I was at an estate sale in my neighborhood yeaterday afternoon on my day
off and I picked up an antique book on magic and cojuration. It's one of
those really old leather bound books with lots of dust and dirt and really
complex pen and ink drawings inside. It's quite fascinating.
    My secretary thinks it's all a bunch of hooey. She said I had a lot of
nerve to call her flaky and gullible and then go make a purchase like this.
So I turned her into a newt.
    No, not really. I wish that's what would have happened, but all I did
was make a lot of gibberish noise and wave my arms about in a really
impressive display of incompetence. There was some smoke, but that may have
been dust escaping when I dropped the book on her keyboard by mistake.
    Anyhow, I'm gonna figure out the secrets hidden in this tome and then
I'll show her. You wouldn't happen to have any badger spleens, would you? Oh
never mind, I'll improvise with duct tape. You can do anything with duct
    Here I'll fix your deck too. In some cases it counts as a miraculous
phenomenon. Step into my office and I'll see what magic I can whip up today.
Oh you don't play Magic...well I'll do something anyway. Gimme your deck.

>HELP!  I brought this deck to a local tourney and did miserably.  Hopefully
>you will be able to fix this deck. (perhaps you could also find a better
>name for it)  Here it is:
>Weedle x4
>Kakuna x3
>Beedrill x2
>Nidoran(M) x4
>Nidorino x3
>Nidoking x2
>Koffing x4
>Dratini x4
>Dragonair x3
>Bill x3
>Energy Removal x3
>Prof. Oak x3
>Comp. Search x3
>Grass x19
>As you may have guessed, the whole stragedy of the deck is to poison the
>opponent's pokémon, then sit back and relax.  I have the Dratini family in
>there for some heavy backup, in case something goes wrong (i.e. psychic

  Gee, I like the name "Fantoxtic". I say keep it. It sounds good.

  All right, this won't be a tough one. I'll just wave my magic wand, say
the secret word...Ahhh...you thought I'd actually say it. Well I can't. It's
a secret remember? I'll just think it and Voila!!

  Hmmm...guess I gotta do this the old fashioned way. OK. Well let us begin
with your Pokemon. You've got some serious overload there. Running dual
families with Stage 2 Evolutions is tricky. Getting both Nodoking and
Beedrill out is a slow process, heck getting even one out is slow. This is
where Pokemon Breeder should come into play. You can run both lines with
Breeder. Just eliminate the Stage 1's involved to make room for them and
you're OK. Keep the 4 Weedles and 4 Nidoran males and place 2 each of
Nidoking and Beedrill into the deck.
  Since you're looking for status effects, Koffing is a good choice. 4 is a
bit much since it requires, as a Basic, 2 Grass Energy to function, so drop
the amount of Koffings to 2.
  Scyther, while not having any status inflicting skill, is a perfect fit in
a Grass deck. No retreat cost means he can come out first while you build up
to a Nidoking or Beedrill and then run away for free when you're set to go.
The Fighting resistance is also worth noting.
  Dratini and Dragonair are good against Psychic, true, but they just add
dead weight to this deck. Dratini is weak and will be wiped out by a
Hitmonchan or Machop in no time. Dragonair has very expensive attacks and
Energy removal isn't exactly the main thrust of this deck anyway. Sorry, but
they go.

  I'm thirsty. I think I'll try to levitate that can of Pepsi on my end
table to my hand. There's a section in Chapter 4 here in this book about
levitation. Let's see...just wave my hand counterclockwise 4 times, blink
twice, nod and point at the object and Presto....I look like a fool. I must
have looked like a bigger one when I bought this book. I'll get the hang of
it yet. Mark my words.

