DRAGONBALL Z:
KIAI
By: L. Curtis Totty

RING! RING!
	Son Gokou answered the telephone.  "Hello?"
	"What's your favorite Dragonball Z movie?"
	"What?" asked Gokou.
	"What's your favorite Dragonball Z movie?" 
	"I don't understand what you mean.  What's a Dragonball Z movie?"
	"Don't play dumb with me!  I know that the Z-Fighters make those movies every summer that have nothing to do with the regular series!  So what's your favorite Dragonball Z movie?  Is it the one where Turles nearly destroys you?"
	"Who are you?" asked Gokou.
	"Or the one where Brolli brutally beat your son Goten, but you were helpless to help him?  How about the time your family went camping in the woods and Cooler attacked?" 
	"GO AWAY!" yelled Gokou.  "Anyways, I don't see how you can know about that!"
	"Don't you remember?  It's on the photo that your wife took right before Cooler's henchmen assaulted you!  The one on your refrigerator!"
	Gokou whipped his head around.  He saw the photo that Chi-Chi took, he looked around to see where anyone would be able to see from outside.  There was a nearby window, but the curtains were closed.  The Saiyajin slowly walked over to the window.  He could sense a small ki near him, but he couldn't trace its exact location.
	The ki seemed to come from everywhere.
	Gokou swung open the curtains.  "No one's there!  Lucky me!  Looks like I got lucky yet again!"
"KAIOUHKEN!"
	Gokou quickly turned around and saw only a large red flame.  Gokou swung his foot forward, but missed.  "Who could be that fast?"  "AHH!"
	Gokou was knocked through the wall of his own house.  He crashed into a tree in the forest by his home.  He fell to the ground severely weakened as the rain fell upon him.  Gokou quickly got up and took his battle stance, but saw no one there.  Suddenly, Gokou felt the sting of his own blood tricking into his eye.  He wiped his eye, and felt his bleeding forehead, as he slowly walked back into his house, and picked up the phone.  "Next time, I'll send someone stronger, Son Gokou."
	"Is that a threat?" asked Gokou.
	"You'll know a threat when you get one."
	"Whoa, was that a threat?"
	"But...jus...are you listening to me?"
	"No, not really."

	"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" cried Chi-Chi.
	"Oh man, look at myself," said Son Goten.  "I was ripping Brolli apart!"
	"You?  Please, that was all me," said Trunks.  "I handled my business well!"
	"Whatever," said Goten.
	"What are you peons watching?" asked Son Gohan.
	"Some movie," said Chi-Chi, whimpering.  "That's it, Goten!  I'm not letting you make anymore of these dangerous movies anymore!"
	"AW, MOM!  C'MON, I'M A SUPER SAIYAJIN!  I CAN BEAT ANYONE!" said Goten.
	"Just keep it down.  Dad's resting," said Gohan.  "He took a pretty nasty blow to the head."
	"I know, what happened to him?" asked Trunks.
	"That's the funny thing," said Gohan.  "Gokou doesn't really understand what happened."

	"How could anyone else know how to do the Kaiouhken?" thought Gokou.  "It doesn't make any sense."
	"Gokou?"
	"Yeah?" asked Gokou.
	"Telephone for you," replied Chi-Chi.  Gokou picked it up.
	"Hello again, Son Gokou."
	"You again," said Gokou.  "What do you want with me?"
	"Why didn't you go Super Saiyajin?" 
	"Huh?" asked Gokou.
	"You did not unleash your true power.  I want to know why they call you the Great Son Gokou."
	"How did you know so much about me?" asked Gokou.  
	"I've seen your most illustrious fights, Gokou.  The great battle against Garlic, Jr.; the titanic duel with Dr. Wheelo; the horrendous war with Turles."
	"That was just acting.  Really good acting, but acting nonetheless," said Son Gokou.  "So you've seen all of them?"
	"Yes, but I longed to be in them."
	"That sounds kind of gay."
	"I...di...what...oh, shut up!"
	
