better the first time around. Guess it's time to argue over
which songs go into the jukebox again....maybe I'll just wear a Walkman.
It'll drown out my secretary's laughing anyway.

                 Good Luck!!
             Dr. Crash Landon
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