Vegeta The Big Purple Dinosaur is rated PG-13 due to violence and coarse language. NOTE: This IS meant to be stupid, corny, and utterly pointless and retarded. That's what makes 'funny', people. Thoughts are denoted in *asterisks* while emotions are in [square brackets]. ----- [The set of the Barney the Dinosaur Show. The director looks VERY pissed.] DIRECTOR: Crap, how are we supposed to put on the show without our Barney? We NEED the guy in the Barney costume! hey, Larry, get someone into that Barney costume! LARRY THE STAGE HAND: Uh, okay. [Vegeta just happens to be walking by. Larry grabs his arm.] LARRY: Hey, come here. VEGETA: Don't touch me, you moron! LARRY: Sorry. W-we need someone to play Barney the Dinosaur- VEGETA: Are you INSANE?! I will NOT play the part of a fat purple reptile! DIRECTOR: [shouting from inside studio] Tell him we'll pay him big bucks! LARRY: We'll pay you big bucks. VEGETA: Fine, fine, if it will get you off my back. [Vegeta enters the studio. A bunch of stage hands help him into the Barney costume.] VEGETA: I look like a big purple marshmallow. DIRECTOR: We're on the air in ten seconds! Places! [Vegeta staggers over to Barney's position on stage.] DIRECTOR: Aaaaaaand ACTION! [The camera focuses on Vegeta.] VEGETA: Keh. It's time for the Vegeta- er, Barney the Dinosaur show. [The director looks like he's going into spasms.] VEGETA: [sweating inside the Barney suit as he begins singing] I love you... you love me, we're a happy family, with a [shudder] great big hug and a kiss for me and you... won't you say... you... love me too.... *Shit! How disgusting!* [Several children run out on stage and begin climbing all over 'Barney'.] VEGETA: Get OFF me, you brats! KIDS: We're sorry, Barney! [The director is having a seizure.] VEGETA: Keh. Can you brats- I mean, kids - guess what time it is? KIDS: [excited] It's SING-ALONG TIME! VEGETA: *Oh great.* That's right, br- erm, kids! Now sing along! You are my sunshine, my only... [Vegeta is powering up under the Barney costume.] [Meanwhile, Bulma, Bra, and Trunks are watching at the CC.] BRA: I LOVE Barney the Dinosaur! TRUNKS: Yeah, but he sounds like Tousan today. BULMA: You don't think... TRUNKS: No. Tousan would never play Barney. BULMA: You're right. [Back at the Barney studio, Vegeta-Barney and the kids finish singing.] VEGETA: Wow, brats! Wasn't that fun? KIDS: Yes, Barney! [The director has turned blue and is thrashing around on the floor.] VEGETA: Hey, brats, let's play a game. I call it, 'Volleyball!' KIDS: Yay! [A small Ki sphere appears in the hand of the Barney costume.] VEGETA: Catch. [Vegeta throws the ki sphere at a kid. The kid gleefully catches it... and get shocked by a jolt of ki.] KID: Euuiuiuiuiui.... [The kid falls over, unconscious, while the director's spasms worsen.] VEGETA: Wow, kids! Wasn't that fun? [The kids huddle together, whimpering.] LITTLE BOY 1: You're mean today, Barney! VEGETA: [chuckles evilly] I'm just having fun, brat. [Baby Bop wanders in.] BABY BOP: Hi, Barney! VEGETA: Keh! Who do you think you are, woman? BABY BOP: [confused] It's me, Barney! Baby Bop! VEGETA: How delightful. Another brat. BABY BOP: Barney! You're mean! [walks by Vegeta and whispers to him] Who shoved the stick up YOUR ass today, buddy? VEGETA: WHAT did you saaaaay?! BABY BOP: Nothing! VEGETA: [pissed off] Grr... Alright. Hey kids, let's have some fun! KIDS: [halfheartedly] Yaaaaay. VEGETA: We're going to learn how to control our power levels today! Now, POWER UP! [A blue fiery aura illuminates the inside of the Barney costume as Vegeta powers up just a fraction. The kids begin yelling and screaming like little Vegetas, but can't seem to power up. VEGETA: You weak little brats! My grandmother could power up faster than you! LITTLE BOY 1: Barney, stop being mean, you big poopie meanie! [The director, having recovered from his seizure, goes into another one.] VEGETA: WHAAAAAAT?! BABY BOP: Yeah, he's right! You're evil today, Barney! You should go away and take a time-out! VEGETA: How DARE YOU treat ME like a BABY!!! [All the TVs tuned to Barney are censored.] BRA: Oh NO! Barney! BULMA: [angry expression] Well, I've NEVER seen such a horrible children's show! I'm going to sue the TV networks! [Meanwhile, Vegeta gets pissed and goes Super-Saiyajin. A shock of golden hair is sticking out the top of the Barney costume.] VEGETA: Big Bang Attaaaaaaaaaack! [The studio blows up. Kids, stage hands, the director, Baby Bop, and shreds of Barney costume fly everywhere, accompanied by rubble. When the dust clears, Vegeta is standing there.] VEGETA: Bah! I'm going home! [About five minutes later, Vegeta, now back to his normal form, walks in the door.] VEGETA: Keh! I'm home. [Bulma is on the phone.] BULMA: ...That's right, you stupid ratings-obsessed, insensitive bastard! I'm dragging your ass to court! Good BYE! [hangs up phone] Vege-chan, you won't believe this! There was a guy on Barney the Dinosaur today who acted like you when you don't have your coffee! [Vegeta realized he was on national TV and quickly covers his actions up.] VEGETA: Coincidence. I would never stoop so low as to play a purple dinosaur. What's for dinner?