  OK, now the Trainer area is really where you need the most work. You've
got a lot of Professor Oaks and Computer Searches. This is dangerous if you
overload on them. If you have a couple of bad hands, you'll wind up decking
yourself very quickly. Reduce the Computer Search to just 2 and the same
with the Oaks.
   Now besides these 2 cards, the only other Trainer you had was Energy
Removal. This is bad, mmmkay? Trainers are an absolute must. They're kind of
like the glue that holds a deck together. Pokemon can only give you so much
strategy. Without Trainers, you're just drawing and attacking each turn.
You'll never win that way on a regular basis.
    You will need 4 Bills for sure. This card is beautiful. 2 cards for the
price of 1 is a sweet deal anyday. No penalties. No questions asked. Advance
to Go. Collect 200 dollars.
    Like I stated earlier, this deck will never fly without Pokemon
Breeders, so add 4. And be careful of players using Lass to flush the
Breeders out of your hand when you're not looking. When a smarter player
sees Weedle, he's probably expecting a Speedrill type deck. His natural
reaction is to Lass if he has it. Although his reasoning is a bit off by
assuming you've got a Speedrill style deck, Lass will still cripple your
game for a while.
    Since this deck will take some time to get into full swing, 2 Item
Finders will come in very handy. Reusing Trainers like Breeder late in the
game is very important to your strategy.
    Add 3 Gusts of Wind to move aggravating Mewtwos and Magmars to their
owner's bench and to bring out sitting ducks like Aerodactyl or Digletts.
GOW is a very powerful card and gets slighted more often than it deserves.
    Lastly I'd put in a few Mr. Fujis. Mt. Fuji is definitely the better
choice here over Scoop Up since Beedrill and Scyther have free retreat.
Nidoking takes a whopping three to move back, so think about when you've
gotta run away. But Fuji will place the Pokemon and Energy back into your
deck, extending your game's longevity by several turns.

    Lastly your Energy count was on the low side for a Grass deck. Grass
attacks, especially the ones that poison or confuse, are not cheap. Increase
the number of Grass Energy to 19 and also put in 4 Double Colorless Energy.
Your Beedrill and Scythers will love you for it.

   Now all that remains to do is to write down the revised decklist and
we'll be done here. First I need a pen...let's see. Where's my pen? I
thought it was in my breast pocket. Oh no matter. I can make one appear in
my hand. What's the book say on conjuring? Chapter 7, section
2..."instantaneous manifestations". OK, I need to pluck a hair from my
head...*poink*...wrap my fist tightly around the hair, close my eyes, face
magnetic north, spin three times and state the name of the object I wish to
conjure. OK...here goes...spinning..."PEN"..and Shazam!!!---OUCH!!! What the
heck? Oh man...I conjured a pin, not a pen. Ow....maybe I shouldn't chew gum
while I shout the object's name. Yeah I'll make a note of that. Give me that
pen in the jar on my desk please....ouch.

     4 Weedles
     2 Beedrills
     4 Nidoran males
     2 Nidokings
     2 Koffings
     3 Scythers

     4 Bills
     2 Professor Oaks
     4 Pokemon Breeders
     2 Computer Searches
     2 Item Finders
     3 Mr. Fujis
     3 Gusts of Wind

     4 Double Colorless Energy
     19 Grass Energy

     And there you go, without the aid of supernatural forces, a viable deck
with both Nidoking and Beedrill. This deck has the probability to be slower
than some, but the damage will rack up fast once poison sets in. I still
think that this is perhaps more of a fun deck than a highly competitive
tourneament quality deck. But if the tournament scene in your area has a lot
of unfocused decks filled with 1 of every Pokemon the player could get their
greasy little mitts upon, then, by all means, go to town on them. I think
your biggest problem will definitely be anyone smart enough to use Lass.
Haymaker player will also likely try to Gust your Weedles and Nodorans out
into the open to stop evolution. Don't drop your whole hand onto the bench
if you don't need to.

    That said and done, I now pronounce you cured. You may pay my secretary
on the way out. I'm going to continue pouring over this tome to see what
earthly secrets I can dredge from the past.
Hmm...."Transmogrification"..THAT sounds intersting. Turning a life form
into a different life form is always cool. I think I'll try this on my

    Hey, look over here you frenetic new age hippie with a bad paint
job!!...OK, wet fingertip, stick in left ear, stamp right foot once, remove
finger from ear, point at target and think of the desired life form...and

     Cluck? Cluck!!?? I must cluck have gotten my cluck left and right cluck
confused again cluck!! Puckaw!! This clucks. See you cluck next

                     Good Cluck??
                Dr. Cluck....NO! Crash Landon...PUCKAW!!
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