	"Hey, Kurilin," said Gokou.
	"Hi, Gokou.  Hey, what happened to your head?" asked Kurilin.
	"Someone ambushed me the other day," said Gokou.
	"Who?" asked Kurilin.
	"I don't know.  But they knew the Kaiouhken Attack," said Gokou.
	"What?" asked Kurilin.
	"I don't know who it was," said Gokou.  "But it wasn't the only one.  There was someone else on the phone.  The attacker was in league with them or something!"
	"Weird," said Kurilin.
	"And the funny thing is," began Gokou.  "He said he remembered me from the Dragonball Z movies!"
	"The movies?" asked Kurilin.  "Who could know about our adventures against Androids No. 13 through 15?  What about the fight with Brolli?  The space pirates and their leader Bojack?  How does one person know so much about us?"
	"Kurilin, they're movies.  Our fans saw them," said Gokou.  "But he said he 'longed to be in all of them.'"
	"That sounds kind of gay," asked Kurilin.  Gokou nodded.

	Son Gokou took a nice quiet bath alone.  He searched for the soap, and found it several times, but he never picked it up.  All he could think about was his attacker and the mysterious character on the phone.
	"Gokou!  You've got to help!"
	"Oolong?" asked Gokou.  "What is it?  Hey, where are you?"
	"You've got to get to Mutenroshi's Island, quick!"
	"Oolong, where are you?" growled Gokou.  It was silent again.  He heard Oolong's voice, but he never even saw him.  He summoned the Kintoun, even though he could fly.

	Gokou rode towards Kame House, awaiting a challenger.  Suddenly, he could feel a familiar ki.
	"Kurilin?"
	"GOKOU!  STOP!  YOU'RE PLAYING RIGHT INTO THEIR HANDS!"
	Gokou quickly stopped the Kintoun, and met Kurilin.  "What do you mean?"
	"GOKOU!  BEHIND YOU!"
	Gokou quickly turned around, and saw three dark figures moving towards him.
"KA..."
"ME..."
"HA..."
"ME..."
	"I remember this," said Kurilin.  "It's the Triple Kamehame Ha!  Goten, Trunks, and I used it on Bio-Brolli!"
"HAAAAAAAA!"
	Son Gokou dodged the beam as quickly as he could, but he was hit in the arm.  Gokou turned into a Super Saiyajin, and prepared to attack.
	"So, you wanna use my attacks, huh?" asked Gokou.  "Well then, let me show you how to do it right!"
"DOUBLE KAIOUHKEN!"
	Gokou was engulfed inside a giant red flame of energy.  He flew towards his adversaries, and easily knocked them all into the water.  "Kurilin, how do you know so much about these weirdoes?"
	"Don't you see, Gokou?" asked Kurilin.  "They're fighting the same way as in the movies!"  Gokou pondered Kurilin's words, and realized that he was right!
	Suddenly, Gokou took a heavy blow to the face, and was knocked towards Kamesennin Island.  He landed facedown in the sand, but slowly rose to his feet.
	"Remember Gokou," said Kurilin.  "It's just like the movies!  You've always got to fight off some henchmen before you even know who their leader really is!"
	"Right," said Gokou.  Suddenly, a few more henchmen appeared out of the water.  "So now there's five of you, eh?  Well, that just about evens up the odds!"
	The five henchmen charged at Gokou, rapidly attempting to attack him, but the Super Saiyajin easily dodged each and every attack.
	"I've had just about enough of this," said Gokou.
"TRIPLE KAIOUHKEN!"
	Gokou powered up, and the surge of energy that erupted from him knocked all five of the henchmen away, but the Super Saiyajin wasn't through with them yet!
	Gokou dashed towards one of the henchmen as he flew towards Mutenroshi's house, and kicked him away.  "How dare you try to destroy my old teacher's home?"
	The Amazing Flying Henchman was tossed towards another flying henchman, and so accidentally struck him in the side.  "Two down, three to go," said Gokou.  "I think I'll get rid of them all in one clean sweep!"
"POWER POLE: EXTEND!"
	Gokou pulled out his really long stick (No, not that kind of stick!) and smote each henchman down into the sand.
	"What's going on out here?" asked Mutenroshi.
	"Uh...nothing," said Kurilin.  "We're just taking out some bad guys!"
	"Well, keep it down, I'm reading porn...uh, taking a nap!"  Mutenroshi slammed the door.
	"You can read porno?  I thought you just stared at it," said Kurilin. "OH NO!  SPEAKING OF PORNO, THAT REMINDS ME!  WE'VE GOT TO FIND BULMA!"
	"Bulma?  Why?" asked Gokou.
	"She knows a lot about Dragonball Z movies," said Kurilin.  "Maybe she can help us."
	"Right," said Gokou.  

	"You've got to help us, Bulma!  There's some nutcase running around, acting out scenes from the movies!" cried Gokou.
	"No.  No!  NO!  NOT THE MOVIES!" cried Bulma.
	"I know," said Kurilin.  "It's horrifying, isn't it?"
	"So, what do you know about the movies?" asked Gokou.
	"Well, in the movies, only the main bad guys can die, and maybe some other support characters like Tapion from Movie #13," said Bulma.  "You don't have to worry about having to wish anyone back from the dead."
	"Anything else?" asked Kurilin.
	"In every movie, Shenlon is summoned from the Dragonballs," said Bulma.
	"Do you have the Dragon Radar?" asked Gokou.
	"Yes, here," said Bulma, as she handed the Dragon Radar to them.
	"Thanks, Bulma. Sorry to bother you like this," said Gokou.
	"It's all right, guys.  Oh, and one more thing?" she asked.
	"Yeah?" asked Kurilin.
	"The next time you need my help, WAIT UNTIL I GET OUT OF THE SHOWER!" she yelled.
	"Oh, sorry," said Kurilin.
	...
	"Well?" she asked.
	"Well, what?" asked Kurilin.
	"I want you to leave," said Bulma.
	"Oh, ok." Said Kurilin.
	...
	"GET OUT OF HERE!" yelled Bulma, as she closed the bathroom window, and quickly wrapped a towel around herself.

	"So, where are the Dragonballs now?" asked Kurilin.
	"Well, someone's definitely gathering them together somewhere," said Gokou.  "Looks like it's somewhere in Satan City."
	"All right, let's go," said Kurilin.

	"Someone's summoning Shenlon right here in the middle of the city," said Gohan.
	"It's definitely disturbing the peace," said Videl.  "You know what that means, right?"
	"Right," said Gohan.  "SUIT UP!"  Videl was overjoyed.
	"WE'RE THE GREAT SAIYA-TEAM, AND WE RIGHT WRONGS, AND TRIUMPH OVER EVIL," yelled Videl, in costume.  "And that means you!"
	"Don't start that with me," said an exasperated Great Saiyaman.  "All right!  Let's go handle this!"
	"Uh...excuse me, Shadowy Figure?" asked Videl.
	"Huh?  What is it?"
	"Uh...you can't summon the Eternal Dragon in the middle of the city.  You're causing people to panic," said Gohan.
	"Oh, sorry."
	"HEY, AREN'T YOU GOING TO MAKE A WISH?" asked Shenlon.
	"Hold on, these superheroes say I have to relocate," said Shadowy Figure, as he picked up the Dragonballs and carried Shenlon away.
CRASH!
	"HEY, WATCH OUT FOR THOSE POWER LINES!" roared Shenlon.  "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, GIVE ME AN ELECTRIC SHOCK?"
	"Sorry."  Shadowy Figure stooped low to the ground, and Shenlon was just low enough to get underneath the streetlights.  
	"THANKS," said Shenlon.
	"S'all right."
	"Well, we averted that mishap," said Videl, as she removed her helmet.
	"Right," said Gohan, as he removed his, in front of everyone in Satan City.  They quickly put their helmets back on were about to activate their Neuralyzers.  Then they remembered that the M.I.B. could sue them.  Suddenly, Kurilin and Gokou landed near them.
	"Did you guys see a guy with the Dragonballs around here?" asked Gokou.
	"Yeah, he went that way," said Videl.  "Why?"
	"He may be an evil super-villain bent on getting immortality," said Kurilin.
	"A super-villain?" asked Gohan.  "Videl, you know what that means!"  She nodded.
"BACK TO ACTION!"
	The two of them flew away. "GO, GO, POWER RANGERS!" said Kurilin.
	"Huh?  What'd you say?  Sour Strangers?" asked Gokou.
	"Nothing," said Kurilin.  "There they go, off for another...LIGHT SPEED RESCUE!"
	"What?" asked Gokou.
	"Never mind," said Kurilin, twiddling his thumbs.

	Young Super Saiyajins Son Goten and Trunks flew toward Satan City, where they could sense a really strong ki.  They knew that this had to mean trouble!
	"We've got to hurry up, Goten!  If there's a fight, then we can't miss it," said Trunks.
	"I can sense that someone has summoned Shenlon," said Goten.  "And I can also sense my father's ki.  There's definitely another huge ki out there, but I'm not sure we can take it alone!"
	"When we get there, we'll have to fuse into Gotenks," said Trunks.
	"Gotenks?  Oh I love it when we fuse!" said Goten.
	"That sounds kind of gay," said Trunks.

	"NOW, WHAT IS YOUR WISH?" asked Shenlon.
	"ETERNAL DRAGON!  I WISH THAT YOU RETURN MY TRUE POWERS TO ME!" 
	"YOUR WISH IS GRANTED!"
	"What kind of wish is that, Kurilin?" asked Gokou.  "Kurilin?  Hey, Kurilin, where are you?"  Gokou looked all around, but his faithful human companion was nowhere to be found.	
"Well, well, well, Son Gokou.  It looks like it is time for us to have our rematch!"
	"Rematch?  Who are you?" asked Gokou.
	"I've had it with you using me as a pawn!  At last it's time for me to show you my true power!  The real results of my training!
	"For years I have worked hard to unleash my true power, but each time it would come to me and darken my ki, making it more and more evil!
	"I tried to expunge the evil from within me, but now I see that I must accept it for what it is!  IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO DIE, SON GOKOU!"  The Shadowy Figure removed his hood from over his head.
	"TENSHINHAN!" cried Gokou.  "I can't believe it was you!"
	"That's right, Gokou!  And now it's time for me to show you what I've been training for all these years!"
	"But, why?" asked Gokou, like any good super-heroine, I mean superhero on heroin.
	"I was once the most powerful character in Dragonball!  Especially when I defeated you in the Tenkaichi Budokai, but my victory was empty when I realized that I won by a technicality!  I plotted to defeat you fair and square later, but then you had to go and get all that power!  That's when I realized that I had to just let go, and GO ALL OUT!"
	"YOU CAN'T BEAT ME TENSHINHAN!" yelled Gokou as he raised his ki, and transformed again.  "I'M A SUPER SAIYAJIN x 2!"
	"You may be a Super Saiyajin, but I have a few powers of my own!" said Tenshinhan.
	"So you're the one that longed to be in all of the Dragonball Z movies," said Gokou.  "So do you feel better now that you've come out of the closet?"	
"SHUT UP!  I was only in Movie #3, but I SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN MORE!  But no, you and your accursed children had to hog the spotlight from me!  I'll prove to you that I am the strongest fighter in Dragonball!  I'LL BE THE HERO OF THIS MOVIE!"
	 "ALL RIGHT, TENSHINHAN!  LET'S SEE THIS POWER OF YOURS!
KAIOUHKEN!"
	Gokou powered up, awaiting Tenshinhan's first move.  Tenshinhan stooped low to the ground, and began to gather his ki.  Suddenly, there was a strange glow emitting from Tenshinhan's third eye.
	A gigantic black flame emitted from Tenshinhan's body.  He was charging up some sort of evil energy!
"DAIMAOHKEN x 4!"
	Tenshinhan lunged at Gokou, and punched him right in the face.  Gokou was knocked backward.  Tenshinhan's hidden power was far more powerful than Gokou had expected.  
	Gokou slammed right into a nearby building, and was stuck there, as Tenshinhan held him in place using a powerful force field.
	"So tell me, who were those henchmen attacking me?" asked Gokou.
	"There were ninjas from the Crane School!" said Tenshinhan.
	"How did they know my attacks?" asked Gokou.
	"I've been training them!  I have taught them all your special moves as revenge!" said Tenshinhan.
	"Revenge?  Revenge for what?" asked Gokou.
	"It's very simple, Son Gokou, I..."
"TAIYOKEN!"
	Gokou's Solar Flare blinded Tenshinhan enough for him to lose concentration, causing the force field around Gokou to shatter.  
	"That's why!  That's why I wanted revenge!  I wanted you to STOP COPYING MY MOVES!"
"KAIOUHKEN x 5!"
"DAIMAOHKEN x 20!"
	Gokou and Tenshinhan moved at an incredible speed, each of them exchanging blows in a high-speed war, neither one losing step.
"DAIMAOHKEN x 30!"
	Gokou was suddenly struck in the face by a sudden strike from Tenshinhan.  Gokou was knocked into the ground.  Tenshinhan picked him up and threw him into the air.  Luckily, Gokou was able to get his bearings straight and power up.
"KAIOUHKEN x 10!  KAMEHAME HA!"
"DAIMAOHKEN x 40!  KIKOHOU!"
	Gokou and Tenshinhan were locked in a titanic blast duel, and each of them seemed evenly matched, until Gokou realized something.  "In order to match my power, he has to exceed the level of my Kaiouhken by multiplying whatever I do by four!  If I can just get too strong for him..."
"KAIOUHKEN x 20!"
"DAIMAOHKEN x 80!"
	Gokou never expected Tenshinhan to get this strong.  The SSJ 2 was reluctant to go all out and go SSJ 3, because he still thought it would be too powerful for Tenshinhan.  After all, Tenshinhan was still a friend, and how would he explain this to Tenshinhan's lover Chiaotzu?
	Gokou was thrown into the sky, and soon landed on the outskirts of town.  Gokou lost so much energy that he returned to normal Saiyajin form.  Tenshinhan had already arrived.  "Son Gokou, it looks like it's time for you to die.  Say good bye."
"BIG BANG ATTACK!"
	Tenshinhan never expected such an attack to come at him.  He was knocked away from Gokou.  "Vegeta!" cried Gokou.  "Kurilin?"
	"I knew that you were going to need Vegeta's help!" said Kurilin.
	"But how did you know?" asked Gokou.
	"Only I shall ever have the pleasure to kill you, Kakarotto.  No one else!" said Vegeta.
	"Remember the movies, Gokou," said Kurilin.  "Vegeta's always saving you from your demise."
	"ALRIGHT, YOU BALD-HEADED BUFFOON!   IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO MEET YOUR FATE," said Vegeta, after going SSJ 2.
	"You're a fool to challenge me, Vegeta," said Tenshinhan.  "I've become far stronger than ever!"
	"Whatever," said Vegeta.  "You're still just the same old weakling as before!"
	"Wanna bet?" asked Tenshinhan.
"FINAL FLASH!"
"DAIMAOHKEN x 60!  KIKOHOU!"
	Tenshinhan's incredible energy blast pushed back Vegeta's.  "WHAT?  HOW CAN YOU HAVE THIS MUCH POWER?"
	Tenshinhan's blast sent Vegeta flying into a nearby building.  "It doesn't make any sense," said Gokou.  "If the Daimaohken is anything like the Kaiouhken, then he should be getting weaker every time he uses it!  I thought for sure Vegeta would win!"
	"No, Gokou.  Vegeta is never allowed to beat the main bad guy in a movie.  He's just there to save your life," explained Kurilin. 
	"The Daimaohken is nothing like your weak little technique.  There is no limit to how powerful the Daimaouhken can be.  I could charge it up a million times if I so needed it, but the Daimaohken is only as powerful as my opponent is.  The stronger my enemies, then the stronger my Daimaohken can become.  There is no limit to my power!"
"SUPER KAMIKAZE GHOST ATTACK!"
	Gotenks' signature attack proved no match for Tenshinhan, who easily destroyed the ghosts with his Daimaouhken.  "What?  It can't be!" cried the SSJ 3.
	"You foolish boy!  Realize that no one can beat me!  I am invincible!" said Tenshinhan.
"KAMEHAME HA!"
	"Go away, boy, you bother me!" said Tenshinhan, who easily avoided the blast.  "When will you learn that the size of your ki doesn't matter to me?"
"BURNING ATTACK!"
	"What?  Mirai Trunks?" asked Tenshinhan.  "What are you doing back here?"
	"I knew I'd have to deal with your jealousy of everyone copying your moves when I arrived years ago," said Trunks.  "If only I hadn't gotten sidetracked into that timeline, then I wouldn't have created this one!  All because of that...WRONG TURN!
KIAIHOU!"
	"STOP COPYING MY -"
	"SHUT UP!" yelled Trunks.  "IT'S NOT KIKOHOU, IT'S KIAIHOU!"
	"No matter what attack you use, it's no match for mine!" said Tenshinhan.
	"Then we are doomed," said Gokou.  "If he really has unlimited power, then there is no way that I can defeat him!"
	"You're wrong, Gokou!  We can find a way," said Kurilin.
	"You think so?" asked Gokou.
	"I know so," said Kurilin.  "What about the Spirit Bomb?  You know that in almost every DBZ movie, you win with a Spirit Bomb!"
	"It's no use.  He'll still be able to match it...unless..."
	"Unless?  Unless what?" asked Kurilin.
	"I have a plan!" said Gokou.

	"I ask for energy from the Sun, the Moon, the wind, the earth, the water, and all living things on the Planet!  Please, I need energy!
GIVE ME STRENGTH!"
	"What are you doing, Son Gokou?  You know that I can easily match your measly little Spirit Bomb!" said Tenshinhan.
	"That's where you're wrong, Tenshinhan!" said Gokou.  "I will defeat you!
GENKIDAMA!"
	There was a sudden flash of light, and all Tenshinhan could see was a giant golden energy ball heading right for him.
	"YOU'RE A FOOL, GOKOU!
DAIMAOHKEN x 100!  KIKOHOU!"
	Tenshinhan charged up his strongest attack, and fired an enormous energy blast at the slow moving Spirit Bomb.  He began to push it back.  "DIE, SON GOKOU!"
"RYUUKEN!"
	Out of nowhere came Son Gokou, who had gone SSJ 3, and used the Dragon Fist Attack to bash Tenshinhan's third eye.
	"WHAT?  HOW CAN YOU BE THROWING A SPIRIT BOMB AT ME AND USING THAT ATTACK AT THE SAME TIME?" cried Tenshinhan.
	"That's not a Spirit Bomb, and it isn't me," said Gokou.
	"Way to go, Android No. 18!" yelled Kurilin.  "Sock it to him!"
	"Shut up, Kurilin," said No. 18.
	"Yes, Ma'am," said No. 18's bitch.
	"You forget that Androids have no ki, and they have unlimited energy.  Therefore, it is very easy for her to make an attack that looks like mine," said Gokou.
	"AND NOW FOR THE FINAL INSULT TO INJURY!  IT'S TIME TO TAKE YOU OUT, TENNESSEE!" yelled Android No. 18.
	"THAT'S TENSHINHAN!" yelled Tex Avery.  
	"WHATEVER!" yelled No. 18.  "TAKE THIS!
DAIMAOHKEN x 500!"
	"STOP COPYING MY MOVES!" were Tenshinhan's final words.

	"What a terrible shame.  Defeated by his own attack," said Mirai Trunks.
	"Can somebody please tell me who this guy is?" asked Chibi Trunks.
	"What a poor-mannered little boy," said Mirai Trunks.
	"Whatever, just get out of here!" said Goten.  "Take your little Time Machine and get to getting!  This isn't Super Butouden 3!"  
	"Shut up, you little maggots," said Mirai Trunks.
	"Well, it looks like that's the end of what's-his-name, uh...Mr. Chiaotzu!" said Kurilin.  "Wait, his name was Tom."
	"No, I think his name was Terry," said Vegeta.
	 "It was something with a 'T' right?" asked Videl.
	"Maybe it was Trunks," said Bulma.
	"THAT'S MY NAME!  NO, IT'S MY NAME!  STOP THAT!  I'M THE REAL TRUNKS!  NO, I AM!  SHUT UP!"

GOMEN...I mean "THE